I'm currently writing this blog while out on the lam. I don't work at Videotheque. I never did. It's all a front on my part. Videotheque is a real business, but I just do their blog on the side for a couple of rentals a week. In reality, I'm a wheeler, a dealer, and all around no good stealer.
Now the fuzz is on my tail. Just gotta give them a couple of shakes and they're off. Earlier today, I went inside a McDonald's to shave in their restroom when out from the lobby came the five-o. Luckily, I avoided the situation by asking him a paradox. I simply said that if their motto is to protect and serve, why won't he serve and protect me. He began to rest his chin between his index finger and thumb and said "I don't know". He stood there pondering for what must've been five minutes. At the sixth minute, I just beat it and ordered some McNuggets.
Hopefully next week I'm back. Luckily, there are no cops near my trailer in the Nevada desert, so I'll chill here for about a week and return.
DETECTIVE BUREAU 2-3 (GO TO HELL BASTARDS!)/3 SECONDS BEFORE EXPLOSION: Two classic Nikkatsu films are finally abalible in the west for the first time. Also, Detective Bureau 2-3 (Go to Hell Bastards!) may go down in history as the greatest movie title in the history of ever.
THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE: Remember when all you needed for a movie was a good story, good acting, and some good dialougue? Nah? I don't remember either! Apparently though, this movie has all three. Sounds like a triple threat starring Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle as scumbags! Neat-o!
MAN HUNT: When you really hate someone, you'll go to extremes to stop them. In this case, someone hated Hitler so much that they wanted him dead. Sounds like fun! Directed by German expatriate Fritz Lang in Hollywood, CA.
PIGS, PIMPS, AND BATTLESHIPS (THREE FILMS BY IMAMURA): Three of my favorite things in these three classics by director Imamura. Would make a great double feature with the two Nikkatsu action films. They were mostly made to follow up A-pictures like the ones Imamura would do (plus you would pay for two rentals. A portion of the proceeds go to feed my children.)
PAUL BLART: MALL COP: Two mall cop movies in one year, huh? Frist this, then "Observe and Report". I think it's good to say that now it's better than ever to capitalize on the mall cop craze. I have a feeling mall cops are the next vampires.
RUSSELL BRAND IN NEW YORK CITY: They keep labeling this guy as controversial on the cover. Trust me. This guy isn't really controversial. Hitler is controversial. Pol Pot was controversial. This guy tells jokes. I'm sure he's funny, but I have a feeling he ain't that controversial.
TRUE BLOOD S.1: I'm done. I can't stand it! No more vampires! And this is only season one. That means they'll be more. What kind of sins have I commited to do such a thing as get more vampire media!
VALKYRIE: A movie where people try to assassinate Hitler? Where have I heard about a film like this? Tom Cruise also sports an eyepatch because his doctor said he has a lazy eye. Seems fun.
MORE NEW RELEASES:
Arctive Monkeys at the Apollo
The Beatles Live
Blind Husbands/The Great Garbo
The Dark Half
The Duchess of Langeais
Honor Among Thieves
In Search of a Midnight Kiss
Live and Become
Neil Young at Sugar Mountain
Of Time and the City
Spies Like Us
There's Only One Jimmy Grimble
UNTIL NEXT WEEK:
Just remember that if you need a shoulder to cry on, Videotheque will be there for you.
MORAL OF THE WEEK:
If you are being robbed while at a bank, don't try to be a hero. I saw someone try it in a movie once and they got shot. Unless you really have a death wish, please don't do it.
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