Heyall So I feel a bit refreshed. There was no life-threatening emergency last week, it was that I sir, had skipped out of town. So my apologies for those avid readers. Seeing as that Club VT has ventured into the advertising market and has completed their very own commercial! Yes, so let us celebrate, dance smooth and suave, and enjoy the way the rain lands on the top of our heads! Certainly, maybe, possibly...
After the Sunset: On my short hiatus from this wretched place(!), the wonderful airline I was trapped in decided to screen this gem. When they announced the feature, I exclaimed with glee, picked up my book and read the rest of the way home. Closer: Speaking of wretched things, the characters in this film seem to live in that vile piece of land. Sexual politics and vendettas collide in this hot ticket brought to you by Mr. Mike Nichols. Featuring the wonderful acting talent of Clive Owen, and then that of Jude Law, Patalie Nortman, and Ms. Lips herself, Julia Roberts. To prepare herself for the part, Julia Roberts had Jude Law kick her in the balls.
Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse: Man, this sounds sooo goth. Reminds me of my ol' high school days. Also a former VT employee. Shh. I remember we would go to the Colorado River, sacrifice one of the witches and christen the river, The Crimson River. And then we got bored and decided to play Contra or Metroid. Remember the feeling you got when you found out in Metroid that she was a girl?! Those were the days.
Orgazmo!: Yes, I know this came out ages ago when Mormons were funny. But it has finally made it out to DVD, which means you can pause and rewind all those gorgeous babes as they are 'rescued' by Orgazmo. Features tons of zany, unsuitable-for-all-viewers commentary and plenty of other preversitivty.
Vera Drake: Oscar's long-shot at winning the best actress nod this year, this tiny little film by VT's fave Mike Leigh. This scripted/unscripted epic follows Mrs. Drake as she helps those in need by committing black market abortions. Sounds like a future Veggie-Tales episode to me. The giant Cucumber hides in London's streets as the Artichoke attempts to abort the Peppers unborn seedling. They are then arrested and sentenced to death on a long, swealtering skewer. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
*********************** New Staff Recs!! YES!! We have overthrown those Oscar Nods and commited an act of self-endulgence! Here are the fruits of our labor!
Mark: Forgein Film Fiesta: Consider it a taco salad of foreign films. Picking his favorites and best of the best fromt he world has to offer. This section reminds me of the painting shows at MOCA. Check out Mark's section to enjoy films that make you go "yeesss."
Andy: The Strokes: No, not the band. This topic is too sensitive to discuss therefore I will let you figure out Andy's sick joke. *Please Note that Andy's sense of humor does not reflect the rest of those who are employed here at Videotheque.
Meg: Who Do You Think You Are?: Feeling like you have a personality conflict? Not feeling yourself these days? Well, come sulk with one of the characters from Meg's section. Amensia, Denial, Illness...it's all here baby.
Elise: See ya! Wouldn't Want to be Ya!: For the last time, enjoy's Elise's pick. As reiterated by her section, she has moved on to better pastures and has ditched us all, like dust in the wind. Pay your respects to her by check out her swan songs of staff picks.
Introducing, Jessie: Infotainment: New girl Jessie has arrived in lieu of Elise's departure. She has already grabbed the store by the horns and called it it's bitch. She made it bark and yell out the best Documentaries it can think of. The resulting spouts are displayed here in all it's glory in her inagaural selection of recs. Make her feel welcome. So YES! back to our bad selves.
I hope you had a great Easter by laughing. Be good and don't be a stranger. go home.
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, March 28, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005
03:15 (healthy misgivings)
Hey'all So a monkey attacked a neighbor of mine. He reportedly lost several important elements from his body and is in crucial decision. I did not here the news first, it was actually told to me, but when my lady friend spilled the beans, I couldn't help but laugh a little. I got the: "Don't laugh! Its not funny!"... Yeah, I know, I shouldn't of, but it was kinda funny. A monkey! While I burn in hell, here's something for you to chew on: Broccoli is a good source of iron!
Alfie: Smarmy-ass Jude Law is a pimpin' bachelor in this not-so-witty remake. If you didn't know how sexy he was before this, then watch all these gorgeous young and old women fall in love with him and bump uglies. Then, you'll know who Jude Law is. And when you find out, go share the news with Chris Rock. Sean Penn will love you for it.
A Fond Kiss: Quiet but store-fave Ken Loach returns with his tenth film this year!! No, really this is his first, but that man pops them out like corn. I think he's got Michael Winterbottom just about beat. Loach and his D.P. should tie their legs together, as well Winterbottom and his, and race the three-legged 100 meter dash. And as Team Winterbottom approaches the finish line, Loach will throw his DP into them, trip them and cross gloriously over the line. And being no gracious winner, he'll turn around and laugh at his name and excl.. "Is it cold down there, Winterbottom?!"
The Incredibles: Every review or blurb of this film is usually followed by "incredible." Not so original is it? so I will strive to avoid that word in an effort to bring you a not-as-lame review. Let's begin: Pixar's latest is a testament to their genius. The awesome rendering of characters AND story is rare in all the other CGI junk. No Shark Tale this is. Take this home and enjoy the wonder that is the animated bloopers! See, it wasn't THAT lame.
What the Bleep Do We Know?: Everyone says this is amazing. I say, get a better title, and then maybe it'll be amazing. Also, get a better designer for your cover. Your current one didn't know jack. Anyways, What The Yowzoo is a doc that eats narrative and poops out animation. It'll take you through the world of quantam physics that Mr. Hawking might have missed and leave you wishing that Einstein was still alive to explain it to you. Now that would be another awesome three-legged race.
******** Note: I know that the New Releases have been a little weak sauce as of late, but you should understand that just because I don't write about them, doesn't mean they don't exist. Meaning, we get tons of new crap in everyday, and I'd be a mad man to try to catalog them all. Plus, I'm a tad bit lazy and that's too much work. So if you don't hear or see it, drop us a line and we shall let you know for sure. Deal?
And that's it, next week we just might, maybe, possibly have new Staff Recs. It could happen. take care of yourself. ti amo.
www.vidtheque.com
Alfie: Smarmy-ass Jude Law is a pimpin' bachelor in this not-so-witty remake. If you didn't know how sexy he was before this, then watch all these gorgeous young and old women fall in love with him and bump uglies. Then, you'll know who Jude Law is. And when you find out, go share the news with Chris Rock. Sean Penn will love you for it.
A Fond Kiss: Quiet but store-fave Ken Loach returns with his tenth film this year!! No, really this is his first, but that man pops them out like corn. I think he's got Michael Winterbottom just about beat. Loach and his D.P. should tie their legs together, as well Winterbottom and his, and race the three-legged 100 meter dash. And as Team Winterbottom approaches the finish line, Loach will throw his DP into them, trip them and cross gloriously over the line. And being no gracious winner, he'll turn around and laugh at his name and excl.. "Is it cold down there, Winterbottom?!"
The Incredibles: Every review or blurb of this film is usually followed by "incredible." Not so original is it? so I will strive to avoid that word in an effort to bring you a not-as-lame review. Let's begin: Pixar's latest is a testament to their genius. The awesome rendering of characters AND story is rare in all the other CGI junk. No Shark Tale this is. Take this home and enjoy the wonder that is the animated bloopers! See, it wasn't THAT lame.
What the Bleep Do We Know?: Everyone says this is amazing. I say, get a better title, and then maybe it'll be amazing. Also, get a better designer for your cover. Your current one didn't know jack. Anyways, What The Yowzoo is a doc that eats narrative and poops out animation. It'll take you through the world of quantam physics that Mr. Hawking might have missed and leave you wishing that Einstein was still alive to explain it to you. Now that would be another awesome three-legged race.
******** Note: I know that the New Releases have been a little weak sauce as of late, but you should understand that just because I don't write about them, doesn't mean they don't exist. Meaning, we get tons of new crap in everyday, and I'd be a mad man to try to catalog them all. Plus, I'm a tad bit lazy and that's too much work. So if you don't hear or see it, drop us a line and we shall let you know for sure. Deal?
And that's it, next week we just might, maybe, possibly have new Staff Recs. It could happen. take care of yourself. ti amo.
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, March 7, 2005
03:08 (hey tough guy)
Hejdo I have Animal Collective's Queen in my Pictures playing behind me, and I can't help but think how much enjoyment those folks get out of doing such silly little things. I suppose I'll never know, 'specially since VTers aren't letting me in on the gag. Oh well, to hell with them! No I keed, I love them, er like them, so no harm no foul. Whatever. Anyways, it's either my bad case of menopause or the heat that's dragging me down, but my collar's feeling like a hot plate, and I be running around in circles here at VTland. Our governor doesn't believe in energy, so I suppose I can kiss the A/C adios. A big, fat one with tongue. Now that I've turned you on, read this with a sexy voice, and think of me in lace: Ohh yeah, that's the ticket:
Bright Future: Japan's other Kurosawa (Kiyoshi; who I bet hates it when he's referred to by the "other Kurosawa." Eh) brings us his latest story about crazy people. Although this isn't his typical suspense/horror motif, it certainly isn't Tampopo. Ingredients: Two Men; Jellyfish; A Murder; Dead-end Jobs; and some girl. See? That's not horror, horror would be the look on my mom's face when I erupted out of there. :(
Fear X: Let me quote Rick once again: "Did you know they made nine sequels to Fear [with Marky Mark], and they've reached the 10th one starring John Turturro?" Well, that is indeed incorrect, from what I know, it has nothing to do with Fear or that Rollercoaster scene, but by the looks of the cover, they seem to want to capitalize on Depp's and JT's success with Secret Window. And can you believe I got all that simply by looking at the cover? That's to you, Mr. Roland Barthes. (*Note: When pronouncing Barthes, the "s" is silent).
The Hillz: I won't say much about this thang, but it stars Paris Hilton. But I'm sure most of you have seen Hilton's better performance in her other "film."
The I Inside: Winner of the 2004 Academy Award for Best Foreign... Meh? Oh that would be the SEA inside! How silly of me. I have no idea where this came from, nor do I really care, but it's good to see that Ryan Phillipe's sub-par career hasn't gone completely down the drain. Well, let's not kid ourselves, after all, the ladies did love Gosford Park. Too bad their ears weren't able to pick up all the dialogue. Anyways, The I Inside....hmm...oh yes! it's a taut psychological thriller with a killer ending! The box compares it to Memento, except it's not backwards told.
Ladder 49: Wouldn't it be cool if the building that was on fire was the Scientology HQ on Melrose (or is Sunset)? And John Travolta runs out instead of the kids and people, he has stacks of Dianetics in his hands. That would be totally rad. I would pay to see that. Oh! and Joaquin Phoenix is singing Hey Ya by Outkast all the while trying to remember how he got into the business to begin with, and then concludes: "I'm getting to old for this." Boy that would be the best!
Stage Beauty: I wonder what Chris Rock would say about this particular item. I'm sure he'd love it, but only after the media makes certain they have their sound byte. He'd probably say something to the effect of: "Only straight black men will love this movie!" And then the Israelies and Palestinians will kiss and make up, Travolta's hair mystery will be solved, and my head will explode from such wonderment in this world.
****** Our Staff Recs are disabled at the moment for those glory hogs (oscar nominees) but they should be up in no time.
and that will conclude this week's blog blogger. Get out and get made.
www.vidtheque.com
Bright Future: Japan's other Kurosawa (Kiyoshi; who I bet hates it when he's referred to by the "other Kurosawa." Eh) brings us his latest story about crazy people. Although this isn't his typical suspense/horror motif, it certainly isn't Tampopo. Ingredients: Two Men; Jellyfish; A Murder; Dead-end Jobs; and some girl. See? That's not horror, horror would be the look on my mom's face when I erupted out of there. :(
Fear X: Let me quote Rick once again: "Did you know they made nine sequels to Fear [with Marky Mark], and they've reached the 10th one starring John Turturro?" Well, that is indeed incorrect, from what I know, it has nothing to do with Fear or that Rollercoaster scene, but by the looks of the cover, they seem to want to capitalize on Depp's and JT's success with Secret Window. And can you believe I got all that simply by looking at the cover? That's to you, Mr. Roland Barthes. (*Note: When pronouncing Barthes, the "s" is silent).
The Hillz: I won't say much about this thang, but it stars Paris Hilton. But I'm sure most of you have seen Hilton's better performance in her other "film."
The I Inside: Winner of the 2004 Academy Award for Best Foreign... Meh? Oh that would be the SEA inside! How silly of me. I have no idea where this came from, nor do I really care, but it's good to see that Ryan Phillipe's sub-par career hasn't gone completely down the drain. Well, let's not kid ourselves, after all, the ladies did love Gosford Park. Too bad their ears weren't able to pick up all the dialogue. Anyways, The I Inside....hmm...oh yes! it's a taut psychological thriller with a killer ending! The box compares it to Memento, except it's not backwards told.
Ladder 49: Wouldn't it be cool if the building that was on fire was the Scientology HQ on Melrose (or is Sunset)? And John Travolta runs out instead of the kids and people, he has stacks of Dianetics in his hands. That would be totally rad. I would pay to see that. Oh! and Joaquin Phoenix is singing Hey Ya by Outkast all the while trying to remember how he got into the business to begin with, and then concludes: "I'm getting to old for this." Boy that would be the best!
Stage Beauty: I wonder what Chris Rock would say about this particular item. I'm sure he'd love it, but only after the media makes certain they have their sound byte. He'd probably say something to the effect of: "Only straight black men will love this movie!" And then the Israelies and Palestinians will kiss and make up, Travolta's hair mystery will be solved, and my head will explode from such wonderment in this world.
****** Our Staff Recs are disabled at the moment for those glory hogs (oscar nominees) but they should be up in no time.
and that will conclude this week's blog blogger. Get out and get made.
www.vidtheque.com
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