8:31 The Special Pious Edition

heeelllooo So we are here and early. Agaetis Byrjun. This week we are diving into the realm of that ol time relijun! With a few special surprises with equal parts stupidity. After such a long and nice weekend me thinks it's good the feel the DVD breeze through your hair.

First and Foremost: Forbidden Zone!! If you don't know what this is man, then forget you are dead to me. Just stop reading here. The looooooonggger than John Holmes awaited DVD for this is finally out! We ordered 517 copies to digest, just enough for the lower east side of south pasadena. Way before Dead Man's Party came this cult of cults film starring Danny Elfman and directed by Richard Elfman. Loads and loads of features including commentaries, behind the scenes docs, and the history of the Mystic Knights of the Oingo-Boingo! Oh man, oh man oh man. and yes, women too.

The Pa$$ion of the Christ: Mr. Gibson and co. recently urged churches to buy several copies of Jesus via a special bargain package. These were to be sold during masses right before holy communion. Little bit of bread, little wine and movie. All set. Anywho, I don't want this to be anti-christian banter, because it AINT, but really in churches? Back to what this is all about... Jim Caweasel is the main man himself during his last hours. If you thought there was a lot of blood in the Kill Bills, well wait to you see this. Kill Bill beats by at least a pint or two. For such a high grossing "indie" flick, the DVD is barebones. Nothing to sell I guess. Just be warned, it's gonna get worse than LOTR of Star Wars. I anticipate maybe ten or twelve different "special editions" including the special Kosher version. As well as the alternate ending. Make sure you load up on those holy carbs during those late nights as you are glued to the white light of the television.

The Passion of the Jew: No you heard me right. However it's those crazy kids at South Park retelling the greatest story ever told (over and over again). Cartman plays the bitch, and Kyle the jew. Irrelevant, crude and heartwarming all at the same time.

Chris Rock, Never Scared: I thought it said Never Sacred which would have been awesome for this week!! I stayed up late watching Bad Company last night and noticed he has some pearly whites! I think only Zach Braff comes pretty close. Never Scared features more cuss words than Glengarry Glenn Ross and better jokes than the White House, and oh let's not forget those chompers.

Trekkies 2: Theeeeeeeyyyyyyy''rrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee Baaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkkk!! A religion for some (eh, see how they tie in) Trekkies returns with more oddball, ahem, Trekkies. This doc packs a punch for humor and humiliation for the poor kids of these people. Makes me think of one time a little kid, maybe four or five years old, came in with his mother and began to yell and cry bloody-mary for a DVD he wanted. That DVD: Sound of Music. I would call that kid a Von Trappie.

Twisted: Ashely Judd stars in this remake of Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy, and High Crimes. She plays Jessica Sheppard who "gets around" and consequently those who's she's been with, become dead! or get dead whichever you prefer. Bad-Ass mutha Sam Jackson and Mary-Lou Retton co-star.

24th Day: To be honest, I don't have a clue what this is, but hey it might be good. I'll read you what it says: "It's been 24 days since Tom found out that his life was ruined by a previous encounter with Dan. 24 days since he decided Dan would have to pay with his life. In this electrrifying suspense thriller, driven by superstar performances, you'll be holding your breath to see who survives the 24th day." You be the judge and don't let the zombies scare you.

Ok, that concludes today's ceremonies. Please have a nice day. Adieu.

8:24

blah hey babs, I'm glad to see you again. Over the short short weekend, the sun cooled down a little, the US won a bunch of gold medals, and the world continued as it did everyday. Where am I going with this you ask? Nowhere. I just needed something to grab you by the nuts and pull you in! let's begin with what little we have this week:

Dogville: Pssh! Been there, down that! We've had this puppy in for weeks! (Just don't go telling the greedy little film companies) This second-latest Von Trier flick stars Nicole Kidman running, hiding and lying in a little town. A little darling big by arthaus fans, critics and even the vice president! Well, probably not, but hey you never know. So if you are like the rest of those other video stores and haven't grabbed this one, get with it man! Sucka!

The Girl Next Door: Yeah, it's a little like Risky Business, 48 hours and other 80's genre films, I still liked it nonetheless. Maybe it's my affinity for that Elisha girl, maybe because it's actually a little funny, or maybe it's because his name begins with a K, regardless it ain't that bad. Me thinks, it's good for those lazy/somethin wild saturday nights. Or, when you are at home sulking erstwhile your friends are at the prom getting wasted and thinking about how cool it would have been to of taken a porn star. And then you spill punch on the hot girl's white dress, and there's no chance of her calling me...er you. O those were the days

Laws of Attraction: When this came out in the theaters I remember the producers put ads in the newspaper with Julianne Moore acting as a "real" lawyer soliciting clients for her firm. It threw Celebrity Justice for a loop, as well as half a million people. I thought to myself, hey that's a pretty good marketing ploy, maybe it'll make some money. Well, it didn't. And now I'm thinking where are those marketing execs now that the DVD has been released? No newspaper ads, not even a wicked poster! I'm guessing they are sitting on the corner of 86th and Lex, using that ad as toilet paper. Man, this is one rough business.

I Vitelloni: Mr. Fellini's 1953 film is finally out with a bad ass DVD. Brought to you by the proud and expensive Criterion Collection, this Italian classic is nicely cleaned up with a few extra features that are exclusive to this bad boy. Personally one of my early faves, this gem is worth two of your measley hours. Viva l'arte!

That's about it for this day, nothing too much this time around. So I guess I'll go back and twiddle my thumbs. let us know how we are doing! Ciao bella!

Website of the week!

go to: www.lindablair.com it's great, see what's become of this woman.

8:10

Heya Well, like if you missed our we suck message, it simply said: we suck. Technology has gone awol here, so we've had to cope with no access to anything, but me thinks we got it fixed (to some degree), so I'll briefly catch you up as to what's happening here in nowhereville. Probably the only one that people actually care about:

Kill William Volume Two: Do I really need to explain this?

Tod Browning's FREAKS: This incredible cult hit of the thirties hits it's ugly face on DVD. It has some pretty wicked extras including a never seen doc on the making of said film. If you like wierd things and little people, I would say go for this one.

Goodbye Lenin: Like a corny Boyz II Men song, it really is hard to say adios. But since this film doesn't deal with any goodbyes it's just a clever way for you to go, "Hey, some young kid knows that guy from the Beatles." and then you feel stupid. Anyways, a kid tries to recreate the Deustchland for his mom before she had her long overdue coma, Berlin wall and all. It might be fun. That's it for anything real good this past week, next is better I promise. But before I go, if you happened to see yourself in the 91030, stop by and check out our staff picks. We have tirelessly searched and researched to bring you, drumroll please: \

TARANTINO UNDER THE INFLUENCE: We have pinpointed almost every little nuance that makes up the Kill Bill movies. We've written what exactly QT ripped off and have them stacked nicely and accrodingly. So come see what little screenwriting QT really had to do for his latest hits. Some of the films include: Game of Death, Battle Royale, Godzilla, and even Scarface. I won't tell you what took from them, well unless you ask nicely, but come see what a waste our time was!

Also, right above that neat section we have, Dirty Politics. Since election time is right around the corner, a good three months away, we figured hell, why not? We've put up some of the most politically charged movies out there, i.e. JFK, the War Room, and First Kid with Sinbad! So whether you like the pachyderm or the ass, there's something here for you.

thanks, if you are still there, for hanging with us. We'll try to get things groovin' soon. See ya on Tuesday.

Yeah we suck

Hey kats Our comp system has been down for a week or so, thus any updates and trash talkin has been non-existent. I have managed to sneek away to the library to let you wonderful people know. WE are currently trying to fix our , so please stick around, and we shall raise hell soon enough! Danke Shane! VT