New Releases for April 28th, or I Don't Know What Else To Say...

I have to make a confession. Outside of these blogs and working at the Vidyatheque, I have a life. I know, I know. I can't believe it myself. Well, the other day, I hopped on the Redline toward Little Tokyo for the prospect of buying cheap Kirin-Ichiban. While at the market, I spotted Gourmet Cheetoes from Japan. I first thought mine eyes had deceived me, but no, it was real. It was truly a gift from the Zeus himself, wrapped in a Polymer bag.

Alright, so let me be honest for once. Cheetoes aren't that great. I really got these for the novelty aspect. I was very much pleaseatly surprised when these didn't just taste like cheese powder and sodium. This actually had an odd taste to them. It was just a little bit sweet but had an actual cheese taste to it. The texture was completley different to an American Cheetoe. It was a little bit softer than the one from here. It wasn't bad, just different. I still like my chips to have a very strong crunch to them. It's what makes a good chip. If you ever happen to stumble upon these babies, I say you buy it and eat it. It was a little bit pricy, but it truly was a good bag of Cheetoes.

NEU RELEASES:

Bride Wars: My dream since I was a young boy was to become a bride. Since California voted yes on prop 8, this isn't going to happen. Why is it that California, a state that claims to be liberal, won't let me marry and voted for Schwarzenegger twice? Huh!? Why is that!?

Empire of Passion: This movie combines a couple of my favorite cinematic elements: sex and ghosts. Is there any more of a reason to get this film?

A Grin Without a Cat: Remember when people use to not be so apathetic toward world situations or political issues? I would, but I just don't care enough. This is one of those political films, but really, who cares? What you should care about is this: the possible appearance of cats in the film.

The Hit: When I heard "The Hit", I thought it was going to be a movie about stoners trying to buy a new bong. Zing! Just kidding! It's actually a pretty cool crime film with Terrance Stamp, Tim Roth, and John Hurt being cool guys who do cool stuff like kill Australians. There's also a small role by Bunuel alum, Fernando Rey.

Hotel for Dogs: The madness continues. Following in the tradition of Benji, Marley & Me, Space Buddies, Snow Buddies, Air Buddies, Santa Buddies, Rin-Tin-Tin, Cats & Dogs, Beverly Hills Chihuahua and Beethoven comes a movie about dogs. I've never seen a dog movie before. Also, the pack cover specifically mentions the film being "heart-warming". They could've used this for a golden dog related pun. They should've put "heart-worming" instead. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartworm

In the Realm of the Senses: No longer do you have to go on eBay and cough up a hundred bucks for a poor looking, non-anamorphic transfer of this infamous film! Finally, it has a decent release, on Criterion less! Why does this new edition get my seal of approval? It no longer has the Madonna quote saying "[It] turns me on because it's real". If you want to get turned on by unsimulated sex, I suggest looking else where, Ms. Madonna.

Johnny Got His Gun: A regular customer came in and was shocked and glad to hear that this was coming out. He said Videots had two copies, both were stolen and never replaced. Now, it's finally being bestowed upon man once again; encased in a disc with the diameter of 4.72 inches. This film has been suppressed for years because of it's pinko/commie viewpoint on war. Being a staunch Facist, I automatically hate this film. This shouldn't stop you from watching it. And for metal heads, there's a music video for Metallica's "One". I'm not sure what the context is to the film, but it's on the disc.

OTHER NEU RELEASES:

Alexandra
Cargo 200
City of Living Dead
Cold Eyes of Fear
Craving Desire
Danger UXB
Deadly Sweet
Exposed
Forever
Killer at Large
Mr. Deeds
O Amor Natural
Perfume of Yvonne
Red Cliff
Red Cliff II
Red Cliff II (Blu)
Revenge of the Crusader
Saint Francis
Scott Walker: 30th Century Man
Top Girl
Yella

THAT IS IT FOR THIS WEEK'S INSTALLMENT OF THE BLOG:

Peace!

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Violence doesn't solve anything unless you hit the other guy harder.


I'm not sure what this photo means, but it feels right.

New Releases for April 21st, or Hachi Machi!

When I was taking arts 'n' crafts in elementary school I loved writing poetry. I'm a sentimental sort of guy, so I decided to write a poem in the style I would've writen it in elementary school. Enjoy! (This also gives me a chance to use big words I never use)

Voluptious
Idiosyncratic
Dynamic
Emotional
Ostentatious
Tender
Heart-warming
Eloquent
Quintessential
Ubiquitous
Electric
NEW RELEASES: Battlestar Galactica: Caprica: I remember when sci-fi was made for those select few who had no problem being anti-social and being comfortable with the fact they'll never touch the skin of someone of the opposite sex. Now all the sudden sci-fi is the i"t" thing. It's what's happening. It's what all the hipsters and beatniks are talking about. I blame the dumb appeal of geek chic, but I like to blame others; I'm not one to take responsibility (that's probably why the government took my children away). Now it doesn't just stop with the Battlestar Galactica with Mr. Edward James Olmos. Now we have a spin-off. There was an ad inside the case saying how it's not only a spinoff movie, but it's going to be a whole new series. I'm sure all the fans of the show are going to go nuts over this, so I shouldn't even describe it (but when do I describe the movie?).

Frost/Nixon: Ol' man Nixon just won't go away. You figure he's someone the people of America would've pushed him out of our collective memory. Off the top of my head, I can think of Nixon in "All the President's Men", "Dick", "Secret Honor", "Nixon", and "The Assassination of Richard Nixon", not to mention the countless parodies of him in episodes of "The Simpsons". Too much of ol' Tricky Dick if ya ask me! Jeez, I hope it doesn't end up this way with Bush. "W" was bad enough! We need more movies about Grover Cleveland, I say!

Glass: A Portrait of Philip in Twelve Parts: Philip Glass is interesting. He's worked with people as diverse as John Cage, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, and Errol Morris. Does that make his music good? Well, taste is subjective...

Notorious: At first I though this was a hip-hop version of the Hitchcock remake, and instead of the U.S. versus the Nazis, this would be the Crips versus the Bloods. I was right, to an extent. I haven't seen this film, but something tells me it would make a great double-feature with "Biggie & Tupac", Nick Broomfield's excellent documentary about the conspiracy behind their murders.

The Pervert's Guide to Cinema: At last! A guide to find all the sexy moments in movies! Radical! Wait... what? Who's this bearded "Zizek" fellow and where are my ta-ta's? Wait, he's a philosopher? Whadda ya mean the title is being ironic? Damn you, DVD! Fooled again!

Science is Fiction: 23 Films by Jean Painleve: I can now say, the pigeon, an animal I once hated with a passion, I now admire with an unending love. Mine eyes were open curtorsy of Mr. Jean Painleve, a filmmaker/scientist/surrealist, who, in these twenty-three short films, showed me the beauty behind the common street pigeon, the bat, the pregnant male seahorse, and the ordeals of being a shrimp. I hope you rent this and it opens your eyes in an almost religious experience. I know mine was.

The Wrestler: I think I should confess something. When I was a kid, I was the typical boy in the sense that I loved wrestling. I don't mean real wrestling. I mean, Macho Man Randy Savage kind of wrestling. I remember taking out my SNES and playing Wrestlemania afterschool. I remember all the wrestlers like Doink, Yokozuna, Bret Hart, The Undertaker, and so on. I even remember when each wrestler had their own manager, too. Specifically, I remember The Undertaker's manager was Paul Bearer, who had a tremendous falceto. Now, we've grown up, and so have the wrestlers. Apparently, when you grow up, all the fun out of wrestling dies with age. Or so this film leads me to believe. Also, this is the only film that plays "Round and Round" by Rat Attack. Also, Marisa Tomei walks around topless have the time, so for you perverts, there's something for you, too.

MORE NEW RELEASES:
The 10th Kingdom
America Betrayed
The Country Teacher
Frost/Nixon (Blu)
J'Accuse
Kavanagh Q.C.: Mute of Malice
The Last Word
The Little Mermaid II
Minnie & Moskovitz
Nickelodeon/The Last Picture Show
Only the Valian
Sin City (Blu)
The Wages of Fear (Blu)
The Wrestler (Blu)

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

Mark A's Dancing With Myself: Mark has been forgetting to take his schizophrenia medicine, so he's constanly thinking he has a twin named Kram coming after him. I just think that guy is crazy! Well, in a state of schizophrenic paranoia, he made a section devote to movies where characters either have alter-egos or twins; movies like "Dead Ringers", "The Double Life of Veronique", or " New York Minute".

GRACE AGAINST AIDS:

Ms. Gleason is continuing her fight against AIDS. While she trains for the big marathon, now may be a good time to pick up a donation form and support her fight against AIDS! She also has a little jug on the counter just asking for your kind donations. Will you do this jug some honor and donate your loose change!?

VIDEOTHEQUE MOVIE TRIVIA:

What do the following films have in common:
John Ford's "The Horse Solider"
John Huston's "The Red Badge of Courage"
Sergio Leone's "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"
Buster Keaton's "The General"
D.W. Griffith's "The Birth of a Nation"

Now the question. Do you win a prize. You do, sort of. You know you have the gift to pull movie trivia out of your head, and we all know that's the greatest gift of all.


WE LOVE YOU, BUT WE NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK:

Sayonara!

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
Love is a many splendored thing. Splendored things tend to cost money. Unless you have the money, I wouldn't fall in love any time soon!

It's hot as a mofo out there, so come in and enjoy our refreshing air conditioning unit!

New Releases for April 14th, 2009 or Pardon me, But There's a DVD In My Soup!

I got a letter in the mail. After the whole anthrax ordeal of 2001, I've been scared to open anonymous letters, but something compelled me to give this one a shot. Let me share it with you fine folks:

Dear Videotheque, How are you doing? I saw you from the street the other day and saw your front. You've aged. Then I began to think about it, and I've aged along with you. I know younger the youthful lad I once was. I remember my biggest concern was how many hours of video game time I can fit in before sleeping or how many girls I can kiss. Now I have three kids, alimony to pay, college tuitions to pay, and I have to pay for my poor mother's clinic bills. A man wiser than myself once said that "heaven is a place where nothing ever happens". I'm starting to think that's not so bad. But enough about me! How are you doing? How are thye kids? Oh wait, you're a buisness! Buisness are not living creatures, thus they can't reproduce. My mistake! So... you guys have "Frost/Nixon" yet? That movie was off the hoo... oh, it comes out next week I see. Nevermind. Let me think of something to talk about. Hmm... hmm... Oh! So did you hear the news!? Phil Spector was convicted of 2nd degree murder. Poor guy apparently has alcohol problems, and quit months before the infamous murder. Sadly, two weeks before the incident, he got in an awful car crash and out of shock turned to the bottle. I'll always remember him for "Be My Baby". That's a good song. You've ever seen "Mean Streets"? They play that song in the start. My girlfriend Stephanie sends her regards. She said she misses you guys very much. I miss you guys too. Since I left South Pasadena, I feel there's a hole in my soul. I've tried filling it with drugs, women, excersize, booze, you name it, but it continues to stay empty. I think that hole is where Videotheque was once was... Well, until next time! I send my love! -Anonymous Customer

NEW RELEASES:

American Swing: I like movies about swing dancing. I especially like "Swing Time", though they don't really swing dance in that. What ever this movie is about, as long as it has some really nice dance numbers! Wait, hold on a sec. My co-worker just imformed me that this particular film is not about dancing but instead about "swingers". Whatever a "swinger" is, all I know is that I really liked that Vince Vaughn movies "Swingers", so by default I should like this!

House of Saddam: Saddam Hussein? More like So-Damn Insane! Hahaha... Okay, that wasn't my joke. I stole it from a mediocre episode of The Simpsons. The important thing is this: you should rent this just to spite me and my poor idea of humor.

The Reader: I wish I could read up a synopsis for this film, but I can't read. Infact, I really don't write this blog. I dictate it to a monkey who types it for me.

The Skins Vol. 2: I don't advocate this show. The idea that teenagers that are still practically babies are getting into the act of making babies themselves. Remember how melodramatic your high school years overseas in England were? You should rent this just to relive all those awesome memories like going to prom with your dream girl only to have her leave with Scott McIntosh, captain of the varsity football team. I'll never forgive him... I mean... That never happened to me. Forget it! Forget it! Let's move onto the next new release...

The Spirit: You know what they haven't made in a while? A comic book to movie adaptation. I'm sure if they were to make one, Hollywood would make some big bucks. Big time bucks. Ultra big time bucks. They should make some World War II films while they're at it, too. I don't think anyones done that yet, no?

MORE AND MORE AND MORE:
Blue Gold
Forgiving Dr. Mengele
Miroir Noir
No Regret
Obscene
Runaway Train
Ruthless People
Stephen Hawking and the Theory of Everything
Tintin Cartoon Collection
Things Are Tough All Over

REC SECTS: Grace's Numbers: Grace is currently finishing up her defree in astrophysics by putting up a section dedicated to numbers. Here you'll find films like "1984", "1900", "8 1/2", "15", and even mathematical constants like "π".

And Women's History Month was last month, so we took down the section. Sorry ladies!

NEWS FROM THE VIDYATHEQUE:
Our very own Grace Gleason will be, out of the pure kindness of her heart, be running an AIDS marathon this coming Fall! If your heart is as kind as her's and you want to help stop AIDS while she stays fit, come inside and pick up a donation application. And if you're a cheapskate, hey, you can use the donation as a tax ride-off. You save folks against AIDS and save money! Talk about win win if you ask me!

Also, I keep meaning to bring this up, but to all of you folks who are unemployed, like myself, come in a drop by Wednesdays, cuz if you rent two movies or more, you save yourself two American dollars. Those two dollars can go toward two bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetoes! Sweet deal, huh?

THAT'S ALL FO' DIS WEEK:

www.vidtheque.com

MORAL OF THE WEEK:
No matter what the other kids may say; you're not ugly. It's what's in the inside that counts!

My heart broke this week when it turned out my photo taking device isn't working properly. I'll have a new photo next week. For now, enjoy this atrocity.

New Releases for April 7th, 2009 or My God! What Have I Done!?

Dear Blog,

How are you doing?...Uh huh... Yeah...? That's good to hear! My week has been weird, too! I'm having so many problems at school. I remember when I use wear the same clothes everyday, the kids would call me stinky. Now that I change my underwear and shirts everyday, they call me a "poseur". They say "You're just trying to be like the cool kids, cuz all the cool kids wear clean clothes". They even have a club called "The Clean Clothes Kidz Klub" or CCKK for short. I tried signing up and the teacher in charge just spit on my face. I can't believe Uncle Barry would do that to me!

And to top all that off, the Sadie Hopkins dance is coming up. I tried asking the guy who works at Videotheque out, but he said something about "statutory drapes" or something like that. I've been deciding between either Jimmy Howorth or David Chu. Jimmy is so cute when I see him playing his Nintendo DS behind the bungalows to avoid getting whaled on. And David, he's just as cute when I see him alphabetizing his Magic the Gathering cards in Spanish 1A.

Oh, blog, what do I do! WHAT DO I DO!?
Sincerly,
Girl

ROVER'S LAST BARK: Part 1
by Videotheque

If I were a sociologist or a anthropologist or a paleontologist or a proctologist or some sort of ologist, I'm sure I could make a grip loud of cash by studying people's renting habits. I noticed there are a couple things people go nuts for those are film noirs, dogs, and documentaries about the oil crisis. I've decided to write a short story to capitalize on all of this. I hope you enjoy it. This is just part one. Stay turned for more! (If you are a rich and powerful film producer who would like to pay me money to make this a film, I won't turn it down)

My name is Rover, a Jack Terrier. I'm a detective. Well, I'm a part time detective. When my masters aren't busy walking me and picking up the mess I leave in the side walk, I solve crimes. I saw an episode of Columbo once in my pack leader's living room and thought "I could do this!". I use to solve all sorts of crimes. Bird murders, bones being stolen, or even the illicit cat burglarar. I've done it all.

The problem is I'm not as young as I use to be. I'm nine. I remember when I use to go to the nearest watering hole and make polite overtures to the pretty girls at the end of the bar, in hopes of escorting one home. Now, I'm lucky enough if I can control my bowels before I get off the sidewalk.

I haven't solved a case in at least six months. The last case I was sent on had a cat coming from behind behinds and busting my knees with a tire iron. Sounds more fun than it is. I had to walk around with a pair of wheels until last week. I was considering retiring until she stepped in.

She was the greatest Dane I've ever seen. Just seeing her got my proverbial juices flowing. She just walked into my dog house with out asking questions.

"May I came in?" she said with her voice shaking softly.
"Aren't ya already in here" I yapped.
"Yes, but-"
"-but forget it. Come in"

She sits down. "You're Rover, right", she asks.
"Yes'um", I calmly reply.
"The detective"
"Uh-huh"
"The detective that solves crimes"
"Yes, yes, yes. Get to the point!"
"I need to to find something out. I heard from a friend of a friend that you're good at finding things."
"Sheesh! Just ask me the question already!"
"Well, my masters gone missing."
"Huh. Does he have any enemies?"
"Just the entire Republican party."

Stay tuned for next week's continuation of our epic story!

NEW RELEASES FOR THIS WEEK:

Bedtime Stories: There is one thing I don't understand: Why would anyone allow Adam Sandler to get near their kids? Especially before they're going to bed, like they're doing in this film. The only one who's allowed to tuck in my five kids is either me or my life partner. Besides that, I might like this film because it has CGI hamsters. It's as though they read my mind and combined two of my favorite things.

The Day the Earth Stood Still: Keanu Reeves plays the part he was born to play; an alien! Also, if you haven't heard from NPR, our countless documentaries, the news, from your friends, from the National Geographic channel, and from Al Gore, apparently the world is facing environmental problems and Hollywood's solution is to film expensive movies where countless large vehicles carrying all the film equipment leave a carbon foot print the size of Marlon Brando. Dang, I zinged Marlon Brando despite his handicap of being dead.

Donkey Punch: So if you're one of these sensitive religious types, I'm going to assume you will not like this film. I've been told that when you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me", so we both lose there. Maybe you're religious but still like the act of donkey punching. I don't know, but that sort of thing just doesn't fly with me. This film is advertised as a "shocking thriller", so I hope the pay off is good when the donkey punch the villian to death!

Doubt: Again, if you're one of these sensitive religious types, I DOUBT the notion of God's servants allegedly acting in conduct unbecoming will fly with you either. Hahaha! HAHAHAAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Did you see that! Get it!? I said Doubt! That's the movie's title! Hahahaha! BOO YAH!

Tale of Despereaux: In an age where the illiteracy rate is ridiculous high, the children of America are given a film with a name most thiry year-olds can't pronounce. I'm sure if you're child watches this film, his I.Q. may increase a substantial amount causing their brains to over-develop and causing us to evolve into a more sophisticated breed of humans. But we don't want this do we?

Yes Man: I want to make a pun so badly. Something along the lines of "Yes Man? More like No Man! That movie looks bad!" or "Yes Man! Yes! Finally a film for the common Man!", but it's way too easy. Instead, I'll leave that up to Gene Shalit. Besides, I've already done a pun this week (see: Doubt). Instead, let me discuss Zooey Deschanel (Jim Carrey gets enough s***). Who is she and where did she come from? Who decided to put her opposite of Jim Carrey, a man who's eighteen years her senior? Geez, the over-privalaged got it easy! You know, I would let her slide if she was gorgeous or extremly talented, but she just looks like any girl you'd see working behind the register at the Gap. Believe me, this blogger is not very attractice by any means (though he wishes the opposite), but I just don't get it. Maybe I'm out of touch with the youth of America.

MO' MOVIES, MO' PROBLEMS:
1612
An American in Paris (Blu)
Angel
Babar/King of the Elephants
Bauhaus/Shadow of Light
Blue Gold
Celebrity Nude Review Vol.1
Cleopatra (De Mille)
Crude Impact
Doubt (Blu)
Gigi (Blu)
Heaven on Earth
Jewel Thief
Jihad in Love
Le Amiche
Le Pressentiment
Leonard Cohen/T.V. Collection
Mad Detective
Scott Walker Anthology
The Seven-Ups
The Smiths/Eirope 83 & 84
Tim Buckley/Starsailor is Coming
Timecrimes
Tokyo Gore Crimes
Tokyo Zombie

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

Maurice Jarre: In memory of his contributions to the pantheon of great cinematic scores, we've put up a little section for the late Maurice Jarre. Hopefully, you'll pick up a a copy of "Ryan's Daughter", "Eyes Without a Face", or even "Top Secret" and solemnly bow your head down in memory.

ADIOS! UNTIL NEXT WEEK:

www.vidtheque.com

THIS WEEK'S MORAL:
Despite what your friends may try to convince you to do at the beach, the ocean is not a toilet. And if you try to use it as a bidet, you'll just get sand in your crack.