New Releases for April 7th, 2009 or My God! What Have I Done!?

Dear Blog,

How are you doing?...Uh huh... Yeah...? That's good to hear! My week has been weird, too! I'm having so many problems at school. I remember when I use wear the same clothes everyday, the kids would call me stinky. Now that I change my underwear and shirts everyday, they call me a "poseur". They say "You're just trying to be like the cool kids, cuz all the cool kids wear clean clothes". They even have a club called "The Clean Clothes Kidz Klub" or CCKK for short. I tried signing up and the teacher in charge just spit on my face. I can't believe Uncle Barry would do that to me!

And to top all that off, the Sadie Hopkins dance is coming up. I tried asking the guy who works at Videotheque out, but he said something about "statutory drapes" or something like that. I've been deciding between either Jimmy Howorth or David Chu. Jimmy is so cute when I see him playing his Nintendo DS behind the bungalows to avoid getting whaled on. And David, he's just as cute when I see him alphabetizing his Magic the Gathering cards in Spanish 1A.

Oh, blog, what do I do! WHAT DO I DO!?
Sincerly,
Girl

ROVER'S LAST BARK: Part 1
by Videotheque

If I were a sociologist or a anthropologist or a paleontologist or a proctologist or some sort of ologist, I'm sure I could make a grip loud of cash by studying people's renting habits. I noticed there are a couple things people go nuts for those are film noirs, dogs, and documentaries about the oil crisis. I've decided to write a short story to capitalize on all of this. I hope you enjoy it. This is just part one. Stay turned for more! (If you are a rich and powerful film producer who would like to pay me money to make this a film, I won't turn it down)

My name is Rover, a Jack Terrier. I'm a detective. Well, I'm a part time detective. When my masters aren't busy walking me and picking up the mess I leave in the side walk, I solve crimes. I saw an episode of Columbo once in my pack leader's living room and thought "I could do this!". I use to solve all sorts of crimes. Bird murders, bones being stolen, or even the illicit cat burglarar. I've done it all.

The problem is I'm not as young as I use to be. I'm nine. I remember when I use to go to the nearest watering hole and make polite overtures to the pretty girls at the end of the bar, in hopes of escorting one home. Now, I'm lucky enough if I can control my bowels before I get off the sidewalk.

I haven't solved a case in at least six months. The last case I was sent on had a cat coming from behind behinds and busting my knees with a tire iron. Sounds more fun than it is. I had to walk around with a pair of wheels until last week. I was considering retiring until she stepped in.

She was the greatest Dane I've ever seen. Just seeing her got my proverbial juices flowing. She just walked into my dog house with out asking questions.

"May I came in?" she said with her voice shaking softly.
"Aren't ya already in here" I yapped.
"Yes, but-"
"-but forget it. Come in"

She sits down. "You're Rover, right", she asks.
"Yes'um", I calmly reply.
"The detective"
"Uh-huh"
"The detective that solves crimes"
"Yes, yes, yes. Get to the point!"
"I need to to find something out. I heard from a friend of a friend that you're good at finding things."
"Sheesh! Just ask me the question already!"
"Well, my masters gone missing."
"Huh. Does he have any enemies?"
"Just the entire Republican party."

Stay tuned for next week's continuation of our epic story!

NEW RELEASES FOR THIS WEEK:

Bedtime Stories: There is one thing I don't understand: Why would anyone allow Adam Sandler to get near their kids? Especially before they're going to bed, like they're doing in this film. The only one who's allowed to tuck in my five kids is either me or my life partner. Besides that, I might like this film because it has CGI hamsters. It's as though they read my mind and combined two of my favorite things.

The Day the Earth Stood Still: Keanu Reeves plays the part he was born to play; an alien! Also, if you haven't heard from NPR, our countless documentaries, the news, from your friends, from the National Geographic channel, and from Al Gore, apparently the world is facing environmental problems and Hollywood's solution is to film expensive movies where countless large vehicles carrying all the film equipment leave a carbon foot print the size of Marlon Brando. Dang, I zinged Marlon Brando despite his handicap of being dead.

Donkey Punch: So if you're one of these sensitive religious types, I'm going to assume you will not like this film. I've been told that when you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me", so we both lose there. Maybe you're religious but still like the act of donkey punching. I don't know, but that sort of thing just doesn't fly with me. This film is advertised as a "shocking thriller", so I hope the pay off is good when the donkey punch the villian to death!

Doubt: Again, if you're one of these sensitive religious types, I DOUBT the notion of God's servants allegedly acting in conduct unbecoming will fly with you either. Hahaha! HAHAHAAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Did you see that! Get it!? I said Doubt! That's the movie's title! Hahahaha! BOO YAH!

Tale of Despereaux: In an age where the illiteracy rate is ridiculous high, the children of America are given a film with a name most thiry year-olds can't pronounce. I'm sure if you're child watches this film, his I.Q. may increase a substantial amount causing their brains to over-develop and causing us to evolve into a more sophisticated breed of humans. But we don't want this do we?

Yes Man: I want to make a pun so badly. Something along the lines of "Yes Man? More like No Man! That movie looks bad!" or "Yes Man! Yes! Finally a film for the common Man!", but it's way too easy. Instead, I'll leave that up to Gene Shalit. Besides, I've already done a pun this week (see: Doubt). Instead, let me discuss Zooey Deschanel (Jim Carrey gets enough s***). Who is she and where did she come from? Who decided to put her opposite of Jim Carrey, a man who's eighteen years her senior? Geez, the over-privalaged got it easy! You know, I would let her slide if she was gorgeous or extremly talented, but she just looks like any girl you'd see working behind the register at the Gap. Believe me, this blogger is not very attractice by any means (though he wishes the opposite), but I just don't get it. Maybe I'm out of touch with the youth of America.

MO' MOVIES, MO' PROBLEMS:
1612
An American in Paris (Blu)
Angel
Babar/King of the Elephants
Bauhaus/Shadow of Light
Blue Gold
Celebrity Nude Review Vol.1
Cleopatra (De Mille)
Crude Impact
Doubt (Blu)
Gigi (Blu)
Heaven on Earth
Jewel Thief
Jihad in Love
Le Amiche
Le Pressentiment
Leonard Cohen/T.V. Collection
Mad Detective
Scott Walker Anthology
The Seven-Ups
The Smiths/Eirope 83 & 84
Tim Buckley/Starsailor is Coming
Timecrimes
Tokyo Gore Crimes
Tokyo Zombie

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

Maurice Jarre: In memory of his contributions to the pantheon of great cinematic scores, we've put up a little section for the late Maurice Jarre. Hopefully, you'll pick up a a copy of "Ryan's Daughter", "Eyes Without a Face", or even "Top Secret" and solemnly bow your head down in memory.

ADIOS! UNTIL NEXT WEEK:

www.vidtheque.com

THIS WEEK'S MORAL:
Despite what your friends may try to convince you to do at the beach, the ocean is not a toilet. And if you try to use it as a bidet, you'll just get sand in your crack.

New Releases for March 31st, 2009 or I'm Taking This Blog To Strange New Directions!

Last week I saw films
all the films were Japanese
it inspired me

I began to think
the haiku is powerful
I will make my own

Haiku: five seven
five morae is it's structure.
I hope you enjoy

ALL NEW RELEASES
COMING YOUR WAY THIS TUESDAY
COME IN AND RENT THEM:

Leonard Cohen/Live in London:
A devote buddhist
is no longer retired
this is his comeback

The Fugitive: Season Two, Vol. 2:
I know how it is
to hide and run from the law
amen to this show

Marley & Me:
Hachiko this ain't
Marley isn't the brightest
the end will say why

Rick Gervais/Out of England:
Rick out of England?
Who told him to come over?
Ha ha ha ha ha!

Seven Pounds:
Will Smith will always
be the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
license plate said fresh

Slumdog Millionaire:
Real big trouble in
Mumbai. Poor guy makes some dough
and gets his lady

Tell No One:
Despite the title
this movie tells everyone
to watch and rent it

WITH LIFE PASSING BY
THERE ARE NEW RELEASES
TOO MANY TO WRITE:
Austin Powers Trilogy (Blu-Ray)
Beat Beat Beat/The Small Faces
Biblomania
The Cake Eater
Coogan's Run
Danton
Far and Away
Fling
Il General Della Rovere
In The Electric Mist
The IT Crowd: The Complete Season One
Helen Hill: House of Sweet Magic
Jim Gaffigan: King Baby
Learn French With Victor
Learn Spanish With Victor
Major League Baseball Moments
Marked Woman
The Mary Tylor Moore Show S.1
The Pickwick Paper
The Pink Panther (64) (Blu-Ray)
Rick James/I'm Rick James
Simple Steps to a Greener Home

RECOMMENDATION
WE HAVE A SECTION FOR IT
HERE IS THE LATEST:

There's really no news.
France Gall had the gall to get
rid of her section

BROKEN WALLS, BROKEN
HEARTS CAN BOTH BE REPAIRED WITH
A BIT O' LOVIN':

The wood panels that
blocked the sun from entering
have all been removed

THIS HAS BEEN IT FOR
THIS WEEK. THANK YOU FOR MAKING
MY LIFE WORTH LIVING:

www.vidtheque.com

THE WIND HOWLS SOFTLY
INTO THE CURVES OF MY EAR
IT COO'S A MORAL:

Understand karma
is that lazy man's idea
of getting even

New Releases for March 24th, 2009 or Jeez Louise!

As part of my post-prison program, my therapist suggested I take up a sport or find a girlfriend. This resulted on this Craig's List ad:

Single Jewish Male Looking for Woman - 24

I'm not very good at describing myself. If I had to use three words to describe me it would be vulnerable, artistic, and angry. I'm a writer for a local video store's blog and collect rare bathrobes. My hobbies include watching movies and thinking about what movie I watch next.

When it comes to women I want to be romantically involved with, I'm not picky. My only conditions are:
- You can't be taller than me (5' 6'')
- You must maintain good hygene
- You must not be easily offended
- If you have an accent or are from a foreign country, it's a plus
- No albinos

If grabs your attention, e-mail me at (e-mail withheld for security reasons) and maybe we can set something up!

Unfortunately, no women thought I was interesting enough. The only person that responded turned out to be a spambot and believe me, you don't even want to hear about how my casual encounters ad went. So, I took my therapist's other suggestion and took up a sport.

I went back on Craig's List to recruit a team. I have now successfully created the first Ultimate Frisbee team for South Pasadena; the South Pasadena Sentinels!

We've made it all the way to the semi-finals. Next, we're going up against the Altadena Alley Cats. Stay tuned to this blog for results!

NEW RELEASES:

Big Stan: I think people give Rob Schneider a hard time. People automatically assume that they're better than to watch one of his movies, but that's pure arrogance. Try to admit to yourself that his Soon-Yi Previn imitation was not funny. If you're saying to yourself "No, it wasn't funny", you're lying to yourself. Give the guy a chance and rent his new film "Big Stan". If you still hate the guy afterwards, just know that he's far richer than yourself.

Bolt: I'm currently a physics major at CalTech, so let me use my math abilities to explain this film:

Talking Dog + Talking Cat / Hamster - John Travolta * Miley Cyrus = Confusion + Mild Entertainmet[Fart Joke]

Craig Ferguson: Wee Bit O' Revolution: I use to watch Drew Carey show where this guy was a regular. I remember being shocked when I discovered he has a very thick Scottish accent, as opposed to the English accent his character had on the show. I would watch this, but the whole accent thing bothers me. You should rent it for me!

Forbidden Hollywood Collection: Volume 3: I'm not sure why these films are forbidden, but I'm going to assume it's got plenty of men and ladies doing forbidden things. If you're into that sort of stuff, I would check it out. Me, I'm a hardcore Calvinist. This could, as a result of viewing, prevent from entering Heaven, thus, I shan't be watching this!

In Treatment: So they made a show about therapy, huh? Having been (and still going) to threapy, I can vouch that this show ill represents us therapy goers. Where's the average joe, joe cool, or sloppy joe? Instead, we get some teenager moping about how she wants to kill herself and how she wants to be in the Olympics. Everyday I hear about people with REAL problems who just bite the bullet and continue living! Why waste money and time on a threapist!? The only reason I'm going is because some judge I don't even know is forcing me to! Sorry, I went on a rant there... I'll try to avoid this in the future.

Quantum of Solace: Okay, so I was thinking about the title. It just doesn't make sense. It's very similar "Yahoo Serious" in the fact that they combine two words and it doesn't make a lick of sense. I'm aware of the words "quantum" and "solace", but "Quantum of Solace" sounds like the title a kid made for his amatuer graphic novel he started in high school. I haven't seen a new James Bond film in a while, but I'm pretty sure this is potentially cool. On the cover, he's calmly walking away from an explosion all while keeping his suit perfectly neat. This is leading me to believe that you should rent it, but knowing you, you'll rent it just to see that hunkasaurus Daniel Craig.

The Venture Bros.: Season Three: I've seen a couple episodes of this show. Me and my cohort agree that it's definatly in your best interests to watch this. The episode I remember best involved David Bowie battling his former creative accomplices Iggy Pop and Klaus Nomi to the death. Based on this episode alone, I would say this may be the greatest show to be witnessed by man. It doesn't hurt that the show itself looks good, too.

NEW RELEASES THAT I WAS TOO LAZY TO WRITE ABOUT:
Australia (Blu-Ray)
Citizen Dog
Days of Being Wild (Blu-Ray)
Family Way
House of Flying Daggers (Blu-Ray)
Ip Man
Katyn
Mad Detective (Blu-Ray)
Passport to Great Weekends
Radiohead: Beat Special UK
Radiohead: Rock and Ring
Red Cliff (Blu-Ray)
The Riches: Season 2
Twilight (Blu-Ray)

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

Feature Actress Natasha Richardson: In memory of the recent passing of Natasha Richardson, we put up a section in her honor. You can now rent the 1998 version of "The Parent Trap" in her honor. Unfortunaly, her best movie, "Patty Hearst", in unavalible. Write angry letters to Paul Schrader demanding a DVD realease of the film in her memory.

Women's History Month: "Wait, wait, wait! Let me get this straight! Women can vote!? AND DRIVE!!?? What kind of sick, twisted science fiction world is this!?". Did that quote upset you? Stick it to chauvinistic male oppressor by renting "The Color Purple" and "North Country". That'll teach them for trying to dick you around!

Also, Marina M. and France Gall still have their respective sections up. Unfortunatly, due to powers beyond my control, the Slumdog Millionaie/Danny Boyle, Sean Penn, and Mark W. sections are gone. I tried my best to save them, but the man won.

REPAIR UPDATE:

So they're still repairing the store front. To turn on the lights in the entrace, I have to make my way around a six foot gap. Because of construction, half our drop box is gone as well. I don't know if we'll ever get it back, but for the moment, we have to manage with a what's almost a sad memory of our former box.

IS THIS BLOG POST FINISHED:
Yes it is.

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL FOR THE WEEK:
When you see yellow tape preventing you from crossing an area, understand that it's just tape. You can easily remove it and make your way to any crime scene/chemical disaster.

New Releases for March 17th, 2009 or The Blog is Back, Baby!

So these blog posts haven't been around for a while. The old guy left, saying something about "pummeling people" so I offered to step in and replace his duties.

Things didn't work out as smoothly as I thought they would.

I was a fool a few months ago and was going through deep depression. When you're mixing anti-depressants with alcohol and Jack-in-the-Box, you're head is not in the right sort of mind. Through a friend of a friend of a friend, I somehow got involved with an underground glove-free boxing circuit.

Two months in the hospital, three weeks in the can, and twenty lost pounds later, I've come back to reality. My court appointed psychiatrist, Dr. Rosenthal, says that I was trying to fill a void in my life, and he was right. Being able to work on this blog again covers up part of the void (somewhere in the 73% range) and massages my mind back to stable health. And for this, I dedicate this post to Jerry Rosenthal, a court-appointed angel without wings. Thank you!

NEW RELEASES FOR 3/17/09:

The 400 Blows (Blu-Ray): Prison is a lot like the hospital. The visiting hours are short, the orange juice is from concentrate, the bed feels like a gym mat, and you hate everyone you're stuck with. Being cut off from the real world made me lose track of what the hepcats are into. Apparently, there's a new format being introduced to the market called "Digital Versatile Discs" or "DVD" for short. I'm not sure how it works, but it looks like one of my old laserdiscs except smaller. I took my EDD check and went straight to downtown Los Angeles to buy one of these mechanical doo-dad's to watch these discs. I go up to the register and the neckbearded fellow working the register chuckles. "You're going to buy THAT?" the neckbeard sez. I sez to him "Yeah. What of it?". He goes on this spiel and tangent that a new format "Blu-Ray" is coming around and that I need to be ready. Four hundred dollars later, I bought a brand new GoWell G875 Blu-Ray Player. I took it to my cousin Tony's house because his T.V. is one of those wide fancy ones. We started watching Transformers on it and I was blown away. It looked like I was watching it in the theater (and I remember how Transformers looked like in the theatre; I saw it four times). A couple of beers later, I get kicked out by my cousin's wife who was insisting I was a bad influence on my cousin, so I hit the road taking the Blu-Ray player with me. Someone from Vidyatheque suggested a film called "The 400 Blows" and that it just came out on the Blu-Ray. I told the clerk that I have a girlfriend, I don't need to rent any dirty film about 400 blows, but was assured that the film is a much different one. So I sat down on my bean bag chair, opened up a Bud-Light with Clamato and started watching this film. I haven't cried this much since my former bookie pulled my fingernails out with a plier. It's about a kid who doesn't fit in and has to deal with the ordeals of life after. I remember telling the television screen "I know how you feel, brother. I know how you feel...". That's how much this movie touched me.

Dodes'ka-Den: Akira Kurosawa directs a semi-autobiographical film about poor people in Japan, but I have to say, I can't sympathize with the characters in this film. My family had plenty of money after my mom sued McDonald's for tripping on a McNugget. She may be a quadriplegic, but she's the happiest quadriplegic I've seen after the money she got! If you enjoy feeling emotions like "pity" and "joy", this movie is your bag, but I can't say it's mine! JEOPARDY TRIVIA: Dodes'ka-Den is an onomatopoeia for the sound a train makes while passing by.

Elegy: I haven't had the pleasure of watching this film, but apparently it's about Ghandi and that Spanish actress who plays the same character in every movie doing the nasty a couple of times. Somehow Dennis Hopper is involved, too. Maybe he watches or something, I'm not too sure myself. You should rent it and tell me what goes on.

Punisher 2:War Zone: I wish I could say something neat about this film but can't. I was going to go see this film at the movies with a hot moviestar/model/astronaut, but the burrito I ate for breakfast went Punisher on my stomach and turned my lower intestine into a war zone. Be that as it may, I would watch the sequel just because Travolta isn't involved.

The Robe: Some people collect stamps. Some people collect Pokémon cards. Some people collect pogs. I happen to collect bathrobes. I have a rare collection of bathrobes, including Kenneth Anger's bathrobe c. 1959, and I have to say, it's a beautiful red bathrobe. It has the name "Kenneth Anger" studded on the back with long frills on the sleeves. Boy, was I let down when this turned out to be a film about Romans and Jesus starring Richard Burton. When will the bathrobe enthusiast finally get their film!?

Twilight: So I thought the world of romantic vampires was rid of when Anne Rice decided to write about Jesus instead. Last time romance and vampires combined in cinema was for 2002's "Queen of the Damned", and believe me when I say this, the vampires weren't the only thing the sucked about that film! Hahaha! GET IT!? SUCKED! VAMPIRES! Any hooooo, if you need to get your fix of underage-teenage-vampire lovin', or your kids are hassling you to rent this because reading the book costs too much effort to read, come in and ask for this film.
OTHER NEW RELEASES:
Burn Notice (Season 1)
Eclipse Series 15: Travels with Hiroshi Shimizu
The Hairdresser's Husband
The Last Metro
The Midnight Meat Train

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

First, our staff pics!
Mark W's "Films for Lovers": The big guy himself is feeling the love. I think the virus he contracted from that tick that bit him wasn't Lyme disease, but it was the love bug biting his was into his heart. This tick didn't just lay eggs under his skin, but spread a serum of love all over our recommended shelf with some of the most lovely love films that people love like "Sunrise", "A Man and a Woman", and "Palm Beach Story". I wish I knew how it felt like to be in love...

Martina M's "Besos Verdes": Miss Martina, our newest comrade in our Vidyathèque commune has made a section which she devotes to films where people get inebriated on the bourgeoisie drink of absinthe or "Green Fairy" as the cool kids call it. If you like to see fancy pants like Oscar Wilde, Vincent Van Gogh, and Dracula drink absinthe, this place is where it's happenin'!

France Gall's "Singled Out for Annihilation": It's as though France Gall peered into my soul and made a section about this bloggers life! These are all films where people are either A) being targeted or B) targeting someone else. "Cache", "Diva", and "The Silence of the Lambs" are prime, rare, and meaty examples of targeting films in this section.

Second, directors and actors!
Sean Penn's Films: Sean Penn has come pretty far. Once he was a peaceful stoner that was delayed to his senior prom by Mr. Hand, now he's an award-winning gay politician. I wish I could say I've done all that with my life. This section is practically over-flowing with Sean Penn from everything he's starred in to everything he's directed. If it's not here, it probably doesn't exist.

Slumdog Millionaire / Danny Boyle Films: So I got every Bollywood film with attractive women on the cover and every Danny Boyle film and lined 'em up on this shelf. With Indian culture being the new "it" thing, this may aid you in keeping up to date with the latest Indian music and style. This is also a section for Indian/American relations and films about vacuuming nude.

BLOCKED ENTRANCE:
Out entrance isn't blocked, per se, but if you come visit us now, you'll see a giant wall made of plywood blocking the sun and part of the Videothèque entranceway. They are earthquake proofing the building to prepare us for the next apocalypse. According to Ron Paul, it may be coming 2012.

WEDNESDAY DISCOUNT:
I pulled all my money out of IndyMac and decided to buy a house with a loan from WaMu. To put it in laymans terms, I f***ed up severely. I could really use a discount when I rent movies. Luckily, I can when I come in Wednesday. If I rent two or more movies, I can get two bucks off, which means I can buy two tacos from a truck on the way home. Sweet deal, if I say so myself.

AND WITH THAT WE'RE DONE:
And away we go!

www.vidtheque.com

It's good to be back, foolios! It's good to be back!

And to you MySpacers, we're on FaceBook too now! Come search for us and become our fan! I'm sure if you were a store, we would be your fan!

New Releases for March 10th, 2009

Got a chunk of new films this week!

- Boy in Striped Pajamas
- Cadillac Records
- Elegy
- End of America
- Happy-Go-Lucky
- Howard the Duck
- La Femme Publique
- Let the Right One In
- Milk
- Noble Son
- Rachel Getting Married
- Role Models
- A Secret
- South Park (Season. 12)
- Synecdoche, New York
- Transporter 3

Ten Great Los Angeles Films

A co-worker suggested that I make a list of South Pasadena films, but after I came to quickly realize that the list would just be Step Brothers, Back to the Future and Halloween (the new one and the old one), I decided to write about Los Angeles.

It's not that I have anything against South Pasadena, but it'll always be overshadowed by it's big brother neighbor, Los Angeles. Not only that, despite working in South Pas, my heart, my apartment, and all my stuff belongs to Los Angeles. So here's the list, and try not to discriminate!

- Collateral : This is the film that provoked this list. I happened to be watching this last night and I forgot what a great film it is. I don't care if he's a Scientologist, Tom Cruise does a damn fine job of being a crazy guy (which some may argue comes naturally to the guy) and Jamie Foxx proves that he doesn't need to do movies like Booty Call to get paid. A customer came up and mentioned this is up there with best films in L.A. and he's right. You get plenty of great views of Korea Town, MacArthur Park apartments, and shady discotheques. (Apologies to all Heat fanatics)

- Inland Empire : Maybe David Lynch's most abstract but certainly most debated film. Those I've meet either hate the film with a passion or claim it to be Lynch's greatest work since Eraserhead. I'm not sure if I've met anyone with an opinion along the lines of "It's alright... I guess." This film is loaded with Los Angeles all the way up the wazoo. Lot's of Hollywood Blvd. (loaded with hookers, no less) and jerk-wad directors complaining about their coffee. If that's not Los Angeles, I don't know what is!

- The Big Lebowski : Do I even need to explain this one? Everyone has seen this and knows it's filmed all around the scummy parts of Los Angeles and is full of weirdos that only Los Angeles would create. I don't know what else to say about this one.

- Boogie Nights : Having had first hand experience in the pornography business, I can tell you that I wish my director has treated me as lovingly as Burt Reynolds treated his actors. Irregardless, this film is probably the happiest film about porn, a cocaine addicted John C. Reillyand Don Cheadle getting his nice white suit covered a blood right before Alfred Molina brags about his Chinese boy toy. If you've even been to the San Fernando Valley, you'll know that Boogie Nights does it justice. The whole area looks like it's stuck in a time warp from the seventies, so it fits the film like a glove (What I was originally going to say it fits like would fit with the theme of Boogie Nights well, but was maybe too suggestive for the kids).

- Pulp Fiction : This is how L.A. SHOULD be. I wish everyone around here wore cool suits, dance on heroin, and listen to Dick Dale on the radio. This is the only movie where you see the rare Los Angeles delicacy, the Chinese restaurant/Donut store. This is just like The Big Lebowski, everyone has seen it, so what's the point of continuing talking about it?

- Menace II Society : I was debating if this or Boyz in the Hood should be on this list, but I think I made the right choice. It has all the sights of South Central, including the Korean liquor store owners who sell loose cigarettes. It's only icing on the already delicious cake by having the characters drink fourties of Olde English and calling "Jack in the Box" Jack in the A** (censored to avoid burning the eyes of children). Avoid this film if you don't want bad memories of the L.A. Riots and when they stole the radio out of your Ford Yugo.

- Barfly : This is what dive bars use to be before the hipster infiltration of the mid-2000's. I remember living near a bar in the nineties where every weekend the police would pick up a body from the street (living or dead). That's pretty much how the bars are in Barfly. It's all filmed around Alvarado before people richer than Charles Bukowski decided to clean it up. This is how I remember L.A. best. Too bad I'll never get to see it like this again, unless those bars cease being fashionable.

- Porn Star: The Ron Jeremy Story : See how the L.A. porn industry REALLY runs. Only in this city can we turn a former math teacher into the biggest (in more than one way) porn star in the industry.

- Point Blank : Two things.
1) Someone gets sniped in the L.A. Reservoir.
2) A brand new car gets destroyed underneath a freeway overpass

- The Killing : I was ready to go with a far more established L.A. classic like Sunset Blvd. or The Big Sleep, but I started remembering what an amazing film this is. This doesn't have a handsome guy like Bill Holden and Bogie. Sterling Hayden is no pretty boy, the guy is an authetic tough guy, last of his kind, and something you rarely see in movies, and the rest of the cast looks like weirdos who drink and smoke all day. Just look at Timothy Carey! This film embraces the popular L.A. tradition of watching horse races and hiding guns in rose boxes.

I know I arbitrarily stopped at ten, but that shouldn't stop you! Do you, the reader, have any contributions?

Also, keep spreading the gospel of the 'Theque being on Facebook. We're depending on word of mouth!

This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world.

I remember when the previous guy who did the blog left, he wrote in his last blog that every blog from that day forth was going to be "weak sauce."

At the time I didn't understand what he was talking about. Now I do.

If my blogs have been weak sauce, they're always going to be weak sauce because I will continue to write this blog forever.

I think that some people don't think that my blogs are weak sauce, 'cause I do receive a lot of fan letters. Like this one for example:

"Dear Videotheque Blog Dude,

"Deep shades of gray. Do you understand? 'Greed is bad.' A Mormon sermon. Keep your religion to yourself. [Kathy] is cool but she seems confused. I love her. A few words of advice. Keep your nose clean, but only when you get 'urges'. That's all.

"Your [blog] was a lucky one. All those female fingers. [Kathy] has made friends here. Some are fake but many are true. I am true.

"Worn out garments are shed by the body. Worn out bodies are shed by the dweller. New bodies are donned by the dweller, like garments.

"The greatest adventure of our lives is our lives. If you let [other people] destroy what you have, you'll be left with death. Life and death are both the same.

"Learn about people. Watch a film called 'The Ninth Configuration'. It's well worth it.

"Do people call you names? They do me. It sounds as if you have finally started living for yourself. You aren't dressing for your friends anymore, huh? That's good.

"Being of mixed heritage (my father is from Botswana and my mother from [Boston]) I had a few problems expressing myself as well. Once I thought I had to listen to rap. Then I moved to thrash, and now I'm into punk again.

"There was once a time when my hair was nearly every shade of the spectrum. Now I don't care. I'm glad you don't care either.

"I am in love with Lou Reed. Have you ever listened to him? You should. Please do not take my letter as a note from a girl in a stinking lockup who is hard up. Not the case. Plastic chairs. I hate them.

"'Time it was,
And what a time it was,
It was a time of innocence,
A time of confidences.

"'Long ago it must be,
I held a photograph,
Preserve your memories,
They're all that's left you.'
-'Bookends,' Simon and Garfunkel"

NEW RELEASES 12/02:

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN: If you are an overzealous Bible thumper who secretly loves war and fighting, this is for you! I saw the first one of these, so for the sake of closure and out of respect for overzealous Bible thumpers who secretly love war and fighting, and because William Moseley is my home boy, I felt obligated to give this one a whirl. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. Prince Caspian made my heart long for Orlando Bloom. Where's Orlando Bloom when you need him? I couldn't stop thinking about "Elizabethtown" whenever Prince Caspian was on the screen. "Elizabethtown" is good. I don't care what you say. Another bonus of this film is that Willow is in it. There's nothing like an angry Ewok with a Napoleon complex. But anyway, let's get back to "Elizabethtown," it has me thinking, maybe I should create a section for Cameron Crowe. A Cameron Crowe section would be great. There are no subsections Drama. Maybe there could just be one on the bottom shelf for Cameron Crowe. Maybe I will start working on that next week. Maybe after I'm done writing next week's blog.

THE PRICE OF SUGAR: I'm not sure when this comes out but I'll mention it anyway 'cause it's narrated by another one of my home boys, Paul Newman. I missed this movie because my priorities are way out of whack. But I digress, it's about people rising up against a powerful sugar baron. Sugar is delicious, I'll give you that. But at what price? What price?!

STEP BROTHERS: The Apatow train careens out of control with this new comedy by the patchy facial-haired director of "Talladega Nights." I know that William Ferrell and John C. Reilly mean well. They try to make people laugh, and I guess that's ultimately a good thing, in a world where most people are so quick to be negative. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. There are things known and things unknown and in between is the back story to their characters in this film. Also, there are some things in this film that I think I could've gone through life not having seen. In fact, I think I would've preferred it, but still, it has its moments and also it has Videotheque's back side in soft focus in the background.

WANTED: I didn't bother to watch this 'cause based on the title alone, I knew that I would in no way be able to relate with anyone in this movie. Terence Stamp reprises his role from "Toby Dammit" in this skin and bullet fest starring the girl from "Foxfire," and the dude from "Starter for 10." Based on a true story about someone with the ability to curve bullets. You know, like a curve ball, but more deadly. This is physically possible. I recommend practicing this by way of gleeking.

THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE: A common experience that I've had during this long, sad, lonely life of mine is meeting girls in their mid-20's who get mad at me 'cause I'm a guy and they complain how unfair it is that men are considered more distinguished as they get older and women are considered less attractive. I can't win that argument so I often just don't say anything and then start to feel bad about myself for being distinguished, but I don't know, man, I just do not know, this Gillian Anderson gets more attractive with age. She makes herself in the early seasons of the series look like "Newsies." I liked the series and I liked the movie that followed, but then I saw trailers for this and saw Billy Connolly running around with limp arms, wearing Sean Connery's wig from "The Rock" and I thought to myself, I thought, "Man, F that noise!" But then I watched it anyway, instead of watching "The Price of Sugar," and you know what, kids? It's not half bad. In fact, I'd even venture to say it's half good. It's worth watching to see Gillian Anderson, but then the rest of the movie is half good. Kudos! Up yours, Chris Carter!

ALSO AVAILABLE:
24: Redemption
Body of War - The True Story of an Anti-War Hero
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All
I've Been Waiting So Long
Just About Love?
The Last Continent
Life and Nothing More...
A Man Named Pearl
Prince of Darkness
Savage Grace
Sleeping Beauty (Blu-ray)
Smashing Pumpkins - If All Goes Wrong
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold

www.vidtheque.com

...Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost.