When people aren't trying to beat me walking crossing the street with their big honkin' car so they don't have to wait for 10 seconds in the comfort of their car while I cross, they often ask me, they ask, "Say, M.F. Luder, what did you do this weekend?" Well my answer to that is simple...
I went spelunking, but on the outside of mountains, which I think is what you call, how do you say ... ah, yes ... mountain climbing. Anywhoo, I went hiking with my wife Eve 6 and our 17-year-old daughter Eve 10.
Once we got to the tippy, tippy top of the mountain, I accidentally slipped and fell and plunged to my death. I am blogging posthumously. Anywhoo, you got these cats over here and these cats over there, and these cats at the Fresno Bee picked up on the story and the title of the article was supposed to be, "Climber Plunged to His Death," but there was a typo and they mistakenly titled the article, "Climber Plunged to Death."
Then a major network news magazine show did a whole expose about the dangers of toilet plungers and everyone thinks I got plunged to death, which isn't cool, when plunging to your death is cool, which is what I did. But when you're dead, you can't correct this sh**. You just have to sit here and take it.
In unrelated news, I heard today that Christina Applegate had her boobies removed 'cause of the big C. Damn you big C! Now, I would just like to relay a personal note to Christina.
Ahem.
Christina, back when I went to a taping of "Married with Children" in the mid-90's, I felt that you and I shared a moment when you were between takes and I was sitting in the audience like a chump. You looked at me, like, I don't know, like maybe we had this connection.
I think "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" is good and aging much more gracefully than that other babysitter movie, which we won't mention by name.
Also, "The Sweetest Thing" I thought was off the heazzzy fo' sheezzzy. It was sick, I'm not denying that, but that sickness appealed to me.
Boobs or no boobs or fake boobs you will always be my dream girl. You can take that to the bank, girlfriend.
And now a personal note to the big C.
Ahem.
F you big C!
These comments about boobies do not reflect the views of Videotheque or its staff, and you can't complain to me about it 'cause I got plunged to death, so you're gonna have to tough it out, you damn sensitive types.
NEW RELEASES 08/19:
Today is Chris' birthday. His name starts out the same as Christina's.
DANA CARVEY: SQUATTING MONKEYS TELL NO LIES: I missed this one on account of the plunging incident, but I wish I could watch it. You can watch it 'cause you are alive. You shouldn't take that for granted, either.
DEXTER - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show but a lot of peeps recommended it to me before I got plunged. Apparently it's about a socially acceptable serial killer so people are really identifying 'cause they like murder so much. I'm just going to take a moment to lecture here ... uh ... when people get killed, they're dead and that's permanent.
HOUSE, M.D. - SEASON 4: So, um, yeah, the thing is this, I haven't seen this either, but from what I'm gathering, this guy patches up people, like Patch Adams. Boy, did that movie suck. Anywhoo, so this guy is like the opposite of Dexter. I have a crush on him 'cause he doesn't shave and walks around with a cane and a permanent limp, but he's a benevolent jerk, which is endearing. Get into it, buddy!
MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY: I haven't seen this either, but it stars Junebug and the woman from "Fargo" who is the only rational person in the movie ... in "Fargo," I don't know if she's rational in this one.
PROM NIGHT: I haven't seen this one either, and I probably won't 'cause there was no place to park when they were filming, which made me sad. 'Cause after a long day of speeding through crosswalks to beat pedestrians so I don't have to wait 10 seconds, I like a place to park my ride. It also made me sad 'cause I couldn't shop at Puff while they were filming. And you'll notice that Puff is singular and not plural.
QUID PRO QUO: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause it looks dramatic and I like the drama 'cause it helps me to forget about how tough I've got it. I also like squids and pros and the status quo, so it looks like it's right up my alley.
RECOUNT: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause I think Sidney Pollack was going to make it if it weren't for the big C! F you, big C! Kevin "Floppy Hat" Spacey stars or something. I think it's fun to watch movies about how your vote doesn't count, so you feel extree marginalized.
THE SMALL BACK ROOM: I haven't seen this either, but it's new from Criterion. A 1949 Powell and Pressburger which sounds like it might make a good double feature with "Recount". I personally prefer a big back room where possible, especially if I'm recounting.
COMEDY CENTRAL'S TV FUNHOUSE: I haven't seen this either, but I would like to, 'cause I like to laugh, 'cause it helps me forget the pain I feel when for example, if I've written a bad blog.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Christina, I would also like to stress that I think you are way better than Christina Aguilera, even though she was in "Shine a Light."
All My Good Countrymen
Big Dreams, Little Tokyo
James Brown Live at the Apollo '68
James Brown Live at the Boston Garden + The Night James Brown Saved Boston
Down the Tracks: The Music That Influenced Bob Dylan
Marco Ferreri: The Collection
Foyle's War - Set 5
How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer
Lone Wolf McQuade
Paint Your Wagon
Priceless
Secret Sunshine
Sister Street Fighter + Sister Street Fighter II (Blu-ray)
Watching the Detectives
X-Ray Visions
www.vidtheque.com
...I have a lot of love to give, Christina.
I went spelunking, but on the outside of mountains, which I think is what you call, how do you say ... ah, yes ... mountain climbing. Anywhoo, I went hiking with my wife Eve 6 and our 17-year-old daughter Eve 10.
Once we got to the tippy, tippy top of the mountain, I accidentally slipped and fell and plunged to my death. I am blogging posthumously. Anywhoo, you got these cats over here and these cats over there, and these cats at the Fresno Bee picked up on the story and the title of the article was supposed to be, "Climber Plunged to His Death," but there was a typo and they mistakenly titled the article, "Climber Plunged to Death."
Then a major network news magazine show did a whole expose about the dangers of toilet plungers and everyone thinks I got plunged to death, which isn't cool, when plunging to your death is cool, which is what I did. But when you're dead, you can't correct this sh**. You just have to sit here and take it.
In unrelated news, I heard today that Christina Applegate had her boobies removed 'cause of the big C. Damn you big C! Now, I would just like to relay a personal note to Christina.
Ahem.
Christina, back when I went to a taping of "Married with Children" in the mid-90's, I felt that you and I shared a moment when you were between takes and I was sitting in the audience like a chump. You looked at me, like, I don't know, like maybe we had this connection.
I think "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" is good and aging much more gracefully than that other babysitter movie, which we won't mention by name.
Also, "The Sweetest Thing" I thought was off the heazzzy fo' sheezzzy. It was sick, I'm not denying that, but that sickness appealed to me.
Boobs or no boobs or fake boobs you will always be my dream girl. You can take that to the bank, girlfriend.
And now a personal note to the big C.
Ahem.
F you big C!
These comments about boobies do not reflect the views of Videotheque or its staff, and you can't complain to me about it 'cause I got plunged to death, so you're gonna have to tough it out, you damn sensitive types.
NEW RELEASES 08/19:
Today is Chris' birthday. His name starts out the same as Christina's.
DANA CARVEY: SQUATTING MONKEYS TELL NO LIES: I missed this one on account of the plunging incident, but I wish I could watch it. You can watch it 'cause you are alive. You shouldn't take that for granted, either.
DEXTER - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show but a lot of peeps recommended it to me before I got plunged. Apparently it's about a socially acceptable serial killer so people are really identifying 'cause they like murder so much. I'm just going to take a moment to lecture here ... uh ... when people get killed, they're dead and that's permanent.
HOUSE, M.D. - SEASON 4: So, um, yeah, the thing is this, I haven't seen this either, but from what I'm gathering, this guy patches up people, like Patch Adams. Boy, did that movie suck. Anywhoo, so this guy is like the opposite of Dexter. I have a crush on him 'cause he doesn't shave and walks around with a cane and a permanent limp, but he's a benevolent jerk, which is endearing. Get into it, buddy!
MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY: I haven't seen this either, but it stars Junebug and the woman from "Fargo" who is the only rational person in the movie ... in "Fargo," I don't know if she's rational in this one.
PROM NIGHT: I haven't seen this one either, and I probably won't 'cause there was no place to park when they were filming, which made me sad. 'Cause after a long day of speeding through crosswalks to beat pedestrians so I don't have to wait 10 seconds, I like a place to park my ride. It also made me sad 'cause I couldn't shop at Puff while they were filming. And you'll notice that Puff is singular and not plural.
QUID PRO QUO: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause it looks dramatic and I like the drama 'cause it helps me to forget about how tough I've got it. I also like squids and pros and the status quo, so it looks like it's right up my alley.
RECOUNT: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause I think Sidney Pollack was going to make it if it weren't for the big C! F you, big C! Kevin "Floppy Hat" Spacey stars or something. I think it's fun to watch movies about how your vote doesn't count, so you feel extree marginalized.
THE SMALL BACK ROOM: I haven't seen this either, but it's new from Criterion. A 1949 Powell and Pressburger which sounds like it might make a good double feature with "Recount". I personally prefer a big back room where possible, especially if I'm recounting.
COMEDY CENTRAL'S TV FUNHOUSE: I haven't seen this either, but I would like to, 'cause I like to laugh, 'cause it helps me forget the pain I feel when for example, if I've written a bad blog.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Christina, I would also like to stress that I think you are way better than Christina Aguilera, even though she was in "Shine a Light."
All My Good Countrymen
Big Dreams, Little Tokyo
James Brown Live at the Apollo '68
James Brown Live at the Boston Garden + The Night James Brown Saved Boston
Down the Tracks: The Music That Influenced Bob Dylan
Marco Ferreri: The Collection
Foyle's War - Set 5
How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer
Lone Wolf McQuade
Paint Your Wagon
Priceless
Secret Sunshine
Sister Street Fighter + Sister Street Fighter II (Blu-ray)
Watching the Detectives
X-Ray Visions
www.vidtheque.com
...I have a lot of love to give, Christina.
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