08:21 (welcome back kotter)

Hey Galang

so let's see if all my funny hasn't left me by now. Brown food will do that to you. As my young cohort looks over my shoulder to laugh at this week's insert--my first in ages--I stand here with a back that's used to old concrete and butt indented with rivets. Yes my friends, the old blogster has returned darker than before with a new found energy, one that's been left to sulk in this insufferable heat. It is good to be back home.

Bienvenido:

Just my luck: Oh tell me about it. So here's how the god's like to bend me over: I got stuck writing this week's blog.

Poseidon: I hear Fergie from BEPs plays a singer in this picture. Poseidon refers to the boat in which they ride the waves coming out of the loins of her San Diegan pants. Sick. Anywho, next time you approach Fergie just let her know that it's not the size of the poseidon, but the motion of the ocean.

Sketches of Frank Gehry: In my undergrad years as a young and fancy boy, I remember having to share the facilities with the architecture brats. These sons-of-bitches are so whiny! Also they think they're gonna be the next Frankie, but little do they know that more than likely they are going to foam my next latte. Not that I'm bitter or anything, but if you ever feel like punkin' one of these brats, just say that Neutra is soooo overrated.

Silent Hill: More like Silent theater. I heard this one's a keeper. So if you are looking for some horror film inspiration don't bother with Excorcist or Last House on the Left, just take one part Needful Things and two parts Hills Have Eyes and you get more crap than you can ask for!

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yeah I know I'm slumpin, but don't blame me. It's the insomnia speaking. Don't worry next week's The Capn's in. be well.

www.vidtheque.com

06:13 (rents not dead)

Hey gang

So on the eve of my depature (close enough anyways) I'd like to begin by wishing all of you a cool, phenomenal rest of the summer. I won't get all sentimental and stuff, but to my comrades here: Take care of the place, don't burn it down otherwise there'll be no opp. for me to write anymore, sorry I have to leave you with a thousand schedule shifts--but I promise I'll be back even browner with many a gifts. But really, thanks guys, I'll miss you.

awwwwwwwwww:

Onto the biznatch: 16 Blocks: Bruce Willis plays a badass in which he and 16 of his best friends go out clubbing and he attempts to break the world record by ruining their game. That sucks dude. I say he's no real friend of yours if you're just on the brink of getting some and he comes over says: "hey man, you're mom and girlfriend are on the line." or "Dude, did you ever clean up that pesky pest problem downstairs?" I know, I know, he always goes too far.

Chappelle's Block Party: Good Ol' D is back in this soon-to-be-classic directed by our very own Michel Gondry. Ok he's not ours, but we sure he was. Big D goes around the country setting up shop, bringing along hopefuls for a big ass partay in NYC. Hop along so you can get your groove thing goin and your bling blingin.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Sounds like you can't get away from Gene Simmons. He's even in your porn.

Neil Young: Heart of Gold: The new doc featuring the altGod Neil hammering away even at 110 years old. Watch him on the Grand Ol Opry with the young Emmylou and others. Feature Jonathan Demme behind the camera...oooh.

Pink Panther: Somehow I wish it was Robert Begnini doing the panther. He would be sooooo funny. I think he would be jumping up and down, loving the culprit for letting him catch them and he might even make out with the chief. But no, they had to bring in Beyonce and Mr. Steven Martin. I once saw Steve at MOCA. It was pretty slick. He had a PYT with him, showin her how classy he is, probably gonna say to her later: hey darlin, why don't you star in my remake of What's Happenin?

World's Fastest Indian: Anthony Hopkins is a native american. Yup, forget that yuppie brit accent. Here, he rocks the socks off that New Zealand accent. Ok not too far away from the brits, but his range is still good right? Who else can play a cannibal, an Indian-like, and even Dick Nixon. Yes I know, they're all the same character.

other notables I'm too lazy to write about:
Cemetary Man (!)
the sisters
kids in the hall
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls dvd (!)
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ok friends, enjoy yourselves, find yourselves and be happy.

www.vidtheque.com
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06:06 (knew order)

"Do you have a Jerry Bruckheimer section?" Quite possibly the funniest seven words ever asked to a geeky video store clerk. Ok, so it's not that funny especially after the prick kept laughing at his own joke. Maybe the kicker is when he came up to me again and asked if have this film called "titanic." I said sure, it's up your ass. Ok, this timid thing didn't say that, but man I wish you did.

blogging's for wimps:

Boys of Baraka: My vote for the coolest cover/poster art for the year. Featuring a kick ass watercolor painting by some body. This doc is like an idealist's answer to Scared Straight. That's good for me to know, for when that day comes that little ol me has little ol ones, and those bitches be misbehavin', their asses are off to Kenya.

Firewall: "Give me back my daughter!" Hmm, that's not right, let's try "Get off my plane!!" nooo, how about "It was the one armed man!" uhh "Sushi. That's what my ex-wife called me - cold fish" Still no, "Snakes! I hate snakes!" Ah hell, I give up.

Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic: She is soooo right. He is magic. He could cure leprosy and stuff, even the blind! And who else could rise seven days after they crucified him?! Gosh, he's someone to look up to. And check out that wicked beard. If only I was magic....

Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada: I speak spanish and I so desperately wish I could pronounce that.

Underworld: Evolution: Nerds will rejoice when they learn that the latest in comic/fantasy/videogame epics is out here. It will rival for space on your shelf between your o.o.p (out of print for you none collectors) This is Spinal Tap Criterion Collection and the four disc set of Hellboy. Make sure you show it off to the ladies, they lloooooovvvveeeee completists. ooooohhh.

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New Staff Recs and Stuff!!

Catch a special section for an indie fave, Mathieu Kassovitz! Probably better known for his photo-booth hunting role in Amelie than the director of HATE, this kid's got some talent. Impress the Franks with your knowledge of his oeuvre: Cafe Au Lait, Birthday Girl, Gothika and more.
Shohei Imamura 1926-2006: Acclaimed Japanese director has left us for greener pastures. See what subtle and often times, scary and subversive beauty he brings us. Kim Ki-Duk should be grateful. Think: Pornographers, Warm water under the red bridge and Vengeance is mine.
Ken Loach: Flying high off his winning the Palme d'Or at Cannes, we figured we'd help a brother out and promote the sucker's flicks. So let's play some catch up: A Fond Kiss, Kes, My name is Joe and many others.
Mark: Holidays in the Sun: Mark's getting all summery on us. Get ready for a little sunshine with his picks featuring all hot bods getting sweaty and wetty, at the beach of course. Bring in the season with Gidget, beach blanket bimbo et al.
Andy: Vamanos! If you're not at the beach, you're getting out of the country. Well, at least Andy is. He's gettin ready for his mighty excursion to our neighbor's down south. Give him love.
Phamdiggity: No Sleep Till...: I think I wrote about this last week, but if you're tired, can't sleep, this is it. Get your sheep on.

ok, love one another and stay cool.

www.vidtheque.com

05:30 (nothing memorable here)

Hey all

As all yee are enjoying the sweltering sun with bbq's, swims, countless radio countdowns and frisbeez, we here are slaving away this national holiday to bring you some love. And seeing as this weekend I had the unfortunate duty of attending a funeral, don't waster your memorial day weekend.

something to be grateful for:
(maybe not actually)

Date Movie: Thinking that this masterpiece would be akin to those scary movie movies, not another teen movies, or even airplane!, this was indeed not even close. The funniest thing in this picture is the commentary which features two critics who bash(ed) the films. My buddy Sanchez was telling me how he thought it was ironic and funny to take his date to see date movie. Suave like Rico baby.

Queer as Folk Final Season: Surprise!! They're not really gay!

Touch the Sound: From the director of Rivers and Tides comes another profile doc on Evelyn Glennie, a world renown percussionist who pulls it Beethoven style--deafly!. Thomas Reideshshsncmcxmahajdildelnabslllerennvbrntner directs this doc with close attention payed to sound (of course) and by the end you don't know if you're watching a profile or a sound collage of sorts. Pretty neat, especially if you do Baraka or Koyannisqatsi.
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*sigh* Didn't I hint that it wasn't hot stuff today. Ok lovebirds, be nice to each other.

www.vidtheque.com

05:23 (sore arms)

Hey Galang

I stand here insulted. The two witches of the west, or let's say Marino have stopped by and laughed at me. At me! Alas, I can forget this little offence by suggesting that the two little one aren't of age--you know--to be cool. So those two uncool ladies will have to live with knowing that all of the fox newscorp myspace community thinks of them as yucky. Thanks girls, rock on.

vengeance is mine:

Big Buy: See how Tom Delay was able to get congress for dirt cheap. I think it was like shopping spree. I hear at this place though you can get some great deals on DVDs and refrigerators too, maybe even a senator!

High School Musical: Reportedly, accroding to IMDB, the new sensation to sweep tweenies (wtf?). When I was a tween all I wanted to do was read my comic books and get uber excited when I was at the drive-in and snuck a peak at the rated -R flick playing right behind me. Who the hell cares about a high school musical? Although, I must admit that when I was a young ten year old, I tried out for sneezy in Snow White and lost the part to my pal Carl Branvold. That baptist son-of-a-bitch can kiss my sneezy ass.

London: Picadilly Circus this is not. Sounds like love's come to town and it's looking for some trouble. I think I just referenced like 3 songs, did you catch those? Anyways, Jason Statham isn't kicking down doors or looking for a diamond in this one, but rather playing a softy. How much more romantic can you get when a cockney goes up to you and seductively asks you to shag. Ooooh, me shakin in me knickers.

Transamerica: How awesome is that they made a biopic of our very own Lauren! They profile this transsexual in her cross country trek with her loving young boy. Dude, Lauren gets around. Can you believe she's only a young adult and has gone through all this? Yeps, some of us certainly do get around.

Other notable notes:
Deadwood S2
Viridiana
Who gets to call it art?
SNL Cheri Oteri

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Two additional staff recs!
Phamdiggity: I Can't Sleep: Complaining about her lack of ZzZzs from partying too much, Phammers has found characters to empathize with. Get your sheep on.
Erin: You've got the wrong guy!: Fresnian Erin brings us many, ok ten, cases of mistaken identity. Just when you though you and your credit card were safe, forget it, you're F'd.

short and sweet and lovely.

www.vidtheque.com

05:16 (action packed)

Hey gang,

Sorry we keep going in and out of commission. We know you are craving for more, sometimes it's so hard to please you. Plus everytime I try, I keep getting sidetracked by those True Girls. Yowza. By this time most of you are out of school and onto summer breaks. I call you people slackers. Go back to school and sit in empty classrooms. Feel your head expand with the vast knowledge pulsing in that room. Feel it and glow.

I'm in the wrong field:

Duma (pronounced dooooooma): I will tell everybody though, to pronounce it duh-ma. So when they ask for it, it'll be funny. See, when you work at club vt you can do this. Plus titles are completely irrelevant, who cares if it's paradise now or paradise then. I'm sorry to come across snooty, but lest we forget that this is Video-the-que.

The Producers: Winner of countless Tony's and little cinematic praise, this remake (can we call it that?) features the least flashiest cover they can think of. All the flash is inside the disc. yeah, right.

The Ringer: Johnny Knoxville teams with the Farrelly Bros in this comedy about a 'normal' dude who competes in the special olympics. Stemming from a true story, this bio pick is not to be missed.

When a Stranger Calls: He'll breathe heavily and ask you what you're wearing. Next time, I'll try to not be so crude.

The White Countess: The last Merchant-Ivory production has been issued. Arguably, some may say that the boredom will cease from now on, but that's mean. So I won't say it, even though I just said it (ha suckers). No, it's fun in light of someone's death. Ismael Merchant was the shiznit at producing some terribly exciting movies.

Winter Passing: Who the hell knows when this came out, must've been when we were sleeping, but it features the following cast: Will Ferrell, Ed "I'm always mad" Harris, and Zooey Deschanel. Don't know much about it. but Ed "I'm always mad" Harris looks like the Unabomber. That's enough for me.

And something notable: The first 3 films of auteur Michael Haneke. Watch em to see how eff'd the german people are. Ok fine, the europeans.
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New Staff Recs!

Mark: Music is my radar: Ok that's not so new. A refresher: Pulp, Blur, Suede, anything british.
Rick: Through the looking glass: A sudden burst of surreal insipiration stems from Rick's pix. Take one part Peter Pan one part Matrix and get a world you would want to escape to.
Andy: Look into my eyes: Nothing thematic in terms of plots, but rather cover art. We call this conceptual recs.
Megs: Boot-y-liscious: Ok, she actually has another one but since she's out sick, I'll do her this favor.
Gracie: The Sky is Falling: Absolutely not taken from chicken little, things fall out of the sky in case you needed the clue-in.
Phamidiggity: Fly me to the moon: I retorted to Phammer's that I hate that song, but her picks are aight. Get high on them.
Erin: Welcome the new girl Erin fresh from Fresno. Her picks haven't landed yet, but oh, they're coming.

Ok, that'll do it. We're holding on strong and braving the summer rush. Bring it.

05:01 (may day)

Hey

I am concerned that with today's events, we shouldn't worry about such trivial things. However, I say that knowing that often times the small, trivial things allow us to escape for just a minute. So in our best efforts--and not to mention humility--consider this a minute of relief.

all will be well:

Delicatessen DVD: Miramax gets off their asses and finally is able to put this one out. Contains some interesting, if not minimal extras, but the beauty comes in the crystal image that video cannot offer. Eat your vcr's.

The Family Stone: For some reason this film reminds me a lot like Rumor Has It. Hell, it was probably written by the same folk. Both films are about family and new loved ones. Both have actresses on a post-mortum, post-tv point in their career and both will guarantee a good time. Ok, maybe not so much the last one.

Hoodwinked: CGI for adults and kids if you have to bring them. Filled with endless inside grown up jokes, characters gone awry and a big fat Weinstein check. Everything for the whole family!

Last Holiday: Wayne Wang, where have you gone? A few years ago, a group of feminists protested out the MOMA (or was it the Guggenheim?) picketing the lack of female representation in the art world. One sign read "Where is Ana Mendiata?" and stood out to be the mantra of the demonstration. So today, on a night filled of protests, I suggest we start one, picket outside Paramount Studios and ask "Where is Wayne Wang? What have you done to him!!!!"

Nathalie: Speaking of feminists, smokin hot Emmanuelle Beart stars in this naughty french drama. Two women and one Gerard Depardieu (WTF?) get caught up in sexual betrayal. Who the hell knows?

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ok. next week we will bring you better news. as for today we offer you one last standing piece of advice: revolt.

www.vidtheque.com