Monday, December 19, 2005

12:20 (patent pending)

Sup yo

So, the toothless she-devil exclaimed to me the other day that these little bloggies are losing their "umph." Hark! I replied, is that the sound of your dignity leaving you? Well, unfortunately it was just me and not her dignity, but I vowed from that day on to show her my smile every day. My big smile, with ALL of my teeth.

It's like a sibling rivalry, only better:

Brothers Grimm: Oh man, I don't know what's worse: the cover art on this thing, or Matt Damon's mole. It just looks at you, never looking away, taunting you, saying "Hello, little one. Care from guacoMOLE?!" And then you train yourself to wander your eye over to Monica Bellucci's cleverly placed cleavage. Not that you know, one would notice such a thing. Sigh, come back Terry, we miss you.

Exorcism of Emily Rose: What better time than Jesus's birthday to release a film about the devil? Awesome I say! Marketing is getting better these days, are for that reason alone you should rent this. No pea soup or spiderwalk here, but some really wierd contortions, and some butt ugly grimaces. Based on a "true" story, The Exorcism of Emily Rose is great holiday treat!!

Four Brothers: Mark Walhberg revisits his funky bunch daze, only he's not rocking the Calvin's. It's too bad that Marky left the hip hop world for movies, and I quote:
Yo! It's about that time
To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme
I'm a get mine so get yours
I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores
On the house tip is how I'm swingin' this
Strictly Hip-Hop boy, I ain't singin' this
Bringing this to the entire nation
Black, white, red, brown
Feel the vibration
Unity, that's what this movie's all about.

Must Love Dogs: Must...hang...oneself.

Novemeber: No Stoopid, this is December. Don't you see Festivus is just around the corner! Courtney Cox dodges the Monica and plays Sophie, a photographer whose lover is killed during a robbery. The rest, I will let Michelle Piekarus from imdb.com summarize: But as she struggles to get over the murder, Sophie's life begins to change, leaving her clueless as to what's coming. But worst of all, the line between reality and fantasy is beginning to shatter. ....uh, what?

Serenity: Oh man, people realllllly love this show. (I quietly scoff and ooze when nobody's looking). Well, where the show Firefly left off, Serenity picks up. Sci-fi buffs and nerds alike lined up and around the corner to fill the pockets of Josh Whedon and get their galatic hits fulfilled. I still say that Dawson's Creek is waaaayyy better, but you don't see a freakin movie being made. But that might because Tom doesn't let Katie out after dark.

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New Staff Recs!!

Meg: Dental Days: Not that she's the toothless devil, but coincidently, her picks are about teeth, lack of, and those who extract. Nervous about seeing your dentist? Watch one of these and your blood pressure will shoot straight up!
Andy: These movies are upside down: Literally. He's gone off the deep end. Lord help us.
Paul: Axes of Evil: Ha! not just a clever pun, but a collection of those old battle axes. No! not your wife, but rather real axes used as the weapon of choice in these thrillers. Hhhheeeerrrrreeeeee'''''ssssss Johnny!

Please have warm and friendly christmas, don't get caught up in all that capitalist bargains, but do meet with friends, family and loved ones. And remember everybody loves a dvd! Best wishes and be merry.

www.vidtheque.com

Monday, December 5, 2005

12:06 (closer & closer)

Sup y'all,

well, here we are dreading those visits once again from those unwanted in-laws. But have no worries! The egg-nog will prove to be your rescue... even from this bitter cold. A chilly air brings out the worst looks in people. Who knew in California that scarfs and earmuffs were fashion no-nos? Welps, nevertheless, the angst and freeze be kicking in, so let's count out our benjamins and bring this economy up to fight terrorism.

bah-humbug!

Cinderella Man: What a pansy.

Dukes of Hazzard: Now that the news finally broke about Jessica and that wimp's divorce, looks like Mark's ready to get his game on. Only lord knows how long he's been waiting for Nick. Anyways, I theorize that when that wallet gets lighter and lighter, those shorts will get looser and looser. Hmm, any which way you can I guess.

Fantastic Four: One day, and I'm absolutely not kidding, but I was walking through my friend's neighborhood, this kid was completely kicking another kid's ass with those Thing gloves. So every hit he landed, all I heard was "It's cloberrin' time!" It was the funniest shite I've ever seen.

Nine Songs: Bad Boy Winterbottom comes back with this, ahem, er, love story. Featuring the ups and downs of a young relationship and how they relate to the lucrative concert scenes. yup, you heard me. Featuring BRMC, Super Furries, and Franz. Oh yeah, and those little sex scenes.

Ninth Day: Hhhuhhhh, his name is Schlondorff.

Puddle Cruiser: The Broken Lizard gang is back and I have no idea what the hell they are doing! But who cares about me. This originally was made in 1996, but now to increasing popularity the lizards are aiming to capitalize! Help em out!
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Do you know it's christmas time?
If you didn't, the movies in our kick-ass Christmas section will surely clue you in. Try on the classics, Christmas Carol and Lethal Weapon or even Die Hard! Sorry, no Hannukah, Kwanza, Festivus, or XXXmas.

keep warm!!

www.vidtheque.com