In this life you'll meet a lot of jerks.

When I'm not receiving morality lectures from people who don't know me very well, I like to open the mail. We gotted another letter from Rick. None of us went to Laughlin to pick him up 'cause he didn't include directions or a return address on his post card. His letter read as follows:

"Dear Greenhorn,
When crossing the street, you only need to press the crosswalk button once. It's not a contest to see who can press the button the most.
Your pal, Rick.
P.S. On my way to Area 51 to see if the gopher from 'Caddyshack' is still there after starring in the latest Indiana Jones movie.
P.P.S. Have plans to shake hands with danger. If you never hear from me again, that is why.
P.P.P.S. 'Bad Influence' goes in Action."

SHOW STOPPERS 06/24

10,000 B.C.: So, I saw "Land of the Lost" and "Clan of the Cave Bear" and for some reason that wasn't enough of a lesson for me, so like a chump I threw this one in the ol' DVD player. Roland Emmerich, the man who brought you "Independence Day" and "What's-It-Called" brings you this fine film. I'm not sure when exactly it takes place. Possibly the early 1950s. Apparently through much research they figured out that the cave peoples spoke English and sounded like they were reading their lines. So if you like to see people you can't sympathize with hunt oversized CGI animals, you are in for a treat!

BELLE TOUJOURS: In my day-per-page Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar there's a belle du jours every jours. Oh snap! I don't know what I'm talking about, I'll read the cover. Hold on...

Oh ... I wasn't far off. Manoel de Oliveira's homage to Bunuel's 1967 erotic masterpiece "Belle de Jour." See, that's how you get a blog like this, by knowing what things mean even when you don't know what they mean. Mmmm ... eroticism.

BONNEVILLE: It's usually a good sign when a movie is named after a car, I mean look at "Pontiac Moon" and "Christine" and "Dodgeball." All good movies. Warm weather is just about the greatest thing ever. What was I talking about? Goodnight, Dallas! Anywhoo ... Yeah. The thing is this ... Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, and Joan Allen star in this strangely-derivative-of-"Thelma and Louise" road movie that will make you laugh and make you cry and make you wonder if filming this movie was a good use of dwindling fossil fuels. Ya dig? Fo' sho'.

CHARLIE BARTLETT: Sometimes in life you have to accept the possibility that kids who watched "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" will grow up, have a sustained love affair with some sweet, sweet anti-depressants and go on to make movies with cinematographers who aren't quite as skilled as Tak Fujimoto.

DEFINITELY, MAYBE: You and I, we're gonna live forever. So, um, yeah, the thing is this, you see, Ryan Reynolds plays Jack Cusack in this film about a guy explaining to the girl from "Little Miss Sunshine" why mommie and daddie don't like each other anymore. I remember when I had the same talk with my dad where he explained that he and my mom were getting a divorce and that it was my fault.

HONEYDRIPPER: When I'm not walking around with my chest stuck out to impress people with my pseudo-manliness, I like to watch films by John Sayles. This John Sayles movie is no different. It's rural Alabama in the 1950s and people are picking cotton during the day in brand new clothes right off the rack and then going to the club at night, still in brand new clothes on real neat sets. It's neat. It's all neat. If you like things that are neat, sometimes too neat, almost unrealistically neat, you'll enjoy this one. I know I did! Mmmm ... honey.

IN BRUGES: Colin Farrell's my home boy and has been since "Ballykissangel" so my intent was to watch this one, especially since this is the latest movie that nobody knows how to pronounce but everybody wants to watch, but I mismanaged my time, what with all the morality lectures, and mail, and walking around with my chest stuck out and I can't forget, Goodnight, Dallas, the warm weather, so I missed this one, but my uncle told me that someone in it climbs up a tower after losing a lot of blood and Chuck told me that it's weird so I can't wait to see it one day when I'm able to manage my time better, which will be never.

PERSEPOLIS: I felt somewhat of a duty to watch this one 'cause it's the latest movie that nobody knows how to pronounce but everybody wants to watch, but I didn't watch it 'cause in the commercial this girl was singing "Eye of the Tiger" out of key and I was like, "Man, if that's a highlight of the movie, what else must happen in it? Later for that, yo's!" But if you don't judge a movie by its trailer or don't mind "Eye of the Tiger" you must watch this. Watch it now!

THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES: My tolerance for Freddie Highmore was tested to such an extent during "August Rush" that I've got Freddie Highmore-lash, but if you liked "The Chronicles of Narnia," "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," "Prince Caspian," "Harry Potter and the Gobbles of Fire," "The Golden Compass," "Harry Potter und die Kammer des Schreckens," "Bridge to Terabithia," "Harry Potter and the Order of Joaquin Phoenix," "Lord of the Rings," basically any movie with a wand in it, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Zelda," "Ratcatcher," "Ali: Fear Eats the Soul," and every Woody Allen movie ever made, you'll probably slug your best buddy to get your mitts on this magic!

UNDER THE SAME MOON: I think that the title of this film makes a good point. A young boy in Mexico is being taken care of by his grandmother while his mom works illegally in the U.S., but when his grandmother passes away he goes on a journey to find his mother. The point being that there ain't no mountain ... errr ... border high enough.

OTHER SHOW STOPPERS:

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
THE ANGELIC CONVERSATION
BLACK RAIN
BLUE
THE BRANDON TEENA STORY
CARAVAGGIO
CHOKING MAN
FINISHING THE GAME
JOY DIVISION
THE LATHER EFFECT
RUN LOLA RUN (BLU-RAY)
STEEP
WITTGENSTEIN
YOU THINK YOU REALLY KNOW ME - THE GARY WILSON STORY
ZAPPA PLAYS ZAPPA

www.vidtheque.com

...and that's why a high speed train between San Diego, L.A., and San Francisco would be a good thing.