That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.

Are you like me? When I'm not being surreptitiously recorded I like to watch "Back to the Future." This weekend while I was between "Back to the Future" 2 and 3, the news came over the wire that the Universal Studios backlot was ablaze. An onion ring rolled off my lower lip as I dropped the remote and cried, "Oh, hell no!"

Then later on during a press conference a fire fighting man was listing stuff that had burned and among the things he mentioned was the clock tower and then I was definitely like, "Oh, hell no!" Then the more I thought of it, I thought, if Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's and the ride has been replaced by a Simpsons ride, who really gives a crap about the foam building from "Howard the Duck?" Then later on in a helicopter shot, I thought I saw the clock tower from behind and I thought maybe the fire fighting man was wrong, so I paused my Save the Clock Tower campaign.

Then ever since then about a half a dozen people have listed off things they heard burned and they always tell me it was King Kong and New York Street and a video vault filled with a lotta lotta video treasures and the clock tower. So now I'm thinking maybe it did burn. Either way, R.I.P. clock tower that was in "Back to the Future(s)" and "Gremlins" and "Howard the Duck" and some other movies. R.I.P. video vault with priceless artifacts of the past. R.I.P. New York Street, "Dick Tracy" was okay. And "King Kong" exhibit, you were a crazy monkey terrorizing tourists and I think your movies were lame. I'm sorry you had to go out like that and I'm sure your first movie was pretty amazing to old timers back in the day, but your more recent movie, I don't know... there were dinosaurs on that island, too, and nobody even paid any note of the dinosaurs. I think that's much more fascinating than a giant monkey. That's newsworthy; dinosaurs. Giant monkeys; I don't know. And then Jack Black saying, "'tis beauty that killed the beast," is like the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't need that. I mean, taking the beast out of the jungle and into Manhattan is what killed the beast. But I digress.

Oooh ... shiny stuff I forgot 5/27:

CASSANDRA'S DREAM: Woody Allen is at it again with a new movie with big stars with fluffy hair makin' with the gunplay. Sometime after "Husbands and Wives" came out I fell off the Woody Allen bandwagon, not that I was really on it to begin with, but after that I was definitely not on it. But much to my surprise, my informants who work at the 'theque tell me that old Allen's got a cult following with the youngsters. I did not know that, nor do I understand why, but never the less, here's some new Allen action with the likes of Ewen McGregor and Colin Farrell. Come and get it, kids!

GRACE IS GONE: Grace's favorite new movie is here! This is a Jack Cusack vehicle and this time he's serious as a wrinkled old version of himself who lies to his kids about what's up with mom in Iraq. It's very serious. Come and get it, kids!

Oooh ... shiny stuff 6/03:

BIG RIG: This new eye-opening documentary is all about the giant big rigs that roam the highways and bi-ways. Willie Nelson has a chain of gas stations that serve bio-diesel. This doc has nothing to do with that. I'm jus' sayin'. Willie Nelson was in "Thief". "Thief" is good.

BOARDING GATE: This new thriller has Asia Argento in her underwear on the cover. The tag line says, "She's losing control again," which I think is an indirect Joy Division reference. Michael Madsen is also in this so it must be good.

CONTROL: I think the title of this film is a direct Joy Division reference. Ian Curtis proved a theory I had about fame, which is that when you commit suicide, more people will watch "Stroszek" than would've watched it otherwise.

THE EYE: Back when Rick had his recommended section of Jessica Alba movies, I got Alba-lash, partly due to the fact that she offended my best and only friend Nick back when they were in high school together and his giant backpack knocked her on her a**, and she got up and was like, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I WAS IN FLIPPER!!!" That's why I haven't seen this PG-13 horror remake. But if Alba never snapped at your buddy, I encourage you to check it out.

FLAWLESS: Careful. I know what you're thinking. "Robert DeNiro and Philip Seymour Hoffman, I love that movie!" Wrong! This is a remake of that film, this time with Michael Caine and Demi Moore with Demi Moore in the Philip Seymour Hoffman role. And no there's no discount if you saw the first one.

MEET THE SPARTANS: I only looked at the cover of this one, it looks like the old satires of yesteryear like "Scary Movie" and "Not Another Teen Movie," with folks dressed up like those guys in "300." Boy am I glad that movie ended.

THE ONION MOVIE: This movie is like the old satires of yesterday's news. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I have it on good authority from a hero in the wildlife community that this film is fantastic.

RESCUE ME - SEASON 4: Some people don't like Denis Leary 'cause he smokes and curses a lot, but I like him because he wrote a song about me in the early 90's. I don't watch a lot of episodic television, but one time I was visiting my brother in prison and he highly recommended this series and I've watched every season. Among other things that Leary deals with in this season is the fact that his daughter is 18 and she can date whoever she wants because she's legal and it's legal to date whoever you want when you're 18. Like for example, if she was in love with an older guy, it would be legal for her to date him.

SEMI-PRO: So, the thing is this, um, yeah, every now and then my girlfriend and her boyfriend drag me to the movies. They dragged me to this one. The only reason I go really is 'cause the boyfriend pays. This Will Ferrell gem where he co-stars with Andre 3000 and Woody from "Cheers" made me long for the old days when I was watching "Anchorman."

WEEDS - SEASON 3: This "Weeds" season 3 is no "Rescue Me" Season 4. Just kidding, I don't watch this or "Saving Grace" 'cause they glorify drug use. But if I had to watch something that glorifies drug use, I'd watch this 'cause Mary-Louise Parker is in it and her nose moves when she talks, which would be fun to watch whilst stoned.

Oooh ... other shiny stuff:

ABSENCE OF MALICE
BOBBY DEERFIELD
SHORT CIRCUIT

Oooh ... shiny recommendations:

Are you like me? When I'm not being surreptitiously recorded, I like to watch "Three Days of the Condor." This weekend while I was between "Three Days of the Condor" and "They Shoot Horses Don't They?" the news came over the wire that Sydney Pollack was deceased on account of the old cancer. A piece of fried zucchini rolled off my lower lip as I dropped the remote and cried, "Oh, hell no!", so as a result to thank Mr. Pollack for his career of fine cinema and as a symbolic F you to cancer, we've compiled a recommended section of Sydney Pollack movies by moving the Sydney Pollack section a whole 15 feet and across the aisle. F you cancer.

Mario's pix Blue is Beautiful: So, um, yeah, the thing is this, you see, Mario wasn't here, but we needed to secure the dude some shelfspace so Chuck and I put a bunch of movies in his section that had "Blue" in the title. Since he's been back, he hasn't touched them. So it's difficult at this time to tell whether or not his original vision has been corrupted.

France Gall's pix Une femme... ce n'est pas complique, c'est subtil: Again, I flunked out of French class because I kept pronouncing the "P" wrong whenever we sang, "Aux Champs Elysee," so I can only speculate as to what her section is, based upon the fine cinema on the shelf, because I'm embarrassed to ask her in person. You should speculate on your own by spinning by the 'theque, but check the negativity at the door.

Rick's pix I love New York in June: You see, you've got these cats over here and these cats over there and then there was Rick who was one strange cat. One day this past week, Rick shaved his head and said something about being the first monkey shot into space and then he put up this section and left and we haven't seen him since. We're hoping it's permanent, but we're a little worried he'll be back in July.

So, to recap this week's blog, F you cancer!

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