Saturday, February 13, 2010

New Releases for Feb. 9th, or Happy Presidents Day!

It's the year 2010 and people still haven't realized that all the major corporations have got you by the cajones over Valentine's Day. Life really is a bad sitcom sometimes. It's a day that forces you to materialize your love though crappy stuffed animals made from cheaply paid Chinese children or buy a box of mediocre chocolates. I always prefer to express my love physically (hugging and kissing of course, you perverts!) rather than via commercial means. I would like to express how this day makes me feel, but any swearing or slurs will probably be removed, so I'll just say that you should rent "The Time Travler's Wife" as it expresses love like no other film I've ever seen before!

NEW RELEASES:

Bronson: This film draws the comparison that a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell with batons can be comparable to other facets of performance art. I think performance art is a crock to begin with, but you do get to see a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell. You make the call if you can chew through this.

A Serious Man: Ever thought, "Man! I just can't get enough of these Jewish stereotypes! I need more! More! MORE!"? Then this film is going to be that bright ray of semetic sunshine on your cloudy day. I'm happy, actually too happy, as I need films that are this dark and grim in order to balace my personality out. Somewhere in this film is a comedy, but I can't seem to find it.

Schoolgirl Report #6: Does anyone have a connection to get a job writing the synopsises on the back of DVD cases? For this, I would write "This annual's Schoolgirl Report, the teacher gave these girls an F for being "Fine Ladies" and an "0" for conduct 'cause they're baaaaad girls." I'm a marketing genius, huh?

OTHER NEW RELEASES AND NEW INVENTORY:

7 Lucky Ninja Kids (Children performing all their own very dangerous stunts! Call child services!)
Bushido: The Cruel Code of the Samurai (Samurai are always good)
Bus Stop (Marilyn Monroe)
The Charley Chase Collection
Hanover Street (Harrison Ford)
Killer Drag Queens on Dope (Best title ever for a film. Will it live to up its promise?)
King Lear (Dir. Peter Brook and starring Orson Welles)
Onimasa: The Japanese Godfather (Dir. Hideo Gosha and starring Tatsuya Nakadai)
Robin and Marian (Sean Connery and Audrey Hepburn star in a Robin Hood film)
Stairway to Heaven (Weepy K-Drama)
Stars in My Crown (Dir. Jacques Tournear and starring Joel McCrea and Dean Stockwell)
The Stepfather (the new one)
The Time Travler's Wife

THIS WEEK'S RECOMMENDATION:

Gremlins 2: The New Batch: Why am I recommending this? Because it's Gremlins 2 and I don't need a better reason!

THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK:


Just checking up on you guys and stuff!
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MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't let little things snowball and get to you. You're too good of a person for that.

Submitted by Sven Hofbauer, editing by Pierrot le Faux

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

New Releases for Feb. 02, 2010 or Here I Am.

This week, I was offered a job blogging for a major corporation. Basically, I would've been doing what I've been doing here for the last year (waxing about new films with an occasional snide aside) except the salary was about five times what I make now. Sure, I could've done it, but I love Videotheque and you too, too much.

NEW RELEASES:


Amelia:Feel bad that you didn't see Amelia in the theater and help to contribute to it's major box office loss? Come and rent it and atone for your sins! It's The Aviator on estrogen!

Bright Star: Do you ever think, "Hey! My life isn't miserable enough! I need to be more depressed than ever!", then Bright Star is for you! Based on the very bleak like of John Keats and directed by New Zealand auteur Jane Campion, it deals with Mr. Keats' troubles in the world of romance and in the art of poetry.

Love Happens: I refuse to watch films whose titles tell complete lies.

New York, I Love You: Now they're pushing it. Okay, I understood "Paris Je T'aime". You know, Paris being synonymous with with love and what not, but I never could put love together with New York. When I think New York, I think of pushy jerks on the streets and neurotic, stuttering, over-intellectualized Jewish men. This film seems to have none of that. MILLION DOLLAR IDEA! Make a "Los Angeles, I Love You"!

Outrage: It should be common knowledge now, but there are closeted homosexuals everywhere. Yes. Even among the alpha-males of Capitol Hill. Kirby Dick forces the metaphorical closet open and exposes secret lives, & media double standards.

This Is It: Sony needs to capitalize on the death of Michael Jackson, right? What better way than to compile footage that was probably going to be the extra feature on a DVD and put it in theaters! See Wacko Jacko act as lively as he will ever get. This movie is going to be off the hook as it's rated PG for "suggestive choreography". Yeeeeeaaahhh!

Whip It: Physics would dictate that Ellen Page's petite frame and height of 5' 1'' would preclude her from causing physical damage to an other being, but through the magic of cinema and Drew Barrymore, science is ignored as Ellen Page is hot stuff in the world of roller derby. A hobo in Hollywood once related to my female cohort a sexist comment in describing a girl on roller blades as "a meal on wheels", so if you relish skimpily clad versions of same, then I suggest it. Also! Would make a good double feature with Robert Aldrich's female wrestling pic, "...All the Marbles" (find it on our recommended Warner Archive shelf!).

OTHER NEW RELEASES AND NEW INVENTORY:

As It is in Heaven (Sweden)
Cafe Setareh (Iran)
China Doll
Cold Souls (Paul Giamatti)
Country's Greatest Stars Volumes I & II (Dolly P, Crystal G, Glen C, Tammy W & more!)
Cowboy (Jack Lemmon in a western!)
Fela Kuti/Music is the Weapon
The FBI Story (James Stewart)
Gamer
Ghulam (Bollywood)
Hellboy 2 (Blu-Ray)
The House of the Devil (Indie horror film)
Kings of the Ring (Boxing documentary)
Like Stars on Earth
Little Ashes
My Fuhrer (Comedy that laughs at Hitler! Makes a great double feature with Downfall!)
Ong Bak 2: The Beginning
Sarfarosh
Saviour of the Soul
Saw VI (Never ending torture-porn series!)
Soul Power (Zaire '74 documentary)
Spin & Marty (Disney Classic TV)
The Stepfather (The '87 original!)
St. Trinians (Russell Brand..)
Surrogates (Blu-Ray)
The United States of Tara S.1 (Created by Queen of Quirk, Diablo Cody)
The Vanished Empire (Russia)
Welcome to Collinwood
Whip It (Blu-Ray)
Wholphin N.10
The Yellow Rolls-Royce
Zombieland
Zombieland (Blu-Ray)

BLOG PICK O' DA WEEK: Roberto Rossellini's War Trilogy: When Inglourious Basterds came out, people were confused about my ambivalence toward the film. My big problem was that it makes a mockery of a war that caused the death of about 60,000,000 people. Maybe I'm a stick in the mud, I just don't find much funny about it. Guess I'm just a prude happy enough with my pre-60's black & white talkies. Take these three: Rome Open City, Paisan, & Germany Year Zero-- essential viewing for those who dare don the cinephile cap. Not only did this group of films create the neo-realist movement that would set the mark for new cinema for the next seventy years, they remain powerful representations of a how a war-torn world affects everyone. All three are available for the first time in almost perfect transfers with a ton of special features and fully uncut.

NOW GO!:

The blog is finished!
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MORAL OF THE WEEK:
War isn't fun. Try not to start one.

Submitted by Harold Carpi & Pierrot le Faux