This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world.

I remember when the previous guy who did the blog left, he wrote in his last blog that every blog from that day forth was going to be "weak sauce."

At the time I didn't understand what he was talking about. Now I do.

If my blogs have been weak sauce, they're always going to be weak sauce because I will continue to write this blog forever.

I think that some people don't think that my blogs are weak sauce, 'cause I do receive a lot of fan letters. Like this one for example:

"Dear Videotheque Blog Dude,

"Deep shades of gray. Do you understand? 'Greed is bad.' A Mormon sermon. Keep your religion to yourself. [Kathy] is cool but she seems confused. I love her. A few words of advice. Keep your nose clean, but only when you get 'urges'. That's all.

"Your [blog] was a lucky one. All those female fingers. [Kathy] has made friends here. Some are fake but many are true. I am true.

"Worn out garments are shed by the body. Worn out bodies are shed by the dweller. New bodies are donned by the dweller, like garments.

"The greatest adventure of our lives is our lives. If you let [other people] destroy what you have, you'll be left with death. Life and death are both the same.

"Learn about people. Watch a film called 'The Ninth Configuration'. It's well worth it.

"Do people call you names? They do me. It sounds as if you have finally started living for yourself. You aren't dressing for your friends anymore, huh? That's good.

"Being of mixed heritage (my father is from Botswana and my mother from [Boston]) I had a few problems expressing myself as well. Once I thought I had to listen to rap. Then I moved to thrash, and now I'm into punk again.

"There was once a time when my hair was nearly every shade of the spectrum. Now I don't care. I'm glad you don't care either.

"I am in love with Lou Reed. Have you ever listened to him? You should. Please do not take my letter as a note from a girl in a stinking lockup who is hard up. Not the case. Plastic chairs. I hate them.

"'Time it was,
And what a time it was,
It was a time of innocence,
A time of confidences.

"'Long ago it must be,
I held a photograph,
Preserve your memories,
They're all that's left you.'
-'Bookends,' Simon and Garfunkel"

NEW RELEASES 12/02:

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN: If you are an overzealous Bible thumper who secretly loves war and fighting, this is for you! I saw the first one of these, so for the sake of closure and out of respect for overzealous Bible thumpers who secretly love war and fighting, and because William Moseley is my home boy, I felt obligated to give this one a whirl. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. Prince Caspian made my heart long for Orlando Bloom. Where's Orlando Bloom when you need him? I couldn't stop thinking about "Elizabethtown" whenever Prince Caspian was on the screen. "Elizabethtown" is good. I don't care what you say. Another bonus of this film is that Willow is in it. There's nothing like an angry Ewok with a Napoleon complex. But anyway, let's get back to "Elizabethtown," it has me thinking, maybe I should create a section for Cameron Crowe. A Cameron Crowe section would be great. There are no subsections Drama. Maybe there could just be one on the bottom shelf for Cameron Crowe. Maybe I will start working on that next week. Maybe after I'm done writing next week's blog.

THE PRICE OF SUGAR: I'm not sure when this comes out but I'll mention it anyway 'cause it's narrated by another one of my home boys, Paul Newman. I missed this movie because my priorities are way out of whack. But I digress, it's about people rising up against a powerful sugar baron. Sugar is delicious, I'll give you that. But at what price? What price?!

STEP BROTHERS: The Apatow train careens out of control with this new comedy by the patchy facial-haired director of "Talladega Nights." I know that William Ferrell and John C. Reilly mean well. They try to make people laugh, and I guess that's ultimately a good thing, in a world where most people are so quick to be negative. But I don't know, man, I just do not know. There are things known and things unknown and in between is the back story to their characters in this film. Also, there are some things in this film that I think I could've gone through life not having seen. In fact, I think I would've preferred it, but still, it has its moments and also it has Videotheque's back side in soft focus in the background.

WANTED: I didn't bother to watch this 'cause based on the title alone, I knew that I would in no way be able to relate with anyone in this movie. Terence Stamp reprises his role from "Toby Dammit" in this skin and bullet fest starring the girl from "Foxfire," and the dude from "Starter for 10." Based on a true story about someone with the ability to curve bullets. You know, like a curve ball, but more deadly. This is physically possible. I recommend practicing this by way of gleeking.

THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE: A common experience that I've had during this long, sad, lonely life of mine is meeting girls in their mid-20's who get mad at me 'cause I'm a guy and they complain how unfair it is that men are considered more distinguished as they get older and women are considered less attractive. I can't win that argument so I often just don't say anything and then start to feel bad about myself for being distinguished, but I don't know, man, I just do not know, this Gillian Anderson gets more attractive with age. She makes herself in the early seasons of the series look like "Newsies." I liked the series and I liked the movie that followed, but then I saw trailers for this and saw Billy Connolly running around with limp arms, wearing Sean Connery's wig from "The Rock" and I thought to myself, I thought, "Man, F that noise!" But then I watched it anyway, instead of watching "The Price of Sugar," and you know what, kids? It's not half bad. In fact, I'd even venture to say it's half good. It's worth watching to see Gillian Anderson, but then the rest of the movie is half good. Kudos! Up yours, Chris Carter!

ALSO AVAILABLE:
24: Redemption
Body of War - The True Story of an Anti-War Hero
A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All
I've Been Waiting So Long
Just About Love?
The Last Continent
Life and Nothing More...
A Man Named Pearl
Prince of Darkness
Savage Grace
Sleeping Beauty (Blu-ray)
Smashing Pumpkins - If All Goes Wrong
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold

www.vidtheque.com

...Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost.

Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!

A lotta, lotta people ask me, they ask, "Hey, Baton Rouge, I couldn't help but notice the delinquency of this week's blog posting. What did you do for Thanksgiving?"

You see, um yeah, the thing is this, this year it was my turn to cook the turkey. I personally feel that stuffing the turkey full of bread stuffs is not good 'cause bread is high in carbs, so this year I decided to do something different.

I filled the inside of the turkey with an entire jar of Goober brand peanut butter and jelly. You know, the jars where it's filled with both peanut butter and jelly. You know, so if you wanted to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you don't have to go rooting around in two different jars. They're both in one jar. You know?

So, then during Thanksgiving dinner when everyone was eating the turkey, they're like, "Whuh? What's this?"

I says to them, I says, "It's a peanut butter and jelly turkey!"

And then some absent-minded old guy stole my cell phone from the x-ray machine at the airport and exchanged text messages with my girlfriend and she wound up dumping me for him.

NEW RELEASES 11/25:

BOTTLE ROCKET: Criterion takes the law into their own hands by re-issuing Wes Anderson's first feature in the full splendor that you've come to know and expect and even kill for from Criterion. There's loads of special features, such as deleted scenes so you can see all the awesome stuff that James L. Brooks viciously cut from the film that otherwise would've caused the film to make sense and be less polarizing to test audiences. You can also see behind the scenes interviews that make Luke Wilson seem like a normal person; a documentary about Barry Braverman's dear ol' dad; the short film that started it all and makes you wonder what crack Polly Platt was smoking the day she saw that thing; plus a commentary track by Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson where the importance of "Miami Vice" is reiterated.

CHUNGKING EXPRESS: Criterion takes the law into their own hands by re-issuing Wong Kar Wai's film that used to have Quentin Tarantino's grumpy mug all over it. This film demonstrates that the best way to show somebody that you love them is to stalk them and break into their apartment. And if you're at all like me, you probably often say to yourself, "Hhmmm ... Chris Doyle sure is a good DP, but I wonder what his apartment is like." Now you can find out by watching this fine title, now without Tarantino's grumpy ol' mug and about five less special features than "Bottle Rocket".

THE FOOT FIST WAY: If you're at all like me, you probably consider it a good selling point for a film if someone says it's like "Napoleon Dynamite." Danny McBride stars as the owner of a dojo in a small town, and we all know people in small towns are stupid so comedy ensues, kind of like "Napoleon Dynamite." I don't know when the official release date for this film is, but Danny McBride was in "Pineapple Express" and anybody in a movie that sells out an MIA song to no end is a-okay by me.

HANCOCK: Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman, Peter Berg, Michael Mann, Akiva Goldsman, and Akiva Goldsman's forehead have pulled off what I had previously thought was impossible, which is they made a movie that makes "Howard the Duck" look good. Will smith plays Howard the Duck in this loosely based remake.


ALSO AVAILABLE:
Abraham Lincoln + The Struggle
The Avenging Conscience
Ballykissangel - Season 1
Ballykissangel - Season 2
The Case of the Grinning Cat
The Complete Jean Vigo
Devil's Playground
Down the Tracks: The Music That Influenced Led Zeppelin
D.W. Griffith: Father Of Film
The Godfather Part III (Blu-ray)
Goya
Katt Williams: It's Pimpin' Pimpin'
The Last Bolshevik + Happiness
Juice
Monster in a Box: The Movie
Monte Grande: What is Life?
The Point of Least Resistance + The Right Way
Provocation
Regular or Super - Views on Mies van der Rohe
Remembrance of Things to Come
Sally of the Sawdust
The Sixth Side of the Pentagon + The Embassy
Sounder
Under the Bombs
We Loved Each Other So Much

www.vidtheque.com

...they'll never catch me, man, 'cause I'm fuckin' innocent.

What is this place? Hogwarts?

A lotta, lotta people ask me, they ask, "Hey, Skibididoo, you seem to have your **** together, what's your secret?"

I says to them, I says, "Oh, that's easy, my secret is starting off each day right."

Then they ask me, they ask, "How do you start the day off right? A good breakfast?"

I says to them, I says, "No. Actually the good breakfast is important, but that's second on a long list of things you have to do to start the day off right."

Then they asks me, they asks, "What's number one?"

I says to them, I says, "Oh, that's when you pee."

They then look at me real confused and ask, "No! No! What's the number one thing on the long list of things you have to do to start the day off right?"

I says to them, I says, "Oh, that! The best and first way to start your day off right is to do the angry dance in your kitchen while making breakfast."

Then they look at me even more real confused and ask, "The angry dance?"

Then I says to them, I says, "Yeah, you know, the angry dance ... from 'Footloose.'"

NEW RELEASES 11/18:

THE CLIQUE: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. It's a film based on the popular teen book series of the same name. It's brought to you by Tyra Banks. Whenever I hear of Tyra Banks, I think of Tyria Moore who was Aileen Wuornos' girlfriend back when she killed seven men in 1989 and 1990.

ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. Werner Herzog took some advice I gave him shortly after I saw "Incident at Loch Ness" and he took a long walk off a short pier. Thanks to this advice, we now have this glorious documentary about the Earth's, you know, hind quarters, which makes you wish you were watching "Planet Earth."

FANFAN LA TULIPE: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. It's a French romantic comedy from the 1952. Hardcore fans refer to it as a swashbuckler film. Those people also do the angry dance if they don't get their way so you should probably only refer to it as a swashbuckler film.

GARDEN PARTY: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. This is a movie that has a cover that makes you want to watch it 'cause there's a pool full of beautiful people on the cover, but then you read the title and it makes you want to take a slow ride to grandmother's house. But if you like beautiful people and lame titles, back up the truck and put this in it.

GONZO: THE LIFE AND WORK OF DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. This is a documentary about Hunter S. Thompson, and I know when I was done watching the previous five that came out, I was thinking, "That was good, but I think we really need more." So, please help bankroll the lifestyles of people capitalizing on the good doctor's name by enjoying this fine doc ... hey, wait a minute, a doc about a doc. When you come into the 'Theque, just demand, "The doc about the doc," the clerks will love you.

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. This is the long awaited sequel to the other traveling pants movie, based on the teen book series of the same name which makes "The Clique" look like someone with artery-hardening rage trying to do the angry dance. Anywhoo, I love these traveling pants movies even though I've never seen them. I just hope that there are a lot of laundromat scenes, you know, where they are washing the pants.

TROPIC THUNDER: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. This is the new film from Robert Downey, Jr. starring Ben Stiller where Jack Black plays Owen Wilson. Tom Cruise plays a character which he patterned after a real life scumbag. Go scumbags! No really. Keep going.

UP THE YANGTZE: I wanted to see this but didn't have a chance. This is one of those titles that has you saying to yourself, "Man, what's 'Yangtze' a euphemism for?" but then as you watch it you realize it is actually referring to the river and is about areas affected by a damn dam, and the transition from a culture of farming to a culture of consumer capitalism, in other words ... becoming like us.

WALL-E: I didn't want to see this but had to anyway. If you walk away from this film having learned two things, those two things should be that you're fat and you're destroying the planet. On a personal note, I didn't need to watch a movie to find that out about myself, I already know it! But if you are in denial, or you really like whiney robots, or you like Jeff Garlin, you should watch it. Watch it now!

THE WHO AT KILBURN: 1977: I think that some people don't like the Who. It's a statistical fact that some people probably don't. Well, if you ask me those people probably haven't seen this two-concert gem from back when they used to be good. Real good.


ALSO AVAILABLE:

The Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith
Christmas on Mars
Cine Manifest
Critical Condition
Doc Martin - Series 1
Eight Miles High
Encounters at the End of the World (Blu-ray)
George Lopez - America's Mexican
Gunnin' for That 1 Spot
Here Is Always Somewhere Else
The Inner Scar
Love Songs
The Machine Girl
Operation Valkyrie: The Stauffenberg Plot to Kill Hitler
Pieces
Planet B-Boy
Tropic Thunder (Blu-ray)
Wall-E (Blu-ray)
Wholphin No.7


RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

The staff at Videotheque put up the recommended section for Thanksgiving, plus there is a new staff pix.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!: In this section you will find a veritable who's who of film and television in which Thanksgiving is celebrated, including "Down and Out in Beverly Hills," "The Ice Storm," "Pieces of April," and "Dutch," everything with the exception of "Ugly Betty" 'cause it's inconceivable that "Ugly Betty" could possibly have a Thanksgiving episode.

Biz Mark A's pix HAPPY TANKSGIVING!: Biz Mark A is pro-war and changes his section more often than I change my shirts. In this section you'll find a veritable who's who of films featuring tanks, for example, "Buffalo Soldiers," "Help!", and Sam Peckinpah's "Cross of Iron" which makes "Newsies" look like "Newsies."

Come into the store and see what other wonderment exists in the other recommended sections.

www.vidtheque.com

...and yes, it is available.

I say we eat crumpets and tea.

You see um, yeah, the thing is this, after a long hard week of being micromanaged and belittled by my peers, I like to take a day off and relax and fuggitaboutit.

So, yesterday, I slept in late and then watched some old Kyle Petty races on ESPN Classic, which is a really great channel 'cause I know something I often think about when watching sports is, "Man, I sure hope to see a rerun of this someday!"

After that, I spent the day cruisin' down Ventura Boulevard in my Cadillac, listening to Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers. For dinner I stopped in the drive-thru at Naugles - actually I drove through it.

Then I went back to my Ranch style home where I watched a double-feature of Lori Petty movies I picked up at the 'Theque: "Tank Girl," and "Point Break."

NEW RELEASES 11/11:

I would just like to take this moment to thank all the Vets, who over the years have cared for my pets. The Vet who sewed the tail back on my cat after it slept the night in the car engine to stay warm one winter and then when we got in the car to go to school and work the next morning turned on the engine and cat fur went everywhere and then the cat ran in the backyard without a tail and then my mom put the tail in a Ziplock bag and my sister got the cat and we brought the cat to you and you sewed it up. And also the vet who years later put that cat, and our other cat, and our dog to sleep. Thanks Vets! Keep up the good work.

THE BOYS IN THE BAND: William Friedkin turns up the heat in this 1970 film based on the Broadway play of the same name. My associate saw this film and loved it. He was pleasantly surprised and states that it predates home boy doing films depicting action and violence. And who really needs action and violence? I sure don't. I have enough of that at home.

CAMP DE THIAROYE: African filmmaker Ousmane Sembene makes Eisenstein's "Odessa Steps" look like "Newsies" in this film where "a dispute over petty regulations" "escalates into a full-scale rebellion." I like rebellion, I've seen "Rebel Without a Cause" and I like the Billy Idol, so this film is sure to delight!

THE GENERAL: I don't know a single thing about growing my own food, but I have seen this 1927 comedy about a crazy locomotive. You might even say that it is in loco motion. You should do the Loco-motion by watching this film which makes "The Train" starring Burt Lancaster look like a slow ride to grandma's house. No really. I was reading about this film on the ... uh ... intuhnet and it says that it was a box office disaster. What was wrong with your ancestors that they weren't even going to see this? I mean, they didn't even have ... uh ... televisions back then!

HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY: I don't know why I haven't seen this - I'm like your ancestors in 1927 - 'cause this is usually the sort of overblown spectacle I respond to. This movie was actually great cause for confusion for me 'cause when it came out in the theater I was positive that it was out on DVD already, but I think that for some reason, I thought the DVD release of the first "Hellboy" was the release of "Hellboy II" in the theaters when in reality it was really the release of the first "Hellboy" on DVD.

For some reason whenever I think of "Hellboy" I think of "Forrest Gump;" I think 'cause I used to confuse Ron Perlman with Steve Tisch who produced "Forrest Gump," so deep down inside I feel like a producer of "Forrest Gump" is Hellboy.

"Hellboy II: The Golden Army" makes both "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" and "The Golden Child" combined look like "Newsies" when Hellboy and a large guppy and the girl from "Cruel Intentions" save humankind from ... uh ... a golden army, I'm guessing.

KEN RUSSELL AT THE BBC: You know him, you love him, now you can see movies he made for the BBC in the 60's. One of my associates saw and loved "Elgar". Also available on this set is "The Debussy Film," "Always on Sunday," "Isadora: The Biggest Dance in the World," "Dante's Inferno," and "Song of Summer."

MISTER FOE: This is one of those movies where a character has a convenient name just to facilitate the purposes of a clever title, i.e.: "Saving Grace," "The Savages," etc. What a lot of people don't know is that this is actually the sequel to "Billy Elliot." Billy Elliot's mother commits suicide, so what he does, is he starts acting out and has a strange romance. But between you and me, what romance isn't strange?

NATHALIE GRANGER: A lot of people don't know this, but this is actually the prequel to "Billy Elliot" where we see what led to his mom's suicide. If you like the breakfast scene in "Risky Business" you'll be all over this movie like white on rice.

ROBERTO ROSSELLINI: DIRECTOR'S SERIES: A lot of people don't know this, but Roberto Rossellini is a director. I think I've seen some of his stuff and I liked it, "Open City" and whatnot. Whatnot being my favorite. In this set you'll find "Dov'E La Liberta...?" and "Era Notte A Roma."

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS: If you're at all like me, you probably waited in line for the premiere of Episodes 1-3 of "Star Wars" and as the end credits rolled on the end of the third one, you probably said to yourself, "Know what the world needs, some more of that! Only animated!" Now our wishes have come true with this film that features more of that, only animated.

SUKIYAKI WESTERN DJANGO: I really wanted to see this movie because it says it's an epic tale of blood, lust and greed, but then due to someone else's lust and greed and my blood, I was unable to watch it. Funny how that works out, the whole greed thing. I highly advocate watching this and studying the ol' greed because, believe you me, it's something you don't want to be on the wrong side of. It's that old win/lose mentality that we all know and love. Takashi Miike directs a lot of people I don't know by name and Quentin Tarantino who reprises his role from "Desperado."

TRACEY ULLMAN'S STATE OF THE UNION - SEASON 1: I like Tracey Ullman, I don't care what you say. She gave "The Simpsons" their start and she isn't afraid to speak her mind about the Royal Family as she's seen doing in "The Queen" and best of all she owns a lot of different disguises, which is a bonus in the cinematic arts.

WALT DISNEY TREASURES: THE CHRONOLOGICAL DONALD, VOL. 4 - 1951-1961: This is the fourth film in Disney's epic vomiting vault of old stuffs, in this set you have a whole other decade of Donald stuffs. I always related with Donald Duck 'cause of his speech impediment and particularly right now as he rarely had on pants, if ever.

WOULD I LIE TO YOU 2: If you haven't seen the first "Would I Lie to You" we have a lot in common and should probably hang out sometime. Jose Garcia makes "Sixteen Candles" look like "90210" on acid when he borrows someone's Rolls Royce and sparks fly in this French language comedy.

ALSO AVAILABLE:
The Caine Mutiny
Cinema, Aspirins and Vultures
David Holzman's Diary
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
La Sierra
The Last Voyage
Manila By Night (City After Dark)
Mother, Sister, Daughter
My Best Friend's Wedding
My Girlfriend's Wedding
The Shipping News + The Cider House Rules
Sold Out: A Threevening With Kevin Smith
South Central
The Spirit of St. Louis
Tightrope
Tinker Bell
Whatever You Say

RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

As with the changing of the seasons so are the recommended sections at the 'Theque.

Democracy at Work: Like a Barack Obama supporter in shock, this section lingers like as if a rug of purpose were pulled out from under it and now it doesn't know where to go. In this section you'll find a plethora of the ol' political docs. And stay tuned as in a couple weeks when we might have a section for the ol' Thanksgiving.

Speaking of which...

Grace's pix Happy Thankstaking: You see it's "taking" rather than "giving." Like ... uh ... people. Are you Caucasian? Do you get an epinephrine rush from hating things? Why not hate yourself based solely on your skin color? That's what I'm going to do when I enjoy titles from this fine section such as "Distorted Morality," "Burn!" "Chingachgook:The Great Snake," and many more, even though my family didn't emigrate here until about 330 years after Squanto bailed the Pilgrims out of their lack of preparedness during a time when there was no such thing as REI.

Mario's pix Ball-Busters: Mario's section still remains as he is a busy working man and busy working for the man so he doesn't have the luxury of switching up his section every other day like the rest of the staff at the 'Theque. In here you'll find a plethora of titles where people are busting other peoples' balls, or even where whales are busting peoples' balls, like "Moby Dick."

Marky Mark's pix Fight Like a Gentleman: Marky Mark has grown weary of people in his neighborhood who settle their disputes via shootouts, so he's trying to spread the good word about the ol' fist fight with titles like "Rocky" and "An Officer and a Gentleman."

Martina's pix Champagne Chillers: Martina still has her old Halloween sign up, but the movies are a bit less Halloweeny, which is good considering Halloween's over, with movies like "Watership Down," "Stalker," and "Solaris."

Charlotte's pix Salut, Maurice Ronet!: It's funny, I was talking to one of my associates earlier today about someone named Maurice. Maurice makes all other actors, directors, and writers look like "Newsies" in this section which features films featuring Maurice Ronet.

Rick's pix Talk Like the Animals: Gobble! Gobble!: Rick's got talking animals on the brain and now he's foisting that upon you, just in time to give you the creeps when you put that turkey in the oven, with this fine section featuring films which feature movies featuring animals who talk, featuring such titles as "Chicken Run," "Creature Comforts," and "Fritz the Cat."

www.vidtheque.com

...and remember, we only have one life in which to hate each other so let's make the most of it.

There is no charge for awesomeness.

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Wait a ******* minute, it's not Tuesday, why the **** are you writing a ******* blog, you dumb ******?"

First of all, I don't even know how to respond to that 'cause you're saying "asterisk" a lot, but the fact of the matter is this, apparently the rules don't apply to Dreamworks so they can release movies whenever they see fit, and for some reason this weekend, Saturday or Sunday-ish seemed like a good time to them to release "Kung Fu Panda."

I just got out of a meeting with my associate and he has helped me determine that it's probably got something to do with Tuesday being Veterans Day and all. I checked the other new releases and their street date is Tuesday, so those distribution companies clearly don't observe Veterans Day, but Dreamworks does. They must have some Vets in the office. No, no, not veterinarians. Veterans!

Anyhoo, Veterans, we and Dreamworks salute you by making available early to you a childrens movie that you're probably too burnt out to give a **** about.

NEW RELEASE 11/08:

KUNG FU PANDA: When I'm not finding out ways to conserve bamboo forests by visiting conservation.org, I know how difficult it can sometimes be to find lighthearted fare for the little ones to help pacify them and keep them from finding out what an awful world you brought them into. Dreamworks makes that struggle a bit easier with this gem from Dreamworks starring Dreamworks animated characters voiced by Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Dustin Hoffman, Lucy Liu, and David Cross. They play Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Dustin Hoffman, Lucy Liu, and David Cross, only they are talking animals. I was telling my friend Chuck that I didn't necessarily agree with the film's viewpoint that animals can talk, but she told me that they do, so as a result I've decided that I should probably re-watch "Kung Fu Jack Black," errr... "Kung Fu Panda."


ALSO AVAILABLE:

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Season 3
Pan's Labyrinth (Blu-ray)
Project Runway - Season 4
The Sicilian Clan
The Unit - Season 2
The Unit - Season 3

www.vidtheque.com

...and that is how you keep me copasetic.

Ray won’t let me wear my glasses on stage.

I didn't do the best job, but the important thing is I tried.

I'd like to thank all the trick-or-treaters who made Videotheque a stop on their trick-or-treating route this past Halloween and made the Videotheque Halloween Ball/Sadie Hawkins Dance the overwhelming success that it was.

I'd also like to thank everyone who voted on Tuesday. You 67.2% restored my faith in humanity.

Unfortunately whenever I see my neighbor that faith in humanity is diminished by 10% and the following movies diminish it by 7.2%.

So, technically my faith in humanity has only been restored by 50%.

NEW RELEASES 11/04:

THE FILMS OF BUDD BOETTICHER: Deceased filmmaker Budd Boetticher gets the plastic treatment with his own DVD set of five westerns he made at Columbia, giving this chunk of his film career the posthumous treatment that it deserves, which he's not here to enjoy or profit from. Enjoy each of these deceased individual's films individually as rentals.

First of all, don't "Hey, Man," me.

GET SMART: During my youth, I used to spend months at a time alone at home with no adult supervision making hills on the kitchen floor with laundry detergent to drive my Matchbox Cars through. I would also eat nothing but Gemco brand tortilla chips microwaved with Velveeta on them with hot sauce packets from Naugles for months. During this time I would also watch KDOC, channel 56 for days on end. I would enjoy a lot of classic television and Request Video and Wally George. Among the classic series I would enjoy was "Get Smart" and every time I would watch that show, I would say to myself, "Man, know what the world needs? Some more of that!!!" Luckily, the dude from that stinkeroo "Dan in Real Life" and the other dude from that stinkeroo "Be Cool" and that girl from that stinkeroo "Havoc" all apparently felt the same. Breathing new life into the characters, they make that series I was watching on KDOC look like 90210 on acid.

HELL RIDE: Are you like me? Did you watch "Death Proof" and "Planet Terror" and say to yourself, "Man, know what the world needs? Some more of that!!!" Thankfully, Mr. Blonde, who is not a wife-beater, and has 27 movies in production feels the same way. It's a biker revenge movie with all the elements you need in a movie after picking up a meal at Naugles on your bike, like an image that's in focus, etc.

MILAREPA: Apparently there's some sort of shortage of filmmakers so now they're enlisting Tibetan monks to make them. Under normal circumstances I'd probably poo-poo the idea 'cause it's like, what kind of film education are these guys getting? I mean, have they seen "The Godfather Part II?" I kind of doubt it. So, I don't know, man. But given the blood-soaked and violence drenched culture that we live in, where people feel like others have to lose in order for them to win, maybe a movie here and there from a Tibetan monk is a good thing. If you share that win/lose attitude with everyone I come into contact with on a daily basis, maybe you should come in and rent this and any other movies that Videotheque has that are by or about Lamas. Not the animal, but teachers of Buddhism. That's like "Budd" as in "Budd Boetticher" but with an "hism" at the end. "Milarepa" tells a tale which is a Staples in Tibetan tradition.

MOSCOW ZERO: You can't rely on other people to make you happy and I know deep down inside Vincent Gallo and Val Kilmer love me. So, I forgive them when they are in a movie by a one-named director that takes too long to set up and uses way too many distorted lenses for no good reason. But if you like those things and you enjoyed "Dominion" and "Exorcist: The Beginning" your love for this movie will be analogous to having no end.

POPEYE THE SAILOR: 1941-1943, VOL. 3: If you're at all like me, you probably watched this as a kid and ever since have been eating spinach like a maniac to your own detriment, to the point that you are in the bathroom more than not. You probably continued eating spinach without reprieve even during the E. Coli outbreak of 2006 and the Salmonella outbreak of 2007. And since both of those situations phased neither myself nor Salman Rushdie, it shouldn't phase you either if you are a true Popeye viewer. So you should be able to watch these with abandon. Even though, between you and me, there are way too many of them.

TOO TOUGH TO DIE: A TRIBUTE TO JOHNNY RAMONE: This benefit concert was to raise money for cancer research and celebrate the 30th anniversary of the Ramones' first performance. Johnny died of cancer of the nethers two days later and gets the Budd Boetticher treatment with this fine DVD. Show the man some respect and enjoy this fine concert, especially if you can't afford to go to a real concert 'cause of these tough economic times that have you holding it instead of going to the bathroom.

TRANSSIBERIAN: "Fargo" checked out? Try this new gem featuring Woody from "Cheers" and some other folks that you've seen in some good movies. This film is like "The Darjeeling Limited" in the sense that its title is named after a train that most of the movie takes place on. It is unlike "The Darjeeling Limited" in that the name of the train in "Transsiberian" makes sense and also in that there is a plot.

Oh dang! Oh no I didn'! Aw snap!

WHAT WE DO IS SECRET: The dude from "A Walk to Remember" stars as Darby Crash of the Germs who pulled an Ian Curtis the day before Jared Leto killed John Lennon. Damn you Jared Leto! Anywhoo, pull up a chair and a bucket of hand sanitizer as you follow this Germ through all his ups and downs and his ignored demise.

WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER?: Blake Morrison and Anand Tucker foist their feelings of guilt and self-loathing onto you with this sappy quagmire of bad coming-of-age flashbacks, when Colin Firth realizes the answer to the above question posed by the title, which is: You haven't seen your father for decades 'cause of his f*** you attitude.

ALSO AVAILABLE:

2008 Wimbledon Official Film
American Stag
Chico and the Man
The Cool School
Death Defying Acts
The Family Man
Georgia
Go With the Ventures
Ludwig
Mrs. Soffel
Never Say Never Again
The Perfect Storm + Three Kings
Saxondale - Seasons 1-2
Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Season 1
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Runnin' Down A Dream
To the Limit
The Valley of the Bees

www.vidtheque.com

...and that's why we're happy to have Isaac with us.

This is the part where you run away.

So, the thing is this, um, yeah, I was shaving in the bushes of the parking lot out in back of B of A this morning when some kids rolled up on their skateboards and they says to me, they says, "Hey, Mike, are you gonna dress up for Halloween?"

My answer to them was simple. I says to them, I says, "I enjoy any holiday 'cause it gives me a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling and an overall optimism about the future because there is that dear, dear, holiday rapidly approaching - especially on Halloween in an election year, because when you are trick-or-treating, it's a great opportunity to knock down or take lawn signs for candidates or propositions which you don't necessarily agree with - but of course, not until after they have given you candy. But I digress, young child-with-a-board-on-wheels. What am I going as for Halloween? That's easy. The same thing I do every year, which is, I cover myself in green makeup and go as Shrek, and I carry around one of those ... uh ... boom boxes with that song 'All Star' by Smash Mouth playing on it."

A lotta, lotta people don't like Smash Mouth, and with good reason - they are a little annoying - but I don't mind them. They once said, "You'll never shine if you don't glow," and I think they had a good point there.

NEW RELEASES 10/28:

ANNIE LEIBOVITZ: LIFE THROUGH A LENS: I haven't watched this 'cause at first I thought it was a sequel to "The Eyes of Laura Mars," and then I further wasn't watching it 'cause I saw it was a documentary about a photographer and I usually don't like photographers 'cause they killed Princess Diana, but then when I was doing my research for the ... uh ... blog, I saw that Annie Leibovitz took many a photograph of celebrities and celebrities make everything okay. She took photos including, but not limited to, the Rolling Stone cover with John Lennon taken the day of his death. I will always be mad at Jared Leto for killing him.

BILLY THE KID: Once in a lifetime a movie comes along that just speaks to you on every possible level, and you say to yourself, tearfully, "That ... that's why the ... uh ... cinema was invented." Such is the case with "Billy the Kid." The Casting Director from "Bugcrush" directs this film which does for the documentary what "Lawrence of Arabia" did for movies about guys in flowing white robes. The film follows a week in the life of Billy in his hometown of Brunswick, Maine as he experiences the trials and tribulations of being a sophomore and an outsider, and unrequited love as he falls in love with a WWE fanatic with lazy eyes, and throughout it all, Billy demonstrates more game and is more of a gentleman than either Ryan Gosling or I can ever hope to be.

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH: Brendan Fraser stars in this reworking of the Jules Verne classic where for convoluted reasons he winds up in the center of the Earth with the kid from "Bridge to Terabithia," and some woman who seems to be dressed for summer weather in Iceland. I thought I knew a lot about science and whatnot, but as it turns out, there is a whole magical world inside the center of the Earth which I was completely unawares of. Plus with the advent of 3-D, which was invented for this film, you can enjoy the movie with some dorky-looking paper glasses that make the movie look like you're watching it through a View Master. Also, in my opinion, there are just not enough Brendan Fraser movies. I think that each Brendan Fraser performance should be cherished, 'cause on a long enough time line, there'll come a day when he will no longer be able to make movies and you'll miss him. And a note to Hollywood: please make as many Brendan Fraser movies as possible, while you can, for the above mentioned reasons. Thanks.

KIT KITTREDGE - AN AMERICAN GIRL: You're probably thinking, "Ooh, ooh, finally the TV series with Margaret Cho is available on DVD!" Think again, wishful thinking person. This is actually the sequel to "Nim's Island" starring the flash-in-the-pan from "Little Miss Sunshine." Nim's back on the mainland, but still has a hankering for the island life, so she builds a tree house in her backyard where she hangs out with the girls from "Heavenly Creatures" and they plot to pull the ol' bricks-in-a-stocking trick on anybody who approaches the treehouse, proving the old theory: girl is an island.

THE L-WORD - SEASON 5: The L-Word is my favoritest TV show ever. It makes "Sex and the City" look like a slow ride to grandmother's house. Plus my best friend Stewie writes for it, 'cause he's in touch with his feminine side. Really in touch. So, when you are done voting "No" on "Hate" go into Videotheque and pick up the ol' L-Word.

RAIN OF FIRE: When I saw the cover of this movie, I thought it was post-stroke Kirk Douglas, but then doing research for the ... uh ... blog, I realized this is a movie from 1977. I guess I forgot how old he looked in the 1970's. Afterall, I was born in 1994. It's not like I was watching movies in the 1970's. Anywhoo, Christian Bale plays the older version of a young boy who loses his single parent to fire-breathing dragons and then Matthew McConaghey shows up and kicks dragon butt. Then Kirk Douglas comes along and poses for a cover the looks very similar to "The Devil's Advocate" even though this movie was made 20 years earlier.

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS: Jenna Jameson stars as Jenna Jameson in this raucous romp where the world of zombies and the world of strippers collide. In general, in my personal life, I put strippers on a pedestal, so I can only advocate this film if it puts strippers on a pedestal as well, which I get the impression that it does.


ALSO AVAILABLE:

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse
Baraka (Blu-ray)
Charlie Parker & Dizzy Gillespie: The Founding Fathers of Be Bop
DNA
Family Guy, Vol. 5 - Season 5, Part 1
Family Guy, Vol. 6
Happy Mondays: Call the Cops
Incredible Hulk (Blu-ray)
Invisible Stripes
James Ellroy's Feast of Death
John Coltrane: A True Innovator
Kid Galahad
Larceny, Inc.
The Little Giant
The Mighty Boosh - Series 1
Murder, Spies & Voting Lies
A Nightmare on Elm Street 5-8
One PM
Planet Earth (Blu-ray)
Public Enemies: The Golden Age of the Gangster Film
Screamers
Sister Act + Sister Act 2 - Back in the Habit
Steve Coogan Live
Tis Pity She's a Whore


OCTOBER SALE:

The sale that we had in October is now over. I'd just like to thank all the customers who came in on Wednesdays in October and made it a success despite the way the sale was inadequately advertised, thanks to the idiot who designed the flyer.


RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

Come into the store this All Saint's Eve and pick up your favorite horror haunts from our haunted horror section and the recommended wall where the staff has pulled together once again, despite their differences and recommended some haunted horror haunts.

If Halloween passes and you haven't had enough Halloween, then you can still come into the store and still rent some haunted horror haunts until you get it out of your system.

Also, if people are bumping into you on purpose and then acting like it's your fault, come in and check out the Democracy at Work section where you can enjoy politics-related films while you get amped up about voting and/or hugging your poll worker on Tuesday regardless of whether or not they want you to.

www.vidtheque.com

...and that's why if you're on death row, it's ironic and will get you headlines if you request a Happy Meal for your last meal.

You’re not screaming, why aren't you screaming?

Yesterday when I was walking home from school, I was walking on the sidewalk when all the sudden a sprinkler went on right beside me and sprayed on me and also the litter of delicate hatchlings in my backpack.

I looked up in the front yard of the house I was walking by and saw an old curmudgeon who was just finishing turning on the sprinklers the old timer way, you know, without the ... uh ... timer.

I couldn't help but wonder if the old curmudgeon had done it on purpose out of a deep seated lack of consideration for both me and my hatchlings and a general world view that the public should not be allowed to use public sidewalks.

Also, it was the middle of the afternoon and it's inefficient in a water conservation sense to water your lawn in the middle of the afternoon as that is the time of day that the water will evaporate the quickest. The best time to water your lawn is really at night or early morning, like in the pre-dawn hours. That water will take forevers to evaporate, in which case you're getting the most out it. And that's important, 'cause in a few years the planet will run out of water and there will be global wars over Capri Sun pouches.


NEW RELEASES 10/21:

THE GO-GETTER: Once in a lifetime a movie comes along that just speaks to you on every possible level, and you say to yourself, tearfully, "That ... that's why the uh ... cinema was invented." Such is the case with "The Go-Getter." George Lucas from "George Lucas in Love" (not the real George Lucas) directs this film which does for the road movie what "Apocalypse Now" did for the ... uh ... river movie. "Thumbsucker" teams up with the sister from "Almost Famous" in this high stakes adventure. Sometimes just for kicks I like to ask myself, if an old college buddy of mine were to fill my head full of empty promises and one of those empty promises were to involve a celebrity, which celebrity would I want that to be? For me the answer is usually the sister from "Almost Famous."

THE INCREDIBLE HULK: If I made a movie about the Incredible Hulk and it tanked, like "Hulk" starring the guy from "Chopper" my logic would be, "Say, maybe people no longer care for the Jolly Green Giant," and I'd probably move on to something else, like a feature-length "Blossom" movie ... just sayin'. But apparently that is backward thinking where Hollywood is concerned. Instead they thought, hey, let's remake that movie that tanked a couple years ago. And sure enough, recasting the characters and adding a cigar did the trick. Now everybody cannot get enough of the ol' Jolly Green Giant.

SON OF RAMBOW: That's Rambo with a "w". Technically I don't think this is out yet but I think Videotheque got an advanced copy because one of the kids in the movie is a former employee. This movie makes "Billy Elliot" look like "Newsies" when some young guy sees some violent action movies and decides to make his own movie. If you like seeing youngsters survive perilous circumstances that would usually critically injure them, you will love this!

THE STONE ANGEL: Ellen Burstyn makes "The Savages" look like "Newsies" in this film adaptation of the novel of the same name where she reprises her role from "Requiem for a Dream" as a former drug addict whose kids are trying to put her in a home, so instead she pulls a "Bucket List" or a "Bonneville" depending on your preference.

THE STRANGERS: This movie, I have not seen. I hear a lot of people who have not seen "Them" speak highly of it. Sometimes I like to walk around with a burlap sack on my head with eye holes poked in it and then go up to random houses and pound on the door until I hear the occupants scream. Maybe I will do that to the old curmudgeon with the sprinklers.

THERE'LL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND: The thing with this is this, you see, this is a combination of two nights of the Sex Pistols' 2007 Brixton Academy appearances. If you enjoyed "The Hanna Montana and Miley Cyrus' Best of Both Worlds Concert 3-D Movie" you will probably like this. I say "probably" because I know that you are short-tempered and hard to please because you eat too much sugar.


ALSO AVAILABLE:

Bra Boys
Jazz Icons: Series 3
Kickin' It Old Skool
Mongol: The Rise of Genghis Khan
Red Carpet Double Feature: Fear/Parents
Saturn in Opposition
Stephen King's The Stand
The Trap
Women of the Night


OCTOBER SALE:

On Wednesday October 29th, which is this next Wednesday, I think you should take an evening off from your busy schedule of wearing a burlap sack on your head and pounding on the doors of houses with "Yes on 8" signs until the occupants scream (you need to cut their phone lines for this to work properly, and hope their cell phones don't work, how you figured that out, I don't know), and relax and go by the 'theque and rent ... whudduya callit ... two movies for the price of one. (I'm not advocating tormenting people with political signs, that you don't agree with, in their yards. I'm just saying I know you do it already.)


RECOMMENDED SECTIONS:

As annotated in last week's issue we have recommended sections reflecting the impending Halloween holiday. If you love being scared by the ... uh ... cinema 'cause your real life is not enough of a horror show already like mine, you will love these sections!

www.vidtheque.com

...and that's why it rhymes with "hate."