So it appears that the thing is this, you see, a lotta, lotta people are asking me, "Say, Gaspar, what did you do for Memorial Day weekend?" Well, my answer to that is simple. On Saturday I hung out with the guy who was living on the sidewalk in front of the building. I asked him if he could recommend any film schools. He told me that he did his undergrad at Art Center and L.A. Film School and that he got his graduate degree at AFI. He spoke highly of all three schools. Even though he seemed content, I felt sorry for the guy 'cause he had a G.D. DVD dropbox in his living room. Then I went to Luka's birthday party and prom. They were at the same time, so I had to shuttle back and forth between them like that girl in "27 Dresses". I don't remember Sunday at all. Then on Monday I went to TJ's where I was chased into their parking lot by an angry mob of about a half a dozen people. I asked the mob of about a half a dozen people why they were chasing me into the parking lot at TJ's. They told me they were South Pas's angriest mob ever, of about a half a dozen people in the TJ's parking lot and that they were mad because I had spoiled the ending of "Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Chrystal Stick." I explained to the mob of a half a dozen people in the TJ's parking lot that I hadn't seen it and that it was just a guess, and then one of the members of the angriest mob ever of about a half a dozen people in the TJ's parking lot said, "Well, you guessed right, and your disruptive presence is tearing this wholesome community apart!" Then the weirdest thing happened. A six-year-old kid came out of the crowd with a DVD of "Cloverfield" and pointed at the headless Statue of Liberty on it and said, "If I find the guy who did this, I will shoot him in the head!" I was about to tell him that a giant monster did it and that several branches of the military had a tough time bringing it down, so simply shooting it in the head probably wouldn't do any good, but before I could express this point, another guy in the angry mob of about a half a dozen people in the TJ's parking lot said, "Hey, the kid's got a good point, let's go lobby for kids to be able to carry weapons!" They all agreed and ran off. Then a guy came up to me with a sheep on a leash, but he was just dragging the sheep 'cause the sheep couldn't walk, and I was like, "Hey, man, what's wrong with your sheep?" He said, "I don't know, he can't walk. I've been feeding him a steady diet of coffee and cigarettes and nothing seems to be helping." And that was about all that happened. It was pretty uneventful. Oh, and I forgot to mention, on Friday I ate my weight in Godfather's Pizza and watched "Jerry Maguire" and somebody spiked my drink with acid.
NEW RELEASES 05/27:
CLEANER: You know that part in "Pulp Fiction" when Samuel L. Jackson and that dude from "Saturday Night Fever" are cleaning up that guy's brain's from inside the car in Jimmie's garage. This movie is kind of like a comedy thriller version of that without the guy from "Saturday Night Fever" and with Eva Mendes instead. I watched it!
DARFUR NOW: If you're at all like me, you must feel like a rank underachiever. I think the best way to heighten that feeling is to watch a documentary where people are creating positive change in the world. And I know you might think this could be a downer, but it's artfully done and somewhat entertaining 'cause every now and then this guy from the Sudan pops up and is like, "No, no, everything's cool, don't worry about it!" And then (spoiler alert) Arnold Schwartzenegger pops out at the end and is like, "Hasta la vista, baby!" I'm not really kidding.
RAMBO: So, we had the "Cloverfield" poster in front of the counter right in the eyeline of most small children and it traumatized a couple of them. At one time Chuck and I stuck a rubber dalmation over it so it would distract the children from the horror that was the poster, but then somebody pulled the dalmation off, which just goes to prove why we can't have nice things. So, anyway, we replaced the "Cloverfield" poster with the "Rambo," poster. Every awful thing I said about Nic Cage when "National Treasure 2" was coming out, you can apply it to this dude tenfold. I often like a good action movie, but for some reason I never got into this franchise. But from what Skidmark tells me, it sounds like good clean fun, but without Eva Mendes.
THE WALKER: This murder mystery by Paul Schrader stars Woody from "Cheers" and a lot of aging actresses. I don't know, man, I just do not know. I like a lot of Paul Schrader's movies, for example, I think "Auto Focus" is a great movie for a first date, but I noticed an obvious absence of Eva Mendes and couldn't get into it.
OTHER MOVIES WITHOUT EVA MENDES RELEASED 05/27:
THE BUDDHA OF SUBURBIA
www.vidtheque.com
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Well, what I had said was I’m in the math club, uh, the Latin club, and the physics club.
Physics club.
The other day, someone said to me, "Say, Sally, you're 48 and you still work in a video store. What gives?" I knelt down on the floor and looked that guy right in the eye and said, "For starters, it's DVD rentals AND sales! And, anyway, what are you six and still living at home and renting 'Harry Potter'?! I'd rather be 48 than six any day!" and he stormed off in search of his mother.
NEW RELEASES for 05/20 that I forgot on Tuesday:
THE FLOCK: I used to like "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "American Gigolo" but I think my compatriots' disdain for Richard Gere is rubbing off on me, 'cause when I heard this straight-to-DVD Richard Gere vehicle was coming out, I said, "Stop the DVD printing presses! No seriously!" But if you want an intense thriller starring a haggard individual with fine wisps of white hair, flock into the store for this magic.
THE MUPPET SHOW - SEASON 3: Are you like me? Do you like to occasionally pretend that the muppets aren't collecting dust in a storage unit in Sylmar? I do! Now you can pretend every night is whatever night these aired on in 1979!
RECOMMENDED SECTIONS that I didn't mention on Tuesday:
If I learned one thing this week, it's that Mrs. Scarlet did it in the kitchen with the wrench.
BETTE DAVIS: I know what you're thinking, and no, no, she didn't die. She's still very much dead from the first time she died, but now we've got a centeniel Bette Davis section to celebrate this woman's prolific career. You name it, if she was in it and it's on a disc, and it's not checked out, or late, or stolen, it'll be in this section.
I LOVE YOU, INDY!: You may have noticed there's a new Indiana Jones film in theaters that has something to do with Chrystal stick deodorant and possibly a shocker ending where you are surprised to find out that Shia LaBouf is really Indiana and Karen Allen's son. I don't know if that's the case, but if it is, spoiler alert, suckas! But I digress, anyhoo, now we got a phat section with the old Indy movies and also selected movies featuring actors from the films, such as "Disturbia" and "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains" and "The Wanderers".
Grace's pix TRAVEL TIME: This is an oldie but a goodie that Grace has reassembled featuring every time travel movie you could imagine. I mean, if you can imagine a time travel movie that's not here, you're a freak. Movies like, "Back to the Future" and "Back to the Future II" and "Back to the Future III" are here, among others, like "Back to the Future" and "Back to the Future II".
Skidmark's pix PUPPY DOGS, RAINBOWS AND KITTY CATS: The other Mark is back with a new nick name so as not to confuse people looking for the real Mark. And once again, his section is as wholesome as ever as he is a wholesome person. Sweet little offerings like "Cujo" and "Harry and Tonto" are here.
France Gall's being recommendation effecient by still having her pix I previously mentioned J'ATTENDS UN ENFANT: With movies all about devil spawn.
Rick's pix UNDERACHIEVERS DATING OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE: When Rick's not reading minds or feeling very, very dank, he dwells heavily on the fact that he's an underachiever and wonders why he can't get an awesome girl like Diane Court to go out with him and then he despises Lloyd Dobler, and one day during a contemplation of this sort it occured to him that there is an entire subgenre of films where underachievers date out of their leagues, i.e.: "Some Kind of Wonderful" and "Knocked Up" and the one that keeps Rick awake at night, "Say Anything".
www.vidtheque.com
The other day, someone said to me, "Say, Sally, you're 48 and you still work in a video store. What gives?" I knelt down on the floor and looked that guy right in the eye and said, "For starters, it's DVD rentals AND sales! And, anyway, what are you six and still living at home and renting 'Harry Potter'?! I'd rather be 48 than six any day!" and he stormed off in search of his mother.
NEW RELEASES for 05/20 that I forgot on Tuesday:
THE FLOCK: I used to like "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "American Gigolo" but I think my compatriots' disdain for Richard Gere is rubbing off on me, 'cause when I heard this straight-to-DVD Richard Gere vehicle was coming out, I said, "Stop the DVD printing presses! No seriously!" But if you want an intense thriller starring a haggard individual with fine wisps of white hair, flock into the store for this magic.
THE MUPPET SHOW - SEASON 3: Are you like me? Do you like to occasionally pretend that the muppets aren't collecting dust in a storage unit in Sylmar? I do! Now you can pretend every night is whatever night these aired on in 1979!
RECOMMENDED SECTIONS that I didn't mention on Tuesday:
If I learned one thing this week, it's that Mrs. Scarlet did it in the kitchen with the wrench.
BETTE DAVIS: I know what you're thinking, and no, no, she didn't die. She's still very much dead from the first time she died, but now we've got a centeniel Bette Davis section to celebrate this woman's prolific career. You name it, if she was in it and it's on a disc, and it's not checked out, or late, or stolen, it'll be in this section.
I LOVE YOU, INDY!: You may have noticed there's a new Indiana Jones film in theaters that has something to do with Chrystal stick deodorant and possibly a shocker ending where you are surprised to find out that Shia LaBouf is really Indiana and Karen Allen's son. I don't know if that's the case, but if it is, spoiler alert, suckas! But I digress, anyhoo, now we got a phat section with the old Indy movies and also selected movies featuring actors from the films, such as "Disturbia" and "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains" and "The Wanderers".
Grace's pix TRAVEL TIME: This is an oldie but a goodie that Grace has reassembled featuring every time travel movie you could imagine. I mean, if you can imagine a time travel movie that's not here, you're a freak. Movies like, "Back to the Future" and "Back to the Future II" and "Back to the Future III" are here, among others, like "Back to the Future" and "Back to the Future II".
Skidmark's pix PUPPY DOGS, RAINBOWS AND KITTY CATS: The other Mark is back with a new nick name so as not to confuse people looking for the real Mark. And once again, his section is as wholesome as ever as he is a wholesome person. Sweet little offerings like "Cujo" and "Harry and Tonto" are here.
France Gall's being recommendation effecient by still having her pix I previously mentioned J'ATTENDS UN ENFANT: With movies all about devil spawn.
Rick's pix UNDERACHIEVERS DATING OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE: When Rick's not reading minds or feeling very, very dank, he dwells heavily on the fact that he's an underachiever and wonders why he can't get an awesome girl like Diane Court to go out with him and then he despises Lloyd Dobler, and one day during a contemplation of this sort it occured to him that there is an entire subgenre of films where underachievers date out of their leagues, i.e.: "Some Kind of Wonderful" and "Knocked Up" and the one that keeps Rick awake at night, "Say Anything".
www.vidtheque.com
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Rebenga!
So, um, yeah, the thing is this, this week I went to the ER and I got my stitches taken out. Ever since then I've been leaving stuffing everywhere I go. When Raggedy Ann found out that I had them taken out, she called me a dumba**, but I just tell her that the road to success will be paved with my innards. She can be kind of a b**** sometimes, but she means well.
NEW RELEASES 05/20:
THE CAR: This was bound to happen with Josh Brolin's recent sucesses, old James Brolin sh** is getting put out. This 1970's PG variation of the demon car theme is now out on DVD. Demonizing people or things makes it easy to justify whatever it is you want to do. Perhaps the driver of this car was just having a bad day and was running over people on accident, repeatedly. So what? But if you demonize the car, it makes it perfectly okay to blow it up, when in reality, it would be much more healthy to just sit down and have a heart-to-heart.
DIARY OF THE DEAD: George A. Romero is back and older than ever behind the camera in this the fifth or so movie in the "Living Dead" series. In the previous one, "Land of the Dead" the zombies were smarter, this time they're keeping diaries and I think that's great! From what I read up on in my thorough research, in this one, a group of film students run into the Blair Witch ... errr ... I mean, the zombies. I went to film school and if some zombies had shown up, we could've called it a straight swap.
MEETING RESISTANCE: You know in "Fight Club" when they take things up a notch and become Project Mayhem? Well, this makes that look like "Newsies". A couple journalists-turned-filmmakers spent years searching for the answer to the question, who are these people in Iraq, blowin' sh** up? Turns out it's the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.
NATIONAL TREASURE 2 - BOOK OF SECRETS: Back in the olden days when the first "National Treasure" came out on DVD it was the type of thing that I probably would've watched, but at the time my coworker bogarted it so I didn't get a chance to see it. At the time, I was sad, but now I am grateful and I saw trailers for this one and now I think this man needs to be stopped, or there at least needs to be some sort of intervention or something. He's kind of been out of control ever since "Moonstruck" and "Raising Arizona".
SLOGAN: This 1969 film stars Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin falling in love, I guess both on and off camera. I wouldn't know what that's like, so I will have to watch this movie and take copious notes and possibly cry.
SQUARE PEGS - THE COMPLETE SERIES: I used to watch this with my sister back in the olden days when she used to speak to me, back before the incident. Anyway, it was so long ago, all that I remember is the Halloween episode. All I remember of several television shows from that era are the Halloween episodes, I think mainly 'cause I was wondering why it was so dark and windy all the sudden. I do miss Tracy Nelson quite a bit, though.
STRANGE WILDERNESS: In this new sampling from the Happy Madison camp Steve Zahn is a wildlife TV show host who decides to hunt down Bigfoot in order to bolster his ratings. I have a strange feeling this movie would've been more entertaining before Steve Irwin took a bullray stinger to the heart.
ALSO OUT NOW:
If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium
What Did You Do in the War, Daddy?
The Willow Tree
Some Came Running
Georges Melies: First Wizard of Cinema (1896-1913)
Harry Langdon ...The Forgotten Clown
SIDEWALK UPDATE
The dudes that were messing up the sidewalk before put some bricks around the trees and also put in lightposts like "Singin' In The Rain" but instead of someone dancing on them, some dumb kid is probably gonna tag on them. Now they're jackhammering across the street so Buster's looks like the old west.
www.vidtheque.com
(The views expressed here do not represent the views of anyone ... hey, uh, yeah, so could you please stop using the DVDs as a foot rest. This means you. Somebody may need to handle them one day and then eat finger foods, mkay? Thanks.)
NEW RELEASES 05/20:
THE CAR: This was bound to happen with Josh Brolin's recent sucesses, old James Brolin sh** is getting put out. This 1970's PG variation of the demon car theme is now out on DVD. Demonizing people or things makes it easy to justify whatever it is you want to do. Perhaps the driver of this car was just having a bad day and was running over people on accident, repeatedly. So what? But if you demonize the car, it makes it perfectly okay to blow it up, when in reality, it would be much more healthy to just sit down and have a heart-to-heart.
DIARY OF THE DEAD: George A. Romero is back and older than ever behind the camera in this the fifth or so movie in the "Living Dead" series. In the previous one, "Land of the Dead" the zombies were smarter, this time they're keeping diaries and I think that's great! From what I read up on in my thorough research, in this one, a group of film students run into the Blair Witch ... errr ... I mean, the zombies. I went to film school and if some zombies had shown up, we could've called it a straight swap.
MEETING RESISTANCE: You know in "Fight Club" when they take things up a notch and become Project Mayhem? Well, this makes that look like "Newsies". A couple journalists-turned-filmmakers spent years searching for the answer to the question, who are these people in Iraq, blowin' sh** up? Turns out it's the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.
NATIONAL TREASURE 2 - BOOK OF SECRETS: Back in the olden days when the first "National Treasure" came out on DVD it was the type of thing that I probably would've watched, but at the time my coworker bogarted it so I didn't get a chance to see it. At the time, I was sad, but now I am grateful and I saw trailers for this one and now I think this man needs to be stopped, or there at least needs to be some sort of intervention or something. He's kind of been out of control ever since "Moonstruck" and "Raising Arizona".
SLOGAN: This 1969 film stars Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin falling in love, I guess both on and off camera. I wouldn't know what that's like, so I will have to watch this movie and take copious notes and possibly cry.
SQUARE PEGS - THE COMPLETE SERIES: I used to watch this with my sister back in the olden days when she used to speak to me, back before the incident. Anyway, it was so long ago, all that I remember is the Halloween episode. All I remember of several television shows from that era are the Halloween episodes, I think mainly 'cause I was wondering why it was so dark and windy all the sudden. I do miss Tracy Nelson quite a bit, though.
STRANGE WILDERNESS: In this new sampling from the Happy Madison camp Steve Zahn is a wildlife TV show host who decides to hunt down Bigfoot in order to bolster his ratings. I have a strange feeling this movie would've been more entertaining before Steve Irwin took a bullray stinger to the heart.
ALSO OUT NOW:
If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium
What Did You Do in the War, Daddy?
The Willow Tree
Some Came Running
Georges Melies: First Wizard of Cinema (1896-1913)
Harry Langdon ...The Forgotten Clown
SIDEWALK UPDATE
The dudes that were messing up the sidewalk before put some bricks around the trees and also put in lightposts like "Singin' In The Rain" but instead of someone dancing on them, some dumb kid is probably gonna tag on them. Now they're jackhammering across the street so Buster's looks like the old west.
www.vidtheque.com
(The views expressed here do not represent the views of anyone ... hey, uh, yeah, so could you please stop using the DVDs as a foot rest. This means you. Somebody may need to handle them one day and then eat finger foods, mkay? Thanks.)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug.
Don't you hate it when you get somebody a gift and they just throw it back in your face? I do! This weekend, on Mother's Day I went to my mom's and brought her a taco from Jack-N-the Box and when I gave it to her she held it between two fingers and said, "That's not a real taco!" And she threw it in the yard. I said, "But they still taste good!" And she slammed the front door on my a**. I ate that taco anyway and the fine layer of top soil only added to the flavor.
NEW STUFFS 05/12
LA CHINOISE: Finally on DVD for reals; this is Jean-Luc Godard's 1967 film which John Hughes ripped off for "The Breakfast Club."
THE FIRE WITHIN: Louis Malle turns up the heat in this one from 1963, about a man who decides to end his life, but first decides to visit his friends to try and decide whether or not life is worth continuing. It must be nice these quote/unquote friends I hear of so much.
LE GAI SAVOIR: This is the 1969 Jean-Luc Godard film that the movie "Airheads" was ripped off of.
THE GREAT DEBATERS: I haven't seen this one, but I wouldn't mind watching it 'cause I like Denzel 'cause he once said, "King Kong ain't got sh** on me!" and I think those are wise words, and true, too. Plus, I think it's good that there's a movie that glorifies arguing.
LIFE AFTER PEOPLE: The folks at the History Channel really nerded out this time. This "documentary" explores what the world would be like if all human beings disappeared from the Earth and left their coffee makers on. If you like irrelevent speculative malarkey, come get your fill. I myself think someone needs to give the dorks at the History Channel a history lesson on hanky panky, y'know ... that sweet, sweet love makin' that keeps our population skyrocketing.
THE LOVERS: Guess what, when it rains it pours. This 1958 Louis Malle film stars Jeanne Moreau as a woman who's husband isn't makin' right with the hanky panky so she finds better hanky panky sources.
MAD MONEY: I don't know anything about this movie. Nor do I want to. The cover has Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes and Queen Latifah in white limbo throwing money around. I think this sets a bad precident in our economy's current trying times.
UNTRACEABLE: Diane Lane can do no wrong in my book ... if there was a book ... which there's not ... anyhow, I'd sit through the most tedious of OnStar product placements for her ... so I watched this. I had low expectations but as I told a previous coworker who no longer works here 'cause she couldn't stand me, all I need in order to like a movie is a sympathetic protagonist and some sort of conflict. Now in this movie not only is the protagonist sympathetic, so is the serial killer! He seemed like a nice guy, despite all his serial killing. Mmmm ... cereal.
YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH: The acclaimed filmmaker of "Jack" and "Peggy Sue Got Married" is back with the prequel to "Powder." Tim Roth plays a man in his 70s who harnesses the 1.21 jigowatts of electricity needed to grow younger. Whenever you watch a movie by this guy, you take a risk 'cause he's outside the studio system, so he can film upside down if he wants to.
OTHER NEW STUFFS:
Gamers
In Our Hands
The Living End: Remixed and Remastered
Lovers and Lollipops + Weddings and Babies
Lydia Lunch: Willing Victim
The Owl And The Pussycat
Saturday Night Live - Season 3
Shinobi No Mono 2: Vengeance
SIDEWALK UPDATE
Yesterday they paved the sidewalk, so when I came in today, I realized much to my horror that people had been entering the back way all day yesterday. I find that highly disgusting. You people are sick! Now that the sidewalk is done, there'll be no more of that. The new sidewalk is coarse so it's okay to run near the pool. If there were a pool. Which there's not.
www.vidtheque.com
(The views expressed here do not represent those of Videotheque or its staff, or its staff's staff, or any of the studios or filmmakers who made the films mentioned, or anyone else on the planet who could be held responsible. Especially the part about the sidewalk.)
NEW STUFFS 05/12
LA CHINOISE: Finally on DVD for reals; this is Jean-Luc Godard's 1967 film which John Hughes ripped off for "The Breakfast Club."
THE FIRE WITHIN: Louis Malle turns up the heat in this one from 1963, about a man who decides to end his life, but first decides to visit his friends to try and decide whether or not life is worth continuing. It must be nice these quote/unquote friends I hear of so much.
LE GAI SAVOIR: This is the 1969 Jean-Luc Godard film that the movie "Airheads" was ripped off of.
THE GREAT DEBATERS: I haven't seen this one, but I wouldn't mind watching it 'cause I like Denzel 'cause he once said, "King Kong ain't got sh** on me!" and I think those are wise words, and true, too. Plus, I think it's good that there's a movie that glorifies arguing.
LIFE AFTER PEOPLE: The folks at the History Channel really nerded out this time. This "documentary" explores what the world would be like if all human beings disappeared from the Earth and left their coffee makers on. If you like irrelevent speculative malarkey, come get your fill. I myself think someone needs to give the dorks at the History Channel a history lesson on hanky panky, y'know ... that sweet, sweet love makin' that keeps our population skyrocketing.
THE LOVERS: Guess what, when it rains it pours. This 1958 Louis Malle film stars Jeanne Moreau as a woman who's husband isn't makin' right with the hanky panky so she finds better hanky panky sources.
MAD MONEY: I don't know anything about this movie. Nor do I want to. The cover has Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes and Queen Latifah in white limbo throwing money around. I think this sets a bad precident in our economy's current trying times.
UNTRACEABLE: Diane Lane can do no wrong in my book ... if there was a book ... which there's not ... anyhow, I'd sit through the most tedious of OnStar product placements for her ... so I watched this. I had low expectations but as I told a previous coworker who no longer works here 'cause she couldn't stand me, all I need in order to like a movie is a sympathetic protagonist and some sort of conflict. Now in this movie not only is the protagonist sympathetic, so is the serial killer! He seemed like a nice guy, despite all his serial killing. Mmmm ... cereal.
YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH: The acclaimed filmmaker of "Jack" and "Peggy Sue Got Married" is back with the prequel to "Powder." Tim Roth plays a man in his 70s who harnesses the 1.21 jigowatts of electricity needed to grow younger. Whenever you watch a movie by this guy, you take a risk 'cause he's outside the studio system, so he can film upside down if he wants to.
OTHER NEW STUFFS:
Gamers
In Our Hands
The Living End: Remixed and Remastered
Lovers and Lollipops + Weddings and Babies
Lydia Lunch: Willing Victim
The Owl And The Pussycat
Saturday Night Live - Season 3
Shinobi No Mono 2: Vengeance
SIDEWALK UPDATE
Yesterday they paved the sidewalk, so when I came in today, I realized much to my horror that people had been entering the back way all day yesterday. I find that highly disgusting. You people are sick! Now that the sidewalk is done, there'll be no more of that. The new sidewalk is coarse so it's okay to run near the pool. If there were a pool. Which there's not.
www.vidtheque.com
(The views expressed here do not represent those of Videotheque or its staff, or its staff's staff, or any of the studios or filmmakers who made the films mentioned, or anyone else on the planet who could be held responsible. Especially the part about the sidewalk.)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
So, the thing is this, it seems in my haste the other day, I forgot one of Tuesday's new releases.
I have to tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen Steve Buscemi get punched in the stomach whilst eating blueberry cheesecake.
NEW RELEASE 05/06
P.S. I LOVE YOU: In the wake of "The Next Karate Kid" and the death of Brandon Teena, the Hilary Swank money machine is still rolling and with this film it is stronger than ever. From what I understand the dude from "300" comes back from the dead and to haunt the Swanksta and make a mockery of my motherland. Swanksta is what we used to call her back in high school. Swanksta Trippin'.
How come I'm writing a review for something we don't even have? Because maybe one day we will have it and at that time we can watch the last ten minutes that wouldn't play since the first shipment was defective 'cause an alien put his fingerprint on it.
www.vidtheque.com
I have to tell you, you haven't lived until you've seen Steve Buscemi get punched in the stomach whilst eating blueberry cheesecake.
NEW RELEASE 05/06
P.S. I LOVE YOU: In the wake of "The Next Karate Kid" and the death of Brandon Teena, the Hilary Swank money machine is still rolling and with this film it is stronger than ever. From what I understand the dude from "300" comes back from the dead and to haunt the Swanksta and make a mockery of my motherland. Swanksta is what we used to call her back in high school. Swanksta Trippin'.
How come I'm writing a review for something we don't even have? Because maybe one day we will have it and at that time we can watch the last ten minutes that wouldn't play since the first shipment was defective 'cause an alien put his fingerprint on it.
www.vidtheque.com
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Hey Kids! Do you know what that sound is?
It's the Bolshoi Ballet performing "The Nutcracker" ... in my pants!
Are you like me? Do you like to take the edge off by listening to Goth and cutting yourself? If I learned one thing this weekend, it's that if you cut deep enough to sever the nerve endings, you don't even feel it! Is that great news or what?! So if you cut yourself, cut deep.
NEW RELEASES 05/06:
BELLA: According to The New York Times this is the number 1 rated film. To that I say, rated what? I don't know. But it says on the back that it's "family approved" so if you're a square, come and get it.
BERNARD AND DORIS: Raffe Feinnes and Susie Sarandon star in this Bob Balaban directed charmer. You might not know Bob Balaban by name, but he's the guy who always gets killed in the third act.
A COLLECTION OF 2007 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED SHORT FILMS: Every year for the Oscars, I make it a point not to watch them 'cause they make me want to cut myself, but then I watch them anyway and then wind up wanting to cut myself. This year there was one point where it didn't make me want to cut myself and that was when they were announcing the nominees for best short films, and now they're on DVD. It's like a special collection of non-crap.
I'M NOT THERE: Bob Dylan has out-lived Heath Ledger. That's the world we're living in, my friend.
TEETH: It's rare anymore to find good horror that has a cover that looks like it's ripped off both the cover art of "What Lies Beneath" and "American Beauty". It really hasn't happened since "Slither" so seize the opportunity. If you want. You don't have to. What do you think? Fine don't. But you might like it. Do you want me to watch it with you? Do you think I should watch it, too? I don't have to, if you don't want me to. I can watch it by myself.
There's probably other valuable information I could tell you here, but somebody cutted up my hand.
www.vidtheque.com
Are you like me? Do you like to take the edge off by listening to Goth and cutting yourself? If I learned one thing this weekend, it's that if you cut deep enough to sever the nerve endings, you don't even feel it! Is that great news or what?! So if you cut yourself, cut deep.
NEW RELEASES 05/06:
BELLA: According to The New York Times this is the number 1 rated film. To that I say, rated what? I don't know. But it says on the back that it's "family approved" so if you're a square, come and get it.
BERNARD AND DORIS: Raffe Feinnes and Susie Sarandon star in this Bob Balaban directed charmer. You might not know Bob Balaban by name, but he's the guy who always gets killed in the third act.
A COLLECTION OF 2007 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED SHORT FILMS: Every year for the Oscars, I make it a point not to watch them 'cause they make me want to cut myself, but then I watch them anyway and then wind up wanting to cut myself. This year there was one point where it didn't make me want to cut myself and that was when they were announcing the nominees for best short films, and now they're on DVD. It's like a special collection of non-crap.
I'M NOT THERE: Bob Dylan has out-lived Heath Ledger. That's the world we're living in, my friend.
TEETH: It's rare anymore to find good horror that has a cover that looks like it's ripped off both the cover art of "What Lies Beneath" and "American Beauty". It really hasn't happened since "Slither" so seize the opportunity. If you want. You don't have to. What do you think? Fine don't. But you might like it. Do you want me to watch it with you? Do you think I should watch it, too? I don't have to, if you don't want me to. I can watch it by myself.
There's probably other valuable information I could tell you here, but somebody cutted up my hand.
www.vidtheque.com
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