12:14

Hejdo! The weather is warming around here in SoCal, something which I am totally against. Yeah, I know, why do I live here then? Well, there's no other place on this planet where I would want to inhale noxious fumes from K's buttocks. Also, I just may have some ties down here. Naw, the weather ain't all that bad, actually this is one of the most beautiful seasons we've had. So much so that it puts me in the mood... for giving that is. So here's my cheap-ass gift to you. cha-ching!

Collateral: "EG aint shit" or something like that. Rick's gonna kill me via Tom Cruise. Mr. Cruise and Mr. Foxx star in this Mann-driven thriller about some killer! Shows the awesomeness of Mann's high-def night photography, as voted one fo the best in this month's Artforum, and undeniable languid soundtrack. But as we all know, we don't watch movies for the music. Recommended by your friendly VT staff, pick this up and see how stressed Tom Cruise can get.

Door in the Floor: This one rhymes better than mine. Oh well. Based on the Irving novel, Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger star in this despondent drama about a marriage going down the tubes. And that ain't good. It reminds me of my torrid love affair with Cloris Leachman. We were so hot and heavy and then one day she left me for Dustin Diamond. Sigh.

I Robot: If the Day After Tomorrow didn't fill your fix of CGI, this one might do the trick. Thousands, if not millions, of robots turn evil and it is up to Will "Fresh Prince" Smith to save the day. He has Jazzy Jeff by his side, but all he does is drop some phat beats. Luckily the sound waves are strong enough to nix the robots. This million dollar baby does not feature, Haley Joel Osment as rumored. It does however, do an amazing CGI job on Smith's butt.

Kitchen Stories: This bizarre and funny tale comes from Norway aboot a scientific researcher in you guessed it, a kitchen. As he strategically sits in his high chair, watching, his research keeps getting interrupted. Features cleaner kitchens than my lady friend.

This So-Called Disaster: That's I'm going to call my auto-biography. Or maybe my epitaph. We'll see. This doc documents the production of Sam Shepard's The Late Henry Moss. According to the film, Sean Penn, Nick Nolte and Woody Harrelson are all dicks. Who knew? Come see what little theater and big actors are like when their heads get hot.

We Don't Live Here Anymore: They've moved to Nantucket. Mark Ruffalo, Naomi Watts, Laura Dern and the dood from Six Feet Under star in this film about nasty infidelity. Yes, it may sound like Closer or Your Friends and Neighbors, but it's not. So get over it. I'm still curious why its given such a title? I wonder what it refers to. Could it be the emotional wreckage left behind by the characters, or did they actually move the valley? Let me know.

The Rodney Dangerfield Collection: Don't for one minute think just because I'm talking about Rodney, it means I'm gonna use his ubiquitous tagline. C'mon baby, you know I'm a little more original than that. Show some respect. Damn.

****************** See those? Those are snowflakes, which can only mean one thing. Your wallets need emptying. So, don't just blow your cash anywhere. We know your loved ones love our store and would exclaim with glee when they see that you got them a VT gift cert, or rental cert, or Shirt, or poster, or used DVDs, or new DVDs like Radiohead's The Most Gigantic Lying Mouth, or even candy.

So do us all a favor and visit us. We love your smile and miss it dearly. Now back that ass up and leave. We'll see you soon.

www.vidtheque.com