So, um, yeah, the thing is this, a lotta, lotta people say to me, they say, "Excuse me, Mr. Funes, could you tell me your whole life story?" Well, my answer to that is simple. I was born in the dumpster out back of Videotheque just a few short days ago. There was a lot of interesting things to eat in there. Then one day I decided to expand my horizons and the door was open to what I would later on find out is Videotheque. While it is nice and cool in here and there is plenty of space to fly around there is not quite as wide an array of hot eats and cool treats to partake in, but what I've found is that if you land on a self-pitying bi-ped, you can usually suck enough tastey stuff out of their pores before they shew you away that you can subsist for a while.
Later today I will probably pester someone on their lunch break trying to get a taste of their hot eats and cool treats and then accidentally fly into a Zip-lock bag at which point I will be thrown out with the leftovers. I will wind up back in the dumpster and most likely get smashed or die of suffocation. A lotta, lotta people think this is a sad life, but I think self-pitying bi-peds have it a lot worse, for example, if you were a male self-pitying bi-ped and a female self-pitying bi-ped liked you, but then one day she saw your car is a piece of sh** and stopped talking to you ... I think that would be far worse than the meager life I've led.
NEW RELEASES 07/15:
THE BANK JOB: Jason Statham stars as Jason Statham in this new movie that says, it's okay to steal as long as it's a lot of hard work and the mastermind betrays you. Just like "The Stander" this heist movie is based on real life incidents from the 70's, or around therein, I don't feel like looking it up. You get the point ... like you're reading this at all. Just like "The Stander."
MEET BILL: It's not every day that the best movie ever made comes out. Every once in a while a movie will come into the 'theque and I'll look at the cover and think it looks derivative of about a million other moves, but I'll check it out anyway out of curiosity. Such was the case with this fine gem and as it turns out, it's the best movie ever made. Aaron Eckhert plays Bill who you meet during the course of the movie who goes through some "American Beauty" kind of stuff and also some "Rushmore" kind of stuff and some "Half Baked" kind of stuff.
MONSIEUR VINCENT: My mood is really contingent upon how I'm treated by other people. The past few days have been particularly bad for me, so I was gonna write an angry blog, but between "The Bank Job" and "Meet Bill" a rare thing happened which was that someone treated me with some civility and then I was like, "I'm gonna write a positive blog," but then when I was about two-thirds of the way through "Meet Bill" someone took all that civility and just chucked it out the window and kicked me to the curb mentally and chewed their gum with their mouth open, so get ready for something that never stopped, which is some negativity which was not checked at the door. Instead it was brought through the door in a rolling suit case. But I digress.
Big time.
Anywhoo, this "Monsieur Vincent" ... just like these days, back in 1947 people were hog wild about the moving picture and what's better than a moving picture but a moving picture about a saint with a really wide brimmed hat. He's a humanitarian this Monsieur Vincent so he will no doubt be difficult to relate with.
PENELOPE: So Christina Ricci's all grown up and I guess there are some strange genetics in her family 'cause she's developed a pig snout instead of the human nose she used to have. Luckily someone took mercy and wrote a screenplay (a little insider info: a screenplay is the written part of the story that they film to make a movie) with her in mind so you can learn that it's okay to discriminate against people who are different. Plus, this movie has the added bonus of being family approved so you can watch it with your naive, sheltered children.
RENO 911 - SEASON 5: I've never been to Reno, but I hear lots of good things about it. I've also heard a lot of good things about this show, but have not watched it. I will watch it one of these days to research a TV show I'm writing called "Parking in Pasadena" where there are great places to park and for no reason it's illegal to park there, but people don't find out until after they have a ticket.
SHUTTER: Not to be confused with my auto-biography "Shudder," this film is keeping the "Hey, let's remake popular horror movies from overseas with American actors so we don't have to think for ourselves," money machine rolling. The kid from "The Mighty Ducks" stars as a young fellow who mysteriously has a high-paying job taking pictures of beautiful models. That happens. All the stuff from the Thai film of the same name happens, too, so if you like to not be surprised you can watch that one first.
STEP UP 2 THE STREETS: I feel like there should be a colon in this title but there's not. If this were called "Step Up 2: Life on the Streets," I'd watch it. I'm still not over "Top Hat" so I don't watch a lot of movies with dance numbers in them. Another title that would've gotten me to watch this would've been "Step Up 2: Electric Boogaloo."
TIMES AND WINDS: The cover of this movie looks like it's off the heazzzy and then you look at it for a while you realize it's not off the heazzzy and then you just feel betrayed. I was gonna read the summary on the back of this cover and give you the ol' description but the word "yoke" was in the synopsis and I'm vegan so I stopped reading.
THE YEAR MY PARENTS WENT ON VACATION: This movie has a lot of those branches of leaves that look like parentheses and notates that it was in certain film festivals or won awards in festivals. This signals to you that it's okay to watch it even though you don't know who Cao Hamburger is.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Adanggaman
Baby It's You
Batman Begins (Blu Ray)
Batman Gotham Knight
The Card Player + Do You Like Hitchcock?
Daddy, Darling
Forgiving the Franklins
The Free Will
The Freethinker
The Future is Unwritten
The Grocer's Son
Karaoke Terror: The Complete Japanese Showa Songbook
Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains the Same (Blu-ray)
The Lion King 2 - Simba's Pride
Mama's Boy
Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns
Men in Black + Men in Black II
Millhouse: A White Comedy
Mon Oncle Antoine
Mr. Hoover and I
The Passion of Greg the Bunny: Best of the Film Parodies, Vol. 2
Satantango
Superhero Movie
Team Picture
Underground
RECOMMENDATIONS:
France Gall's got new pix Ce Noir Infiniment Noir: This means noir is the new black ... I know this because I took three years of French 1. In this section you will find a lot of movies that will make you want to throw on some Drakkar Noir so people can smell you before they see you, with titles like "Mouchette" and "Nights of Cabiria."
Shudder.
Skidmark hasn't updated his pix, it's been so long too, and it's weird 'cause all he has to do is ask someone to make him a sign for his section, but he never asks anyone.
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why it's not good to stare at people.
Later today I will probably pester someone on their lunch break trying to get a taste of their hot eats and cool treats and then accidentally fly into a Zip-lock bag at which point I will be thrown out with the leftovers. I will wind up back in the dumpster and most likely get smashed or die of suffocation. A lotta, lotta people think this is a sad life, but I think self-pitying bi-peds have it a lot worse, for example, if you were a male self-pitying bi-ped and a female self-pitying bi-ped liked you, but then one day she saw your car is a piece of sh** and stopped talking to you ... I think that would be far worse than the meager life I've led.
NEW RELEASES 07/15:
THE BANK JOB: Jason Statham stars as Jason Statham in this new movie that says, it's okay to steal as long as it's a lot of hard work and the mastermind betrays you. Just like "The Stander" this heist movie is based on real life incidents from the 70's, or around therein, I don't feel like looking it up. You get the point ... like you're reading this at all. Just like "The Stander."
MEET BILL: It's not every day that the best movie ever made comes out. Every once in a while a movie will come into the 'theque and I'll look at the cover and think it looks derivative of about a million other moves, but I'll check it out anyway out of curiosity. Such was the case with this fine gem and as it turns out, it's the best movie ever made. Aaron Eckhert plays Bill who you meet during the course of the movie who goes through some "American Beauty" kind of stuff and also some "Rushmore" kind of stuff and some "Half Baked" kind of stuff.
MONSIEUR VINCENT: My mood is really contingent upon how I'm treated by other people. The past few days have been particularly bad for me, so I was gonna write an angry blog, but between "The Bank Job" and "Meet Bill" a rare thing happened which was that someone treated me with some civility and then I was like, "I'm gonna write a positive blog," but then when I was about two-thirds of the way through "Meet Bill" someone took all that civility and just chucked it out the window and kicked me to the curb mentally and chewed their gum with their mouth open, so get ready for something that never stopped, which is some negativity which was not checked at the door. Instead it was brought through the door in a rolling suit case. But I digress.
Big time.
Anywhoo, this "Monsieur Vincent" ... just like these days, back in 1947 people were hog wild about the moving picture and what's better than a moving picture but a moving picture about a saint with a really wide brimmed hat. He's a humanitarian this Monsieur Vincent so he will no doubt be difficult to relate with.
PENELOPE: So Christina Ricci's all grown up and I guess there are some strange genetics in her family 'cause she's developed a pig snout instead of the human nose she used to have. Luckily someone took mercy and wrote a screenplay (a little insider info: a screenplay is the written part of the story that they film to make a movie) with her in mind so you can learn that it's okay to discriminate against people who are different. Plus, this movie has the added bonus of being family approved so you can watch it with your naive, sheltered children.
RENO 911 - SEASON 5: I've never been to Reno, but I hear lots of good things about it. I've also heard a lot of good things about this show, but have not watched it. I will watch it one of these days to research a TV show I'm writing called "Parking in Pasadena" where there are great places to park and for no reason it's illegal to park there, but people don't find out until after they have a ticket.
SHUTTER: Not to be confused with my auto-biography "Shudder," this film is keeping the "Hey, let's remake popular horror movies from overseas with American actors so we don't have to think for ourselves," money machine rolling. The kid from "The Mighty Ducks" stars as a young fellow who mysteriously has a high-paying job taking pictures of beautiful models. That happens. All the stuff from the Thai film of the same name happens, too, so if you like to not be surprised you can watch that one first.
STEP UP 2 THE STREETS: I feel like there should be a colon in this title but there's not. If this were called "Step Up 2: Life on the Streets," I'd watch it. I'm still not over "Top Hat" so I don't watch a lot of movies with dance numbers in them. Another title that would've gotten me to watch this would've been "Step Up 2: Electric Boogaloo."
TIMES AND WINDS: The cover of this movie looks like it's off the heazzzy and then you look at it for a while you realize it's not off the heazzzy and then you just feel betrayed. I was gonna read the summary on the back of this cover and give you the ol' description but the word "yoke" was in the synopsis and I'm vegan so I stopped reading.
THE YEAR MY PARENTS WENT ON VACATION: This movie has a lot of those branches of leaves that look like parentheses and notates that it was in certain film festivals or won awards in festivals. This signals to you that it's okay to watch it even though you don't know who Cao Hamburger is.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Adanggaman
Baby It's You
Batman Begins (Blu Ray)
Batman Gotham Knight
The Card Player + Do You Like Hitchcock?
Daddy, Darling
Forgiving the Franklins
The Free Will
The Freethinker
The Future is Unwritten
The Grocer's Son
Karaoke Terror: The Complete Japanese Showa Songbook
Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains the Same (Blu-ray)
The Lion King 2 - Simba's Pride
Mama's Boy
Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns
Men in Black + Men in Black II
Millhouse: A White Comedy
Mon Oncle Antoine
Mr. Hoover and I
The Passion of Greg the Bunny: Best of the Film Parodies, Vol. 2
Satantango
Superhero Movie
Team Picture
Underground
RECOMMENDATIONS:
France Gall's got new pix Ce Noir Infiniment Noir: This means noir is the new black ... I know this because I took three years of French 1. In this section you will find a lot of movies that will make you want to throw on some Drakkar Noir so people can smell you before they see you, with titles like "Mouchette" and "Nights of Cabiria."
Shudder.
Skidmark hasn't updated his pix, it's been so long too, and it's weird 'cause all he has to do is ask someone to make him a sign for his section, but he never asks anyone.
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why it's not good to stare at people.
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