New Releases for May 29th or I Think I'm an Angry Guy.

I like movies. In fact, I'd dare say, I love 'em. Problem is with new movies, we tend to get 3-5 crummy ones coming down the pike. Here, I submit to you, my top five peeves:

- (WO)MANCHILDREN: I don't know "what the deal is with these movies" (said in Jerry Seinfeld stand-up mode), but so many have characters who refuse to grow up, act their age, or take responsibility in life. It's pervasive across the board-- drama, comedy, and indie films alike. Are we really all stuck in this perrenial adolescent period or is it just that these movies will predictably rake in the dough? You rarely see movies with real men and women with REAL problems to move the drama.

- SELF EVIDENT QUIRKINESS: These wear me down. The ones where people all have the same anti-social quirk (a popular addendum to this is the inclusion of endless noir style references). Can we not develop films without these traits?

- LAME ACTION FILMS: All a good action movie needs is a villain you love to hate, a tough guy and a big gun. Nowadays it's non-stop explosions, quick cuts and Nicholas Cage. Seriously, this doesn't seem the hardest genre to mangle, yet is done all too frequently. Memo to Hollywood: quit with the PG-13 action. When people get shot, they bleed, not shake their arms like crazy and fall to the floor.

- KIDS MOVIES THAT HAVE SOMETHING TO TEACH YOU: When I was a kid, I despaired none more than during didactic cartoons with a moral to unload. You're a kid for so short of a period, why to waste away in front of such dross? Rarely now is there good fantasy, violence, or humor in kids' pics. Instead, we face the barrage of superfluous tongue in cheek jokes for adults who can't stay awake next to the kid otherwise.

- MOVIES WITH A TWIST AT THE END: There are some directors who can pull this off (Hitchcock) and those who cannot (most everyone else). The "twist" is all too often a gimmic to try to save an already sub-standard story. Let's put it to rest.

I'm sure there are many more things that furrow my brow, but these take the cake. Take them as you will, just promise not to lynch me for my comments!

NEW RELEASES:

24 S7: Ever noticed that he Kiefer Sutherland says "Where's the bomb?" a lot? Aside from that, I haven't seen these show in a couple of seasons, but I remember it being pretty awesome. It has Kiefer Sutherland. It has to be good.

Beyond Rangoon: New to DVD is John Boorman's 1995 film starring Patricia Arquette stuck in Thailand during a bad time. I'm not sure what time it is though. I'm a product of the American public education system and as such, I know nothing about other cultures and countries. Then again, I know nothing about culture and country. Shame, shame, shame on me.

K*ke Like Me: Oye! Vay! Celebrate my people's legacy with a documentary about what it takes to be Jewish. It's about time someone has the chutzpah to make a movie like this. Hopefully, it talks about all my favorite stereotypes! Shalom!

New In Town: Watch Renee Zellweger scrunch her face over and over again in this new romantic comedy where she plays a hot shot moving from Miami to Minnesota. See how the snowy fields of Minnesota melt her frozen heart as she falls in love with the Hunkasaurus Rex; Harry Connick, Jr.

The Princess of Nebraska/A Thousand Years of Good Prayers: Wayne Wang, off the success of "Because of Winn-Dixie" and some Queen Latifah movie, has gone back to making intimate lower budget features with things like "emotion" and "social commentary". Both films are about the Chinese-American experience in a post-Mao world. I actually didn't know about these until the moment I was writing this blog. I wish I knew. I would've seen these.

The Sky Crawlers: Japanese animator Mamoru Oshii desecrates the history of the world with his new anime about an alternate universe where people still resort to dogfights in the sky instead of solving their problems with biological, nuclear, thermal, and anti-matter weapons. I'm sure there's a love story involved somewhere too. Rent it and tell me when you get the chance.

Zabriskie Point: Hate Capitalism? I sure don't. Well, I can't. I don't have the time and have bills and what not so I depend on your dollars to live. Well, if you really, really hate it you should rent "Zabriskie Point" to stick it to the man. Then again, if you rent it, you pay for it, which makes you a healthy clog in the Capitalist machine. Damn, this is confusing. Also, this edition is missing the Pink Floyd reprise after the famous explosion(s). Instead, we get Roy Orbison singing about Zabriskie Point in his falsetto.

OTHER NEW RELEASES:

4 for Texas
Century of the Self
Fanboys
Four Eyed Monsters
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Blu)
Hooper
I'm Alan Partridge/Series 2
Inside Moves
Jingle All the Way
M. Butterfly
The Morning After
Nenett + Boni
Poitson Friends
Windhorses

ARRIVEDERCI!:

Sayonara.

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:

Be careful of wearing shirts. Today, I went into Trader Joe's, and the sleeve caught onto a six pack of Heineken and I pulled it straight to the floor. Foam flooded the floor as green glass spread throughout the front. All I wanted was a salad, and instead wasted six perfectly fine beers. And it's hot too. Someone could've used those beers in this weather.

I'm a PC.

New Releases for May 19th, or Breakin' Da Law!

I'm currently writing this blog while out on the lam. I don't work at Videotheque. I never did. It's all a front on my part. Videotheque is a real business, but I just do their blog on the side for a couple of rentals a week. In reality, I'm a wheeler, a dealer, and all around no good stealer.

Now the fuzz is on my tail. Just gotta give them a couple of shakes and they're off. Earlier today, I went inside a McDonald's to shave in their restroom when out from the lobby came the five-o. Luckily, I avoided the situation by asking him a paradox. I simply said that if their motto is to protect and serve, why won't he serve and protect me. He began to rest his chin between his index finger and thumb and said "I don't know". He stood there pondering for what must've been five minutes. At the sixth minute, I just beat it and ordered some McNuggets.

Hopefully next week I'm back. Luckily, there are no cops near my trailer in the Nevada desert, so I'll chill here for about a week and return.

NEW RELEASES:

DETECTIVE BUREAU 2-3 (GO TO HELL BASTARDS!)/3 SECONDS BEFORE EXPLOSION: Two classic Nikkatsu films are finally abalible in the west for the first time. Also, Detective Bureau 2-3 (Go to Hell Bastards!) may go down in history as the greatest movie title in the history of ever.

THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE: Remember when all you needed for a movie was a good story, good acting, and some good dialougue? Nah? I don't remember either! Apparently though, this movie has all three. Sounds like a triple threat starring Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle as scumbags! Neat-o!

MAN HUNT: When you really hate someone, you'll go to extremes to stop them. In this case, someone hated Hitler so much that they wanted him dead. Sounds like fun! Directed by German expatriate Fritz Lang in Hollywood, CA.

PIGS, PIMPS, AND BATTLESHIPS (THREE FILMS BY IMAMURA): Three of my favorite things in these three classics by director Imamura. Would make a great double feature with the two Nikkatsu action films. They were mostly made to follow up A-pictures like the ones Imamura would do (plus you would pay for two rentals. A portion of the proceeds go to feed my children.)

PAUL BLART: MALL COP: Two mall cop movies in one year, huh? Frist this, then "Observe and Report". I think it's good to say that now it's better than ever to capitalize on the mall cop craze. I have a feeling mall cops are the next vampires.

RUSSELL BRAND IN NEW YORK CITY: They keep labeling this guy as controversial on the cover. Trust me. This guy isn't really controversial. Hitler is controversial. Pol Pot was controversial. This guy tells jokes. I'm sure he's funny, but I have a feeling he ain't that controversial.

TRUE BLOOD S.1: I'm done. I can't stand it! No more vampires! And this is only season one. That means they'll be more. What kind of sins have I commited to do such a thing as get more vampire media!

VALKYRIE: A movie where people try to assassinate Hitler? Where have I heard about a film like this? Tom Cruise also sports an eyepatch because his doctor said he has a lazy eye. Seems fun.

MORE NEW RELEASES:

Arctive Monkeys at the Apollo
The Beatles Live
Blind Husbands/The Great Garbo
Cafe Society
Columbo S.1
The Dark Half
The Duchess of Langeais
Good Burger
H2 Worker
Honor Among Thieves
In Search of a Midnight Kiss
Live and Become
Munyurangabo
Neil Young at Sugar Mountain
Of Time and the City
Plague Town
S.Darko
Spies Like Us
There's Only One Jimmy Grimble
Wholpin No.8

UNTIL NEXT WEEK:

Just remember that if you need a shoulder to cry on, Videotheque will be there for you.

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
If you are being robbed while at a bank, don't try to be a hero. I saw someone try it in a movie once and they got shot. Unless you really have a death wish, please don't do it.

New Releases for May 12th, or Forgive Me...

This blog never existed. Ignore this post.

NEW RELEASES:

LYING: Naw, this isn't coming out. I was just Lying! (Actually it is. Please rent it. My children depend on your money)

PASSENGERS: The long awaited awaited sequel to Antonioni's "The Passenger" finally arrives courtesy of Anne Hathaway! Joy!

TAKEN: I've taken a liking to this film. I love seeing Kinsey shoot people. When he's isn't solving problems in the bedroom, he's solving problems with a 9mm, which is inherently a phallic symbol.

UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS: I'm getting sick and tired of vampires. If we get one more vampire movie, I'll... I'll... I'll... get pissy about it.

WISE BLOOD: *steps onto car hood* Here at the Church of Videotheque, we don't believe in any hibby-jibby and voo-doo like mail order rentals or getting the edited version of a film. We just get what you need at a resonible price. *steps off hood* That's how the main character talks in this strange film about the south and their wacky religious beliefs. Directed by the famous John Huston (who has a small role in it himself).

OTHER NEW RELEASES:

American Scary
Black Swan
The Brave One (55)
Ctuhulhu
Days of Darkness
Gavin & Stacey
It's a Free World...
Just Another Love Story
On The Other Hand, Death
Passengers
Splinter
Stranded
Taken (Blu)
Taking Chance
Three Musketeers of the West
Train Man
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Blu)
The Universe of Keith Harring
A Walk on the Moon

ALL THINGS MUST PASS:

That was the title song of George Harrison's debut album. It was originally written for Abbey Road and Let It Be, but I suppose the song was too wise and too honest for the rest of The Beatles. But he's right. All things do pass. Our employee, France Gall, has finally hit the ol' rickety road. She's moved on to better stuff. Okay, not really. She's actually avoiding the feds after trying to avoid paying taxes from the moment she turned eighteen. Videotheque and myself wish her nothing but the best on her continuing journey of life. Bon voyage!

THE REPLACEMENT:

So with France Gall a thing the past and only a lingering memory, we have to fill her spot quickly. We now have a new member of our Videotheque family, Ronald (or RV). We open our arms and gladly embrace his entry in the the world of Videotheque and into the hearts of customers. We wish you the best!

AIDS BENEFIT:

Our very own Grace will be having a small raffle/lunch benefit for the fight against AIDS on May 23 at:

Throop Church
300 S. Los Robles Ave
Pasadena, CA 91101

Do you like nachos, drinks, hot dogs and the possibility of winning free stuff? Then drop in by with a donation of five dollars and have yourself a good time while helping the fight against AIDS. Trust us; you'll feel good about it!

REC SECTS:

First, our employee picks:
MARK W'S "MIXTAPE FOR YOUR MISSUS": Mark likes music. Music makes Mark merry. He also noticed that the ladies love music. He's watching out for you, the reader and customer. Get your missus in the mood with the soothing melodies of Serge Gainsbourg, Antonio Carlos Jobin, and ABBA. And when this stuff helps your relationship, you can come in and say thanks.

R.V.'S "HUNGRY": Until he finally got hired here, R.V. has been living off of rations and whatever type of bread he can find in the dumpster behind Costco. But now, he's a member of the work force again. Do celebrate his ability to once again feed himself, he's made his first section devoted to the find art of grubbing down. Some of the juicy and spicy meatballs you'll find here include "The Hunger", "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", and "Cannibal Holocoust". Nummy, nummy, num-num!

Now, our misc sections:
CANNES YOU DIG IT?: It's that time of the year already. Cannes Film Festival is rolling in again later this week so big-time hot shots can buy the films distribution and bring it here. In celebration, we've put up a small section devoted to all the winners of Cannes past. Here you can find your fix of all sorts of classy movies including "A Man and a Woman", "Missing", "Marty", "Rosetta", and "Kagemusha".

DOM DELUISE: Nothing broke my heart more this week than to hear than Pizza the Hut had died this week. Relive all those funny moments by renting "Cannonball Run", "Smokey and the Bandit II", "History of the World: Part 1", and "Fail Safe". Wait... "Fail Safe" isn't funny...

SEE YA LATER!:

I love you all.

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't post on the anything on the internet. It'll come back and bite you in the ol' tookus! *cough* http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2009/04/myspace-diatrib/ *cough*
The heat's getting to us.

New Releases for May 5th, or Watch Out! Swine Flu!

April 26th, 2009
Dear blog,

I hope all is well. So recently I've been noticing a girl who works at a book store in Pasadena. She so cute. She seems to have an interest in Rimbaud, Bukowski, and western philosophy. To sum it up: my kinda girl. She has what I call "specs-appeal". The glasses she wears kills me, but in a good way, like how if I eat something spicy it kills me. It's just extra frosting on the proverbial cake. She was nice enough to talk to me and give me her name. It was Judy. Judy is a cute name. Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy. Judy. I'm going to rip a page out of the book I bought just so I can say it was defective and get a change to talk to her again. Oh Judy!

April 27th, 2009

You won't belive it blog! I went there and went into a robotic trance. My eyes were only focused on finding Judy. When I found her, I did something I never did; I played it smooth! I corrected my posture, got the dandruff out of my hair, and was making joke and witty observation left and right. And then BOOM! Just like that I asked her out. There was a brief pause. Those three seconds felt like an eternity. I felt the sweat drip off my back and onto my butt. The right side of my left brow had an itch that I just refused to scratch. I was expecting to get maced or stabbed or slapped or kicked in the nads any second. She gave me her very cute honest smile and said yes. She said yes! SHE SAID YES! I was as giddy as a schoolgirl but didn't act like that of course. I just continued to play it cool. I said at meet her in the evening of the 29th. She gave me her phone number and address and I just went and hit the rickety-road.

April 28th, 2009

Today was my day off from work. I went to the laundry and did some minor grovery shopping. Nothing big today. Two weird things I noticed today. First, when I went on the train, there were signs telling me how they are using a new cleaning technique to prevent the spread of disease. Second, I noticed people were reading newspapers that all had headlines with the word "SWINE" on it. I'm a busy man and don't have the time to read the rest of the headling, but that word just sticked out like a pig in a chicken coop. I just ignored it, went home, and saw some re-runs of Mama's Family.

April 29th, 2009

Today was the day. I get put on my cleanest clothes and went to meet Judy. Everything started off okay. We went mini-golfing, got some burgers, and just went cruising around the San Gabriel Valley. I pulled over to Inspiration Point to see how far I can take this date. When the car stopped, I open a bottle of wine I stole from work and poured it into the paper cups we were drinking our Coca-Cola's in. The middle of her second glass, she started coughing profusely. After the third she said she wasn't feeling so good to which I replied "I got just the medicine for you". I went in for the kiss. I kissed her, but her lips sort just stayed still. I felt that her forehead was pretty hot. Still in the "being cool" aura, I said "Am I making you hot?" She then begged to go home, but said it wasn't my fault. Phew! I thought I screwed up big time. She said she felt "flu-lie symptoms" and that she'd like to go home. She apologized and told me to call her tomorrow. We said our good-byes and went our seperate ways. What a night...

April 30th, 2009

I called her around 3:02. Someone told me once that if I called at an exact minute, that it was weird. When I called I got her roommate on the line. The roommate was yelling that the government had checked her temperature and said she had the "swine flu". She said to hurry and help. I went to her house and saw some G-man standing guard. I started asking him what happened. He refused to answer my questions. When I explained to him that something fishy is going on and how she got sick last night he asked if I had any contact with her. I answered that all I got to do was kiss her. As soon as I said that, a group of men in white suits surrounded me, removed my clothes and put me into a van. The van drove off for what must've felt like hours. When it stopped, they gave me a white jumpsuit and the put into a detainment center for people with the "swine flu". I told them that I felt fine but they didn't care. To pass the time, I just replayed episodes of "Seinfeld" in my head. And I thought last night was bad...

April 31st, 2009

I've been looking around this center looking for Judy. No luck. All I found were a bunch of sick people. Speaking of being sick, I'm feeling a bit feverish myself right about now. It's strange that I'm feeling these "flu-like symptoms" as well. I'm going to cut this entry early and get some rest.

May 1st, 2009

I'm not feeling good at all. I started craving a double-cheese burger all of the sudden. Then when the concept of of actually eating the burger hit me, I felt like throwing up. I'm sure I would've thrown up, but my stomach was empty. Then I felt hungry all over again, and then felt again. It's a vicious cycle I tell you. Geez, I'm starting to feel worse by the minute...

May 2nd, 2009

Blog... Please send help... I'm so hungry... Need a cheese-burgerrrrr...

NEW RELEASES:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: I like David Fincher. I really, really do. Seven is awesome. Fight Club is awesome. Zodiac was the best movie of 2007. Then he follows up a film as great as Zodiac with this. Let it be known that I have not seen this film, but I plan to. I have the best hopes that this film isn't as bad as the cover makes me think it is. If it made it to the Criterion Collection, it has to have some amount of worth. Stay tuned for updates on my feelings of this film.

Last Chance Harvey: The star of "Straw Dogs" shows you that he's still capable of love. He's now in London falling in love with Miss Emma Thompson. Normally, I'd say something bad about this movie or bash the concept of "love", but I've now come to peace with myself and have now accepted that love is a normal human emotion.

Look: LOOK! It's a movie that works on one gimmick! Every single shot is shot via surveillance camera! This would be cool if it wasn't for the fact everything is staged. Remember those shows they use to have on Fox in the mid-nineties where they would show you the best footage ever shot with a surveillance camera? I just remember it would show you the horrors of what goes on behind the scenes of your local super market's meat section or footage of people peeing in the office coffee pot. If this movie was that, I'd watch it.

Wendy and Lucy: My god! Dog movies have finally penetrated the art film world! Is nothing sacred no more?

OTHER NEW RELEASES:

The Burrowers
Charles Mingus Epitaph
Concret Revolution
The Electric Horseman
Enchanted April
Evil Dead II (Blu)
Gary Numan
Glam Rock
The Greatest Show on Earth
Halloween (Blu)
I.O.U.S.A.
JCVD (Blu)
Kung Fu Mahjong
Little Dorrit
The Mary Tyler Moore Show S.2
The Mighty Boosh S.2
The Mighty Boosh S.3
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Blu)
Oz S.4
Peter Bear: Scrapbook From Africa and Beyond
Pride and Prejudice (Blu)
Raquel
Roman De Gare
Roxy Music: The Highroad
The Shaggy Dog
Sixty Six
Strange Story of Joe Meek
Suburban Mayhem
This is Tom Jones
Trival
Weeds S.1 (Blu)
Wild China

ADIOS:

Thanks for reading!

www.vidtheque.comI'm sure if I were an artist, I'm sure I could come up with some pseudo-intellectual meaning behind this photo. I just think it's neat.

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
While doing research on the Swine Flu, I discovered that Jimmy Buffett is now a novelist. He wrote a novel called "Swine Not?". I think the moral is, if you're Jimmy Buffett, don't write a book.