New Releases for June 30th, or A Week in the News

Man, oh man. Gee golly. Holy mackarel. Last week was a week for news, huh?

Oh! You say you don't read the paper or watch television and that you'd prefer to rent DVD's and Blu-Rays? That's great! It means we make a profit and I get to keep my job! Well, for you movie watching types, let me fill you in on the happenings of the week:

Madness in Iran: When a rigged election happens in the US, a bunch of second rate filmmakers make documentaries about how bad Bush is. When a rigged election happens in Iran, innocent people go protest, get shot and have their death video uploaded on YouTube.

North Korea and the Nukes: North Korea, always ready to brag about their non-existent supremacy over all other East Asian countries, is claiming that if the UN inspects their ships the UN believes they are loaded with nuclear missles, Kim Jong Il will take it as a declaration of war. I think we should try to reach some agreement where no one gets nuked and Kim Jong Il continues to have a healthy supply of old lady sunglasses before the world becomes "Gravity's Rainbow".

The Death of Ed McMahon: I'll remember him always courtesy of Phil Hartman's great imitation. I just remember his character always being drunk and always yelling "You are correct, sir!".

The Death of Farrah Fawcett: Suddenly, I feel very dirty having her poster still pinned up next to my bed.

The Death of Michael Jackson: Unless he was accused of molestation, nobody really cared about him since the early nineties. Now suddenly he's dead, everyone's a fan. Amazon sold out of his albums within fifteen minutes of the new. No respect for the dead, huh?

The Death of Billy Mays: All the chubby, bearded men of America are convening at Billy Mays' star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The wait in line is four hours. His star is also the shiniest in the whole street courtesey of OxiClean. "Stains? What stains?". Rest in piece ol' buddy.

NEW RELEASES:
So, let's forget about the horrors of the world. Instead let's look at this week's new releases:

Kaidan: I don't know anything about foreign cultures or other languages, but I do know that "kaidan" means ghost story. If you like ghost stories I would watch this, but for the weak hearted or weak bladdered, I don't reccomend it.

Tokyo!: This movie is not called "Tokyo". It's called "Tokyo!". My main men Gondry, Carax, and that guy who made "The Host" all have their own idea of how Tokyo is! Also, it's a film about women turning into chairs and people ordering pizza and not about Japan's unstable economic situation, their increasing low birth rate and the many social issues. Sounds fun!

Two Lovers: A customer whose judgement I trust said that this film was "excellent, but very dark". A relationship movie that's "dark"? Sounds awesome! I'm getting tired of these "Bride Wars" and "Made of Honor" and "Father of the Bride" type films. Where's the movie for the person whose relationships never work out, huh!? This sounds like it may be it.

OTHER NEW RELEASES/NEW ARRIVALS:

28 Days
Absolute Power (Clint Eastwood)
Entourage S.5
Inspector Gadget 1&2 (The live-action version)
Picking Up the Pieces
Prefontaine
Punk in England
RIP! (doc.)
Robot Chicken S.3
Secret Diary of a Call Girl S.2
A Song of Innocence

FOURTH OF JULY:

Before you get full of meat and beer and then accidentally hurt yourself with fireworks you bought in Tijuana, know that Videotheque will be open, but ONLY UNTIL 8 PM. We also want to get full of meat (except the Vegetarians) and beer and then accidentally hurt ourselves, too!

ADIEU:

See you next week!
www.vidtheque.com
vidtheque.blogspot.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Please don't use illegal fireworks. True story: 4th of July, 1992, my father (completely sober mind you) was lighting illegal fireworks and accidentally held one too long. It ended up popping in his hand. He suffered some minor burns and instead of going to a hospital, he just put ice and water on it instead. He was lucky enough not to blow off a finger.

Our collage of photos while a customer shops on.

New Releases for June 22nd, or All Summer Long!

You feel that?

Huh....

You don't? Well, it's the summer heat and it's here to torture us for the next few months. We're feelin' it, that's fo' sho. All the kids and teens are coming in earlier now that school is done. Maybe you should come by too.

So grab you lady or man, a glass of lemonade, a pair of trunks or a bikini and a beach chair and chill out in our perfectly air conditioned store. Rent something while your at it too!

NEW RELEASES:

Confessions of the Shopaholic: I was a really bad shopaholic, but just had to go cold turkey. After some heavy withdrawals and minor freaking out, I was cured. Still... everytime I step into a shopping mall, I get really bad shakes. I just have to be strong and take it one day at a time. Be strong. Be strong.

Last Year at Marienbad: I wish I could say what this film was about, but I'm not sure if I completely understood it. You should rent it and pretend you knew what it was all about just to impress me. Then again, I'm a nobody. Why would you want to impress li'l ol' me?

My Dinner with Andre: It's strange to think a movie that's totally dependent on dialougue could've existed. Anyways, while watching this, I kept remembering the MDWA action figues from "Waiting for Guffman" and the MDWA video game from The Simpsons where the options are "Bon Mot", "Trenchant Insight", and "Tell Me More" (all phrases never uttered in the film).

Pink Panther 2: Wait? Peter Sellers isn't doing these anymore? Wait!? He's dead!?

Tom and Jerry: The Chuck Jones Collection: I don't like the cat's face (is he Tom or Jerry?). It prevents me from being able to enjoy this DVD.

Waltz with Bashir: I was ready to get down and boogie with this film. Turned out it had nothing to do with dancing. It's about war in the middle east! You can't dance to that (and lord knows I've tried). What a jib!

OTHER NEW RELEASES/RECENT ARRIVALS:

Air Force One (The president of the USA fights terroists)
The Banana Splits complete series (Re-live those Saturday mornings)
The Bronx is Burning (Baseball drama)
Crawford (Bush is gone, but we still get docs about him)
Danielson: A Family Movie (music by Danielson Famile and Sufjan Stevens)
Danny Gans at the Mirage
Dillinger (73) (Prepare for next month's "Public Enemies")
Harry Potter series on Blu-Ray
Iron Maiden/Flight 666 (the number of the beast)
I Can't Belive I'm Still Single (doc about his lonely adventures)
Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress, and the Tangerine (doc on title artist)
Problem Child (John Ritter comedy)
Tomcats

REC SECTS:

So, the signs aren't up yet, but the clerks couldn't wait and decided to put their sections up early. They were promptly terminated.

Mark A's "Celebrate the Independence of American with Explosions!": Mark A. loves this country so much, he's blowing up a small portion of it (with fireworks I hope). Before the feds arrest him at his country cabin and confiscate this section as evidence, you should rent some of the films with big explosions here including "The Rock", "The Bridge on the River Kwai", and the always appropriate "Independence Day".

Martina M.'s "Deep Blue I want to Give it All to You": Do you like blue movies (the non-pornographic kind) like "Blue", "Deep Blue", "I Am Curious: Blue", and "La Blue Girl"? Okay. Some of those have some racey scenes, but still, do you like these movies or any movies with the word "blue" in the title? Then come in and check this section out and take some of the babies home.

CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE:

Adios mujures y muchachos!

www.vidtheque.com
vidtheque.blogspot.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Please don't leave you pets or loved ones in the car with the windows rolled up, especially in this heat.

Getting water to stay cool!

We live in Southern California, a land of people more wealthy and famous that myself! I think it's human nature to be obsessed with these people and to interact with them. Here are some of my favorite encounters:

Steve Buscemi: He was jogging across the street from my house. I ran outside in my soiled bathrobe and tackled him straight to the ground! I told him "Hey! You're Mr. Pink!". He said "Yeah" and gave me a cock-eyed stare. I told him he was pretty cool and then he continued merrily jogging away. About a week later, his attorney sent me a letter saying I was getting sued for permanent damage done to Mr. Buscemi's spinal cord due to my tackling. All and all, a nice guy!

Gérard Depardieu: He was eating some Chicken McNuggets at the McDonald's in downtown. I thought about how the little McNuggets look like peas in comparison to his massive hands. Okay, I really didn't think that, I actually said it out loud. He said thank you and that he was proud of his mighty hands and then he hand fed me a McNugget as thanks. It truly was the mightiest McNugget I've ever eaten.

David Byrne: There he was in the flesh buying a freshly made suit at the big and tall store. He was getting one of those giant suits from "Stop Making Sense" as part of his show. Then I realized I was buying the same suit and even then it was a bit too tight. Suddenly, a great depression came over me and I had to leave the store. He was the meanest celebrity I ran into.

Mark Ruffalo: Fresh off "The Brothers Bloom", he was impressing some ladies with the magic tricks he learned for his role inside a booth at the Congo Room. I asked him to do a trick for me and he asked for my wallet. as part of the trick. Just like that, he made my wallet disappear. Wow! I then asked for my wallet back, but all he said was "What wallet?". He wasn't as nice as he is in the movies.

Chow Yun-Fat: I ran into Chow Yun-Fat in the line at Whole Foods. He was buying some falafel with spicy tahini sauce. This was my first real celebrity encounter, so out of nervousness, I asked him "Sooooo... you must like food, huh?" Without a thought of hesitation, he drop kicked me so hard in the chest, he broke two ribs and stopped my heart for a few minutes. He was nice enough to give me a free pass to see Red Cliff though! That's an interview I'll never forget!

NEW RELEASES:

Bergman Island (included with "The Seventh Seal"): This sounds like a good title for a Bergman themed reality show where people have to stay on an island for thirty days while their marriage disintegrates, their questioning of God arrives, and they have to stay very stoic and stone faced. Instead, we get this pretty cool documentary about Mr. Bergman at the sunset of his life.

Madea Goes To Jail: While Madea goes to jail, Tyler Perry goes straight to the bank to deposit all the millions upon millions of dollars he's made off of controlling all the main media outlets including television, movies, legitimate theater, and books. He's back as the angry and crazy black woman he's been in the last few movies, but someone finally caught on that her craziness may be a potential threat against human life so they put her in jail. They would've stuck her in the nut house, but Reagan shut all of those down in the eighties.

Scott Walker: 30 Century Man: I thought I've seen all the movies where prominent musicians tell others to punch meat, but it turned out I was wrong. See Brian Eno, David Bowie, Jarvis Cocker and others look generally enthusiastic while listening to Mr. Walker's music, too.

The Seventh Seal: I know what you're thinking! You're thinking "But Videotheque has had this movie for the longest!". Well, they (and by "they", I mean Criterion) decided their ten year old edition of the DVD was old and passe. They needed to freshen it up with a new transfer, a documentary, prettier artwork, and a Blu-Ray edition to boot.

What Goes Up: I'm going to say rent this because the person who wrote and directed is a very nice customer who comes in here. Please rent it; he'd appreciate it! (Editor's note: the local connection notwithstanding, it's great!-- Steve Coogan as big city journalist in small-town New Hampshire burg,1986-- at his witty best. Check it out!)

OTHER NEW RELEASES/NEW ARRIVALS:
Addicted to Plastic (doc)
The Bronx is Burning
Cherry Blossoms (Germany/Japan)
Crips and Bloods: Made In America (doc. by Stacy Peralta)
Crying Fist (S. Korea-- boxing/action!)
Danielson: A Family Movie (doc.)
Death Note (Japan)
Death Note II (ditto)
Derby (roller derby doc.)
Dr. Strangelove (Blu-Ray)
Favela Rising (Brazil doc.)
First Wives Club
Friday the 13th (2009)
GFE: Girlfriend Experience
Harry Potter Series (Blu-Ray)
Let's Make Money (banking industry doc.)
My Unlucky Satrs (France, with C. Deneuve)
Seraphine (France, César winner 2008-- France's Best Picture!)
The Seventh Seal (Blu-Ray)
Summer Rain (Spain, dir. A. Banderas)
Swing (dir. Tony Gatlif)
Waiting for Someone (France)
Welcome Home (Spain)
The Window (Argentina/Spain)
Wizard of Gore (Crispin Glover remake)

SO LONG, FOOLIOS:

Hope you read me again next week.

www.vidtheque.com

This is my point of view everyday at work. Now you know how it feels like to work at Videotheque!

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't preach about the glories of eating healthing while eating a cheeseburger. It just makes you look crazy.

New Releases for June 9th, or File This One Under D'aaaahhh"!

I did my good deed for the year. Saturday evening, I was walking to a friend's house for a night of steady chugalugging and good laughs with the ol' gang. About a block away from where he lives, I find this little kitten on the edge of a fence. From where it was, it was very close to falling about four feet straight onto concrete. I couldn't allow this to happen, so I grabbed the little puff and took him to my friends house. He was meowing the whole way (no doubt scared) and clinged on carefully to my shirt. I put him outside the grass outside my friend's place and fed him.
He quickly munches through his tablespoon of sponged meat. Afterwards, my friend drove me to my house to let him cool off. He promptly went on top of my cable box to warm up. I forgot about the cat the rest of the night and went back to my friends.

I got home around 1a.m. and at that point he had moved to the sofa to sleep. I grabbed my futon, rolled it out and got ready to sleep. What happens is that the little kitten comes up, demands attention, and then proceed to fall asleep by my head. Then my cat shows up from outside and is shocked to see this little thing sleeping by me. He starts to get real angry and violent.

And this point, I knew I had to give up the little guy. I forgot how territorial cats get and amidst the excitement and prospect of having a new cat, I didn't consider how my cat would feel.

I put an ad on Craig's List saying how this cat needs a person with a big heart and infinite amounts of love to bask upon this critter. No more than an hour later, I get a call from someone who's girlfriend wants the cat. They pick up the little guy, I bid farewell to the kitten and head on my way.

I got a bit nostalgic for the one day I spent my new buddy, but in the end, he's with people whom (I hope) love and care for the little guy.

I hoped you enjoyed my first blog post with out sarcasm, irony, joking around, relationship issues, or general weirdness!NEW RELEASES:
Gran Torino: This movie gets a thumbs up for having Clint Eastwood say practically every racial jab known to man. This also gets my other thumb pointing up for having him say "Get off my lawn".

The International: Tom Tykwer is back in America directing this new thriller with Clive Owen and Naomi Watts. I don't know what else to say. I'm really sorry, but nothing is coming to mind about what to write about. I'm getting a serious case of writers block. Geez, what's happening to me! You should rent this movie and tell me all about it. It might inspire me to come up with something clever.

Nicotina: My smoking support group discouraged me from watching this film. They thought I would get panic attacks and want to go back to smoking. It's so hard working in a videostore where half the movies have characters smoking cigarettes and cigars... But I need to be strong.

The Shield - Final Act: I feel bad for Michael Chiklis. After this he's going to have to find a new steady job. The problem is everyone will remember him as being that jerk from "The Shield". I wish him the best for the future!

REC SECTS:
David Carradine: Let's not focuses on how he died. Let's focus on all the awesome movies he did over the year, because in the end, that's what he'll be remembered for, right? RIGHT!? So rent some of his classics like "Boxcar Bertha", "Kill Bill", "The Serpent and the Egg", and of course, the classic television show, "Kung Fu".

OTHER NEW RELEASES:
Blur/Live 13
Brazil Revealed
Bunny Chow (South Africa)
Cash (w/ Jean "Agent OSS 117" DuJardin, France)
A Christmas Tale (w/ Catherine Deneuve, Mathieu Amalric, France)
Defiance (Blu)
Destiny (Lang)
Easybeats, Friday On My Side
Fired Up (cheerleading fun)
Five Days (BBC miniseries)
The Fox and Child (children's film from the director of "March of the Penguins", narrated in English by Kate Winslet)
Gang of Four (Dir: J Rivette, France)
The Ghost and the Darkness
The Graduate (Blu)
Home (09)
Home (09) (Blu)
I'm Telling You For the Last Time (J Seinfeld)
The It Crowd S.2 (BBC)
The Kinks/Paris Party 1965
The Monkey/The Transatlantic Feedback
The Neverending Story III
One-Chanbara (aka Chanbara Beauty, Japan)
One Hundred and One Nights (Dir. A. Varda, France)
Pay It Forward/A Walk to Remember
Razzle Dazzle (Australia)
Return of the Gladiator (Italy)
Revolutionary Road (Blu)
Scientology Training Video (no joke)
Stardust (with Keith Moon, 1974)

BYE BYE NOW!:

So long!

www.vidtheque.comMORAL OF THE WEEK:
Going to a movie is a bad idea for a first date. You can't talk to them or make any form of communication during the film. Go bowling or do something instead.

New Releases for June 2nd or I Need to Use the Restroom!

I've returned to Los Angeles after staying in hiding for a few months. Luckily, after the heavy amounts of plastic reconstruction I've had to my face and body, the police won't recognize who I am. I decided to try this online dating thing again to see what can I accomplish with my new mug.

I ended up meeting a very nice girl. She was about 5' 2'', Salvadorian descent, light brown skin, dark brown eyes, and long, straight black hair. We chatted a bit. She was currently completing her thesis on Chicano Murals of Los Angeles, she loved old computer parts, rainy days, and couldn't stand crowds.

I decided it'd be neat if we'd go for dinner and a movie (I'm a big time cheese. I know it.) and got to talking with her. We actually really hit it off and she held my attention for more than a minute. I decided, like a big time dummy, to ask her if she'd ever done this online dating thing before. She said yes. I asked her who was the last guy and what he was like. She replied by saying it was actually someone kinda big.

"Really? Who was it?"

"Well, he was recently in a movie. His name Seann William Scott"

I wasn't sure who it was, so I asked her to clarify. She mentioned he's a great comedic actor that was in "Dude? Where's My Car?" and "American Pie" and that recently he was in "Role Models". Then it hit me. He's that annoying character Stifler from the first "American Pie" movie. And that point, I actually convulsed a bit in disgust and followed that with an "OH GOD!". She smiled and said "What?". I couldn't control myself at the point and said "How could you allow yourself to go out with a cultural abomination like that chump". For the kiddies, I won't post her two worded response. She emptied out her glass of Indian iced tea on my head and left. In the end, I explained to the restaurant owner what happened and who she dated and he was nice enough to give me a bit of a discount.

At first, I felt bad, but on the way home, I felt good for two reasons.

1) I almost dated a girl who thought that Sean William Scott is cool.

2) He's as much as a loser as me. He needs to date online too.

NEW RELEASES:

Defiance: James Bond plays a character unlike James Bond in this WWII drama. I think it's worth a rental just for that.

He's Just Not That Into You: I haven't seen this, but I hate it. But I don't hate it for no reason. In fact, I have a very good reason. When the book was still hot stuff, I had a friend (lets call her "C") who was nuts in love with an other friend (lets call him "S"). Well, it just happened that "S" did not in fact like "C". "C" took this book as her bible and used every stupid male reaction as it is in the book. Well, it turned out "S" didn't like "C" for reasons the book doesn't even come close to touching upon. It was a complicated scenario. If you made it this far into the paragraph, I congratulate you for making sense of it.

Neil Young Archives Vol. 1: You can now throw away your Neil Young bootlegs you've spent the better part of your youth collecting from swap meets. He's officially releasing tons and tons of unreleased music as part of his archives collection. And yes, he wants it on DVD because DVD allows for the audio quality LP and CD just can't reproduce. You can hear (and see) his steady evolution from a high school student to world famous Canadian folkie.

Revoluntionary Road: Let's be honest. We don't like reading. In fact, I'm getting tired of reading this blog while writing it. So tired in fact, that I feel like I should nap. Not a regular king of nap. The kind of nap you would take after a heavy lunch of Mexican food and beer. Hollywood knows how you work. So they decided again that they'd go ahead and film the book for you with Leo D. and Katie W. I don't even want to read the plot synopsis. I'm just that kinda guy. I hope Hollywood makes a movie about the synopsis of the plot.

Spring Breakdown: Poor Parker Posey. I guess when she isn't doing indie films or Christopher Guest mockumentaries, she has bills to pay for. Too bad they stuck her with Amy Poehler and that girl who kinda looks like Amy Poehler for this comedy. Maybe I'm wrong. For all I know, this film could be great. You should rent it to tell me. Now I'm curious.

Une Femme Mariee: Finally someone decided to put this out! We're almost finished with owning all the official releases of Godard's sixties out put! Also, interesting note, in France, the film was supposed to be called "THE Married Woman", not "A Married Woman" but the censors though it would encourage infidelity among the citizens of France.

Weeds S.4: I'm more surprised about the advertising for this than the show itself. I'm no prude or stickler, but I was surprised to see a scantily clad woman sitting onto of a marijuana leaf. And it's not just on the cover, it's all over buses, billboards, and benches. I'm really surprised that people let that slide. I ain't complainin', though.

OTHER NEW RELEASES:
24 S.7
Adieu Philippine
All About Women
Archives of War
Being Mick
Door Into Darkness
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Escape from Sobibor
Fatso
A Girl Cut In Two
If You Are the One
Jurassic Park 3
Kepr and Dreamless
Kraftwerk and the Electric Revolution
The Last Deadly Mission
The Oldest Profession
Powder Blue
Return of the Gladiator
Shorts! V3
Ten Minutes Older
True Blood S.1 (Blu-Ray)
Two Mules for Sister Sara

Warner Archive Films:
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse
Dream Lover
Dusty and Sweets McGee
Freebie and the Bean
Made in Paris
The Rain People
Soldier in the Rain
Voices
Westbound
Wichita

Frederic Wiseman Films:
Adjustment & Work
Aspen
Ballet
Basic Training
Belfast, Maine
Blind
Canal Zone
Central Park
Comedie-francaise ou L'Amour Joue
Deaf
Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence II
Essene
High School
High School II
Juvenile Court
The Last Letter
Law and Order
Manoeuvre
Meat
Missile
Model
Multi-Handicapped
Near Death
Primate
Public Housing
Racetrack
Sinai Field Mission
State Legislature
The Store
Titicut Follies
Welfare
Zoo

REC SECTS:
Warner Archive: Warner is getting pretty lazy with their DVD releases. They started thinking it ain't cool to release "Freebie and the Bean", "The Rain People", and "Dusty and Sweets McGee" with sparkling new transfers and special features so they decided to unload these on their online archive. We picked up a few of them so you don't have to pay full price. Instead, you get to rent them for the low price of four bucks. I think it's safe to say we got the upper hand on Warner Brothers.

Frederick Wiseman: Twelve years after the introduction of the DVD format into the American marketplace, Frederick Wiseman finally thought it was a good idea to officially make some money and capitalize on the DVD craze! Pick up some classics like "Meat", "High School", and "Titicut Follies" and watch these in all their glory.

ADIEU! ADIEU!:

'til Next Time!

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Don't insult your date. It's a major turn off (or so I've been told).

I can sneek a peek at customers through our drop slot.