It's the year 2010 and people still haven't realized that all the major corporations have got you by the cajones over Valentine's Day. Life really is a bad sitcom sometimes. It's a day that forces you to materialize your love though crappy stuffed animals made from cheaply paid Chinese children or buy a box of mediocre chocolates. I always prefer to express my love physically (hugging and kissing of course, you perverts!) rather than via commercial means. I would like to express how this day makes me feel, but any swearing or slurs will probably be removed, so I'll just say that you should rent "The Time Travler's Wife" as it expresses love like no other film I've ever seen before!
Bronson: This film draws the comparison that a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell with batons can be comparable to other facets of performance art. I think performance art is a crock to begin with, but you do get to see a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell. You make the call if you can chew through this.
A Serious Man: Ever thought, "Man! I just can't get enough of these Jewish stereotypes! I need more! More! MORE!"? Then this film is going to be that bright ray of semetic sunshine on your cloudy day. I'm happy, actually too happy, as I need films that are this dark and grim in order to balace my personality out. Somewhere in this film is a comedy, but I can't seem to find it.
Schoolgirl Report #6: Does anyone have a connection to get a job writing the synopsises on the back of DVD cases? For this, I would write "This annual's Schoolgirl Report, the teacher gave these girls an F for being "Fine Ladies" and an "0" for conduct 'cause they're baaaaad girls." I'm a marketing genius, huh?
OTHER NEW RELEASES AND NEW INVENTORY:
7 Lucky Ninja Kids (Children performing all their own very dangerous stunts! Call child services!)
Bushido: The Cruel Code of the Samurai (Samurai are always good)
Bus Stop (Marilyn Monroe)
The Charley Chase Collection
Hanover Street (Harrison Ford)
Killer Drag Queens on Dope (Best title ever for a film. Will it live to up its promise?)
King Lear (Dir. Peter Brook and starring Orson Welles)
Onimasa: The Japanese Godfather (Dir. Hideo Gosha and starring Tatsuya Nakadai)
Robin and Marian (Sean Connery and Audrey Hepburn star in a Robin Hood film)
Stairway to Heaven (Weepy K-Drama)
Stars in My Crown (Dir. Jacques Tournear and starring Joel McCrea and Dean Stockwell)
The Stepfather (the new one)
The Time Travler's Wife
THIS WEEK'S RECOMMENDATION:
Gremlins 2: The New Batch: Why am I recommending this? Because it's Gremlins 2 and I don't need a better reason!
THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK:
Just checking up on you guys and stuff!
MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't let little things snowball and get to you. You're too good of a person for that.
Submitted by Sven Hofbauer, editing by Pierrot le Faux
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