New Releases for August 11th, or C'mmon Baby!

So my ex has put a restraining order on me. Apparently she thinks I was stalking her! Can't it just be a coincidence that we both shop at the same market at the same time, get our prescriptions at the same pharmacy every Tuesday between 8:05-8:17 and get our nails done at the same place.

The nerve of some people! She didn't appreciate my gifts! I sent her dead skin flakes, hair I shaved off my face and my toe nail clippings. I mean seriously, what does she want!? I've always been told the best gifts are the ones you make yourself. My body made these to send to her!

In my last letter I sent her, I told her that she needs to lighten up. It's the 21st century. Her prude, crude mood doesn't fly now. Maybe if I didn't love her so much and maybe she didn't dump me for a guy with a better car I would leave her alone.

So, Marilyn, if you're reading this I want you to know that you're a horrible person and you're going to suffer courtesy of my good friend karma! Just because I can't afford a Prius doesn't mean you should've left me! We even talked about maybe getting married and starting a family, but no. NO! You do this to me. Look what you've done to me. I haven't left my apartment in a week. I'm too lazy sometimes to even use the restroom and my hair is full of grease. So please, Marilyn, baby, know that I love you and that we can start again! PLEASE!

Now let's move on to me criticizing movies I haven't seen.

NEW RELEASES:

17 Again: Wait, this has Zac Effron and Matthew Perry? I think I'll pass on this.

The Class: Someone told me that this is NOT a French version of Stand & Deliver. That's a shame because I really love Stand & Deliver. Edward James Olmos is my main man. Oh, and to you fancy types this film won the Palme D'or at Canned (I don't know what that means though. I failed French 1 three times).

Gigantic: Everyone described this movie as being quirky. I refuse to see anything that has to use the word quirky over and over again. Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo run his own recording studio and apparently anyone who use the word quirky to describe something, they have to put a dollar in a jar that later goes to buying pizza.

I Love You, Man: Judd Apatow's latest man-child comedy comes to us with my friend's seal of approval. If it's good enough for him, it must be good for all of us, right?

MORE NEW RELEASES PLUS NEW INVENTORY:

Anita O' Day: Life of Jazz Singer
Arizona Colt Returns
Blue Steel
Bukowski: The Last Straw
The Class (Blu)
Do the Right Thing (Blu)
Eagles Over London
Final Countdown
Full Grown Men
Invitation
Island of the Fishmen
Paris 36
Payment on Demand (Bette Davis, from Warner Archive)
Roselyne and the Lions (Dir: JJ Beineix)
The Valachi Papers

JEEZ!:

Right now, our roof is leaking as a result of negligence from one of the tenants who lives upstairs. If you come in and you see a giant blue tarp cover up part of France and Australia, you'll know why.

I wonder what's the big news? Oh well! Guess you're just going to have to come here and show up.

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
If you have tenants living below you, please don't ignore the fact that your toilet has been flooding. You're neighbors downstairs will hate you and want to see your head placed on a pike.