New Releases for Feb. 9th, or Happy Presidents Day!

It's the year 2010 and people still haven't realized that all the major corporations have got you by the cajones over Valentine's Day. Life really is a bad sitcom sometimes. It's a day that forces you to materialize your love though crappy stuffed animals made from cheaply paid Chinese children or buy a box of mediocre chocolates. I always prefer to express my love physically (hugging and kissing of course, you perverts!) rather than via commercial means. I would like to express how this day makes me feel, but any swearing or slurs will probably be removed, so I'll just say that you should rent "The Time Travler's Wife" as it expresses love like no other film I've ever seen before!

NEW RELEASES:

Bronson: This film draws the comparison that a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell with batons can be comparable to other facets of performance art. I think performance art is a crock to begin with, but you do get to see a greased-up naked man with a nice moustache getting beaten to all hell. You make the call if you can chew through this.

A Serious Man: Ever thought, "Man! I just can't get enough of these Jewish stereotypes! I need more! More! MORE!"? Then this film is going to be that bright ray of semetic sunshine on your cloudy day. I'm happy, actually too happy, as I need films that are this dark and grim in order to balace my personality out. Somewhere in this film is a comedy, but I can't seem to find it.

Schoolgirl Report #6: Does anyone have a connection to get a job writing the synopsises on the back of DVD cases? For this, I would write "This annual's Schoolgirl Report, the teacher gave these girls an F for being "Fine Ladies" and an "0" for conduct 'cause they're baaaaad girls." I'm a marketing genius, huh?

OTHER NEW RELEASES AND NEW INVENTORY:

7 Lucky Ninja Kids (Children performing all their own very dangerous stunts! Call child services!)
Bushido: The Cruel Code of the Samurai (Samurai are always good)
Bus Stop (Marilyn Monroe)
The Charley Chase Collection
Hanover Street (Harrison Ford)
Killer Drag Queens on Dope (Best title ever for a film. Will it live to up its promise?)
King Lear (Dir. Peter Brook and starring Orson Welles)
Onimasa: The Japanese Godfather (Dir. Hideo Gosha and starring Tatsuya Nakadai)
Robin and Marian (Sean Connery and Audrey Hepburn star in a Robin Hood film)
Stairway to Heaven (Weepy K-Drama)
Stars in My Crown (Dir. Jacques Tournear and starring Joel McCrea and Dean Stockwell)
The Stepfather (the new one)
The Time Travler's Wife

THIS WEEK'S RECOMMENDATION:

Gremlins 2: The New Batch: Why am I recommending this? Because it's Gremlins 2 and I don't need a better reason!

THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK:

Just checking up on you guys and stuff!
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MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't let little things snowball and get to you. You're too good of a person for that.

Submitted by Sven Hofbauer, editing by Pierrot le Faux

10:12 or 21:01

hey folks We just cleaned the counters here at VT, so if you like things that smell like windex, come on by. Meanwhile, I'm standing around, all the while my feet are crumbling like feta cheese. Nothing too heavy this week (it's kinda slow in videoland), so let's ride a pepper and sprinkle some seasoning this week. un deux!

Bush's Brain: Oh man, the cover art on these things are getting worse by each release. You would think they could hire some young punk from Art Center, USC, or hell even Chaffee C.C. At least there would be something more interesting than that man's eerie smile and some pseudo-stencling. But maybe that's just the aesthetic they're going for... a sorta signifier for the smarts of good ol' Dubya. Ah, I bet they didn't want to fork out the 25 bucks. Anywho, the latest of the latest docs aimed at you damn undecided voters. Focuses not on Mr. Bush, but his love and brain in residence Karl Rove. By the way, one of the director's last name is SCHOOB. I'm so there.

The Day After Tomorrow: Would be Wednesday. I hate these play on words titles. They make me look up stupidly as I try to figure out excactly when the day after tomorrow would be. It's like how my girlfriend's cousin's nephew's mother's lover is related to Jake Gyllenhaal's maid. Anyways, I saw this at the drive-in (ha!) with my two lady friends (hoo!) and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. Well, half immensely. Anyways, this is perfect for a badass sound system, or a lazy night. You'll be so sucked in, you'd think it really snowed in NYC...oh wait. But be careful, the wolves might get you.

Raising Helen: Whatsherface is in this movie with that guy who married a big fat greek.. no, it wasn't like that, he had a big fat wedding! So, she and he play romantic interests in this movie, except he's a Priest Preacher that is a Principal (is that allowed anymore?) and she just inherited her sis's meddling kids. One word of advice: Adoption! Hell, tell that kid The Cat in the Hat stunk while you're at it.

Ren and Stimpy Uncut!! These lovable, disgusting, presumably gay(?) critters are finally available on DVD! Also included is a banned episode and more hair balls than you could ever want! Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Stateside: The tagline for this is "Love is a Battlefield..." When was the last time you heard a Pat Benetar reference (I dooo like that song). A Marine on leave falls in love with a musician except her mental defficiency might slow them down. It's A Woman Under the Influence for generation X, Y, & Z. Starrs Rachel Leigh Cook, Jonathon Tucker and Val Kilmer.

The Wire Season 1: The latest from HBO, a series about drugs, lies and corruption. If you've had good luck with all their other seri, I'm sure you won't strike out with this one. Betty Blue: The classic crazy woman and Zorg are back in a brand new Director's Cut of the film that was nominated for best foreign film way back in 87. About and hour's worth of extra footage packaged nicely between to sheet of plastic. Cyans make me blue.

lastly On Sunday Christopher Reeve died from a heart attack. Of course known as Superman, and equally by his physical impairment, he spent his later years in life fighting to find a cure for spinal injuries. He was 52.

thanks folks. Next week i'll bring more love and silliness. adieu.