I remember when the previous guy who did the blog left, he wrote in his last blog that every blog from that day forth was going to be "weak sauce."
At the time I didn't understand what he was talking about. Now I do.
If my blogs have been weak sauce, they're always going to be weak sauce because I will continue to write this blog forever.
I think that some people don't think that my blogs are weak sauce, 'cause I do receive a lot of fan letters. Like this one for example:
"Dear Videotheque Blog Dude,
"Deep shades of gray. Do you understand? 'Greed is bad.' A Mormon sermon. Keep your religion to yourself. [Kathy] is cool but she seems confused. I love her. A few words of advice. Keep your nose clean, but only when you get 'urges'. That's all.
"Your [blog] was a lucky one. All those female fingers. [Kathy] has made friends here. Some are fake but many are true. I am true.
"Worn out garments are shed by the body. Worn out bodies are shed by the dweller. New bodies are donned by the dweller, like garments.
"The greatest adventure of our lives is our lives. If you let [other people] destroy what you have, you'll be left with death. Life and death are both the same.
"Learn about people. Watch a film called 'The Ninth Configuration'. It's well worth it.
"Do people call you names? They do me. It sounds as if you have finally started living for yourself. You aren't dressing for your friends anymore, huh? That's good.
"Being of mixed heritage (my father is from Botswana and my mother from [Boston]) I had a few problems expressing myself as well. Once I thought I had to listen to rap. Then I moved to thrash, and now I'm into punk again.
"There was once a time when my hair was nearly every shade of the spectrum. Now I don't care. I'm glad you don't care either.
"I am in love with Lou Reed. Have you ever listened to him? You should. Please do not take my letter as a note from a girl in a stinking lockup who is hard up. Not the case. Plastic chairs. I hate them.
"'Time it was,
And what a time it was,
It was a time of innocence,
A time of confidences.
"'Long ago it must be,
I held a photograph,
Preserve your memories,
They're all that's left you.'
-'Bookends,' Simon and Garfunkel"
NEW RELEASES 12/02:
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN: If you are an overzealous Bible thumper who secretly loves war and fighting, this is for you! I saw the first one of these, so for the sake of closure and out of respect for overzealous Bible thumpers who secretly love war and fighting, and because William Moseley is my home boy, I felt obligated to give this one a whirl. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. Prince Caspian made my heart long for Orlando Bloom. Where's Orlando Bloom when you need him? I couldn't stop thinking about "Elizabethtown" whenever Prince Caspian was on the screen. "Elizabethtown" is good. I don't care what you say. Another bonus of this film is that Willow is in it. There's nothing like an angry Ewok with a Napoleon complex. But anyway, let's get back to "Elizabethtown," it has me thinking, maybe I should create a section for Cameron Crowe. A Cameron Crowe section would be great. There are no subsections Drama. Maybe there could just be one on the bottom shelf for Cameron Crowe. Maybe I will start working on that next week. Maybe after I'm done writing next week's blog.
THE PRICE OF SUGAR: I'm not sure when this comes out but I'll mention it anyway 'cause it's narrated by another one of my home boys, Paul Newman. I missed this movie because my priorities are way out of whack. But I digress, it's about people rising up against a powerful sugar baron. Sugar is delicious, I'll give you that. But at what price? What price?!
STEP BROTHERS: The Apatow train careens out of control with this new comedy by the patchy facial-haired director of "Talladega Nights." I know that William Ferrell and John C. Reilly mean well. They try to make people laugh, and I guess that's ultimately a good thing, in a world where most people are so quick to be negative. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. There are things known and things unknown and in between is the back story to their characters in this film. Also, there are some things in this film that I think I could've gone through life not having seen. In fact, I think I would've preferred it, but still, it has its moments and also it has Videotheque's back side in soft focus in the background.
WANTED: I didn't bother to watch this 'cause based on the title alone, I knew that I would in no way be able to relate with anyone in this movie. Terence Stamp reprises his role from "Toby Dammit" in this skin and bullet fest starring the girl from "Foxfire," and the dude from "Starter for 10." Based on a true story about someone with the ability to curve bullets. You know, like a curve ball, but more deadly. This is physically possible. I recommend practicing this by way of gleeking.
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE: A common experience that I've had during this long, sad, lonely life of mine is meeting girls in their mid-20's who get mad at me 'cause I'm a guy and they complain how unfair it is that men are considered more distinguished as they get older and women are considered less attractive. I can't win that argument so I often just don't say anything and then start to feel bad about myself for being distinguished, but I don't know, man, I just do not know, this Gillian Anderson gets more attractive with age. She makes herself in the early seasons of the series look like "Newsies." I liked the series and I liked the movie that followed, but then I saw trailers for this and saw Billy Connolly running around with limp arms, wearing Sean Connery's wig from "The Rock" and I thought to myself, I thought, "Man, F that noise!" But then I watched it anyway, instead of watching "The Price of Sugar," and you know what, kids? It's not half bad. In fact, I'd even venture to say it's half good. It's worth watching to see Gillian Anderson, but then the rest of the movie is half good. Kudos! Up yours, Chris Carter!
ALSO AVAILABLE:
24: Redemption
Body of War - The True Story of an Anti-War Hero
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All
I've Been Waiting So Long
Just About Love?
The Last Continent
Life and Nothing More...
A Man Named Pearl
Prince of Darkness
Savage Grace
Sleeping Beauty (Blu-ray)
Smashing Pumpkins - If All Goes Wrong
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold
At the time I didn't understand what he was talking about. Now I do.
If my blogs have been weak sauce, they're always going to be weak sauce because I will continue to write this blog forever.
I think that some people don't think that my blogs are weak sauce, 'cause I do receive a lot of fan letters. Like this one for example:
"Dear Videotheque Blog Dude,
"Deep shades of gray. Do you understand? 'Greed is bad.' A Mormon sermon. Keep your religion to yourself. [Kathy] is cool but she seems confused. I love her. A few words of advice. Keep your nose clean, but only when you get 'urges'. That's all.
"Your [blog] was a lucky one. All those female fingers. [Kathy] has made friends here. Some are fake but many are true. I am true.
"Worn out garments are shed by the body. Worn out bodies are shed by the dweller. New bodies are donned by the dweller, like garments.
"The greatest adventure of our lives is our lives. If you let [other people] destroy what you have, you'll be left with death. Life and death are both the same.
"Learn about people. Watch a film called 'The Ninth Configuration'. It's well worth it.
"Do people call you names? They do me. It sounds as if you have finally started living for yourself. You aren't dressing for your friends anymore, huh? That's good.
"Being of mixed heritage (my father is from Botswana and my mother from [Boston]) I had a few problems expressing myself as well. Once I thought I had to listen to rap. Then I moved to thrash, and now I'm into punk again.
"There was once a time when my hair was nearly every shade of the spectrum. Now I don't care. I'm glad you don't care either.
"I am in love with Lou Reed. Have you ever listened to him? You should. Please do not take my letter as a note from a girl in a stinking lockup who is hard up. Not the case. Plastic chairs. I hate them.
"'Time it was,
And what a time it was,
It was a time of innocence,
A time of confidences.
"'Long ago it must be,
I held a photograph,
Preserve your memories,
They're all that's left you.'
-'Bookends,' Simon and Garfunkel"
NEW RELEASES 12/02:
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN: If you are an overzealous Bible thumper who secretly loves war and fighting, this is for you! I saw the first one of these, so for the sake of closure and out of respect for overzealous Bible thumpers who secretly love war and fighting, and because William Moseley is my home boy, I felt obligated to give this one a whirl. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. Prince Caspian made my heart long for Orlando Bloom. Where's Orlando Bloom when you need him? I couldn't stop thinking about "Elizabethtown" whenever Prince Caspian was on the screen. "Elizabethtown" is good. I don't care what you say. Another bonus of this film is that Willow is in it. There's nothing like an angry Ewok with a Napoleon complex. But anyway, let's get back to "Elizabethtown," it has me thinking, maybe I should create a section for Cameron Crowe. A Cameron Crowe section would be great. There are no subsections Drama. Maybe there could just be one on the bottom shelf for Cameron Crowe. Maybe I will start working on that next week. Maybe after I'm done writing next week's blog.
THE PRICE OF SUGAR: I'm not sure when this comes out but I'll mention it anyway 'cause it's narrated by another one of my home boys, Paul Newman. I missed this movie because my priorities are way out of whack. But I digress, it's about people rising up against a powerful sugar baron. Sugar is delicious, I'll give you that. But at what price? What price?!
STEP BROTHERS: The Apatow train careens out of control with this new comedy by the patchy facial-haired director of "Talladega Nights." I know that William Ferrell and John C. Reilly mean well. They try to make people laugh, and I guess that's ultimately a good thing, in a world where most people are so quick to be negative. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. There are things known and things unknown and in between is the back story to their characters in this film. Also, there are some things in this film that I think I could've gone through life not having seen. In fact, I think I would've preferred it, but still, it has its moments and also it has Videotheque's back side in soft focus in the background.
WANTED: I didn't bother to watch this 'cause based on the title alone, I knew that I would in no way be able to relate with anyone in this movie. Terence Stamp reprises his role from "Toby Dammit" in this skin and bullet fest starring the girl from "Foxfire," and the dude from "Starter for 10." Based on a true story about someone with the ability to curve bullets. You know, like a curve ball, but more deadly. This is physically possible. I recommend practicing this by way of gleeking.
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE: A common experience that I've had during this long, sad, lonely life of mine is meeting girls in their mid-20's who get mad at me 'cause I'm a guy and they complain how unfair it is that men are considered more distinguished as they get older and women are considered less attractive. I can't win that argument so I often just don't say anything and then start to feel bad about myself for being distinguished, but I don't know, man, I just do not know, this Gillian Anderson gets more attractive with age. She makes herself in the early seasons of the series look like "Newsies." I liked the series and I liked the movie that followed, but then I saw trailers for this and saw Billy Connolly running around with limp arms, wearing Sean Connery's wig from "The Rock" and I thought to myself, I thought, "Man, F that noise!" But then I watched it anyway, instead of watching "The Price of Sugar," and you know what, kids? It's not half bad. In fact, I'd even venture to say it's half good. It's worth watching to see Gillian Anderson, but then the rest of the movie is half good. Kudos! Up yours, Chris Carter!
ALSO AVAILABLE:
24: Redemption
Body of War - The True Story of an Anti-War Hero
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All
I've Been Waiting So Long
Just About Love?
The Last Continent
Life and Nothing More...
A Man Named Pearl
Prince of Darkness
Savage Grace
Sleeping Beauty (Blu-ray)
Smashing Pumpkins - If All Goes Wrong
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold
...Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost.
