hey While most of Southern California left their condos, beaches and starbucks to trek down to sweltering Coachella Valley this weekend, myself and about hmm, countless others decided to take it easy and selflessly let you have all the fun at this year's music fest. Now, I pride myself on sharing the beautiful, musical wealth, but be now warned: Lollapalooza is mine. HE! While I go and cry in a corner, here's something else for you throw in my face: jealousy also comes in brown:
The Chorus: This ain't your Zack Morris High School Glee Band. It's closer to Mr. Holland's Opus. Although it would be great if there was a French version of Screech running around saying "Zoiks-eur!" Anyways, a bunch of prepubescent boys sing their heart's desire in this heart-warming Frenchie. Bring it home for you, the family or even Michael Jackson. Zinger!
Enduring Love: I've told you since the beginning. Rhys Ifans is crazy! Look at his hair! After witnessing a Danny Deckchair-like accident with a balloon he falls madly in love not with hottie Samantha Morton, but the dude from Tomb Raider! If I was him, I'd be like, dude, I can't be with you. Let me serenade you with the following song: "Love hurts, love scars, Love wounds, and marks, Any heart, not tough, Or strong, enough To take a lot of pain, Take a lot of pain Love is like a cloud Holds a lot of rain Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts" Then he'd be off my jock, damn sure!
National Treasure: If you think this is full of predictable love story, unbelievable plots, overblown fx and too much of Nicolas Cage--your right, but let's not forget how well they've honored our forefathers. You just know Ben Franklin wanted to be a blockbuster hit. All sarcasm aside, I kinda liked it. but shhh, I'll get my ass whooped here if anybody finds out.
Phantom of Opera: Joel Schumacher's come a long way. From putting nipples on Batman's costume to capitalizing on the out-dated musical scene. Let me ask you one thing: Why is he still making movies? The producers should have said NO when they saw 8mm and Flawless on his resume. You should be ashamed Andrew Lloyd Webber, ashamed.
********************* Slim pickins this week I know, but we have new Staff Recs going up, also if you happened to be inside the building, don't look over our new wall! It's called, ahem: Older Titles New to DVD! Rolls right off your tongue doesn't it? Anyways, films that aren't exaclty new--say The Philadelphia Story--that have made their way to plastic will be stored here. So say hello to them.
Thank goodness I'm done, you're giving me finger cramps. bye
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, May 2, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
04:26 (sin tristeza)
He yall So they elected a new guy. You would think they would have it mind to get someone say, a tad bit younger. From what I also hear, there is this little bitty rumor of his treue to a certain, past, um, totalitarian regime circa 1940s. Hmmm... I'm no conspiracy theorist, nor some anti-christ, but I'm just saying is all. Anyways, while I rot away in hell here's something that will take your mind off my purgatory: It's hot down here:
The Assassination of Richard M. Nixon: Ok, the "M" really isn't in the title, but if the producers were going to be so succinct with the naming of this film, would an extra letter really of hurt? No. Plus, the "M" stands for Milhous! Sean Penn plays Samuel Bicke, yet another mentally disturbed character, as the boy who wants to crash an airliner into the white house! Crazy coincidence? I hope not, I hope Niels Mueller is on the run cuz here comes the fuzz!
Blade Trinity: Ex-Guy (from 2 guys, a girl and pizza parlor) Ryan Reynolds has stated that he hates Wesley Snipes cuz he's a dick. I'm inclined to agree with him. Apparently, Snipes was in character 24/7 and alienated everybody-including Reynolds. Now wouldn't it be ironic if Alanis came over to the set and whooped his ass? Nah, that would be just fortunate.
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events: Watch me tie the word "unfortunate" into the following: I happened to be on an unfortunate plane back from unfortunate Connecticut when unfortunate American Airlines made an unfortunate decision of playing this unfortunate movie. There's only so many words that I can handle in a title, and since Milhous ain't one of them, I'm outee.
The Manson Family: Blood, gore, sex and bald heads fill this movie. The latest attempt to encompass the fog of Manson. A culty appeal I can assumer, but man there is a ton of blood in this thing.
Undertow: David Gordon Green is my shining light. No, he's not, that title belongs to Lynne Ramsay, but hell he's pretty close. His latest is everything from thriller to 70s homage. It was quiet at the box office, but even Roger Ebert likes it--and he hates everything that doesn't have nudity. Recommended.
8888888888888888888888888888888
Well, it's a bit slow this week, so that's it. Please. Go. Home.
www.vidtheque.com
The Assassination of Richard M. Nixon: Ok, the "M" really isn't in the title, but if the producers were going to be so succinct with the naming of this film, would an extra letter really of hurt? No. Plus, the "M" stands for Milhous! Sean Penn plays Samuel Bicke, yet another mentally disturbed character, as the boy who wants to crash an airliner into the white house! Crazy coincidence? I hope not, I hope Niels Mueller is on the run cuz here comes the fuzz!
Blade Trinity: Ex-Guy (from 2 guys, a girl and pizza parlor) Ryan Reynolds has stated that he hates Wesley Snipes cuz he's a dick. I'm inclined to agree with him. Apparently, Snipes was in character 24/7 and alienated everybody-including Reynolds. Now wouldn't it be ironic if Alanis came over to the set and whooped his ass? Nah, that would be just fortunate.
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events: Watch me tie the word "unfortunate" into the following: I happened to be on an unfortunate plane back from unfortunate Connecticut when unfortunate American Airlines made an unfortunate decision of playing this unfortunate movie. There's only so many words that I can handle in a title, and since Milhous ain't one of them, I'm outee.
The Manson Family: Blood, gore, sex and bald heads fill this movie. The latest attempt to encompass the fog of Manson. A culty appeal I can assumer, but man there is a ton of blood in this thing.
Undertow: David Gordon Green is my shining light. No, he's not, that title belongs to Lynne Ramsay, but hell he's pretty close. His latest is everything from thriller to 70s homage. It was quiet at the box office, but even Roger Ebert likes it--and he hates everything that doesn't have nudity. Recommended.
8888888888888888888888888888888
Well, it's a bit slow this week, so that's it. Please. Go. Home.
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, April 18, 2005
04:19 (slowly, surely)
Hey gang Have you ever thought how great life can be if everyone drove at the speed you did? Yeah, it would awesome wouldn't it. Welps, seeing as I and maybe a select few have lead feet, my dreams are far from being reality. I remember once, ages ago, there was some talk and a design for a high that drives the car for you! Obviously it's some planner's sick joke to get us erected (not sexually you pervert) and tumble us back down. Sigh. I'm just ever so glad that tomorrow's releases will get me and Mike up in Seattle off the gas and on our ass(es). So enjoy these and the lymeric. I get car sick in boats:
Birth: Nicole "Yek" Kidman stars in Jonathan Glazer's thriller about the Buddhist belief of reincarnation. Some kid shows up at her door to lay claim that she is his wife and he, her dead husband. And I quote: "Sup, baby! Yo daddy's hear to ya hom and smack that!" Or to the effect of. Watch it to see how Kubrickian it is and awe at the wonders of aging in Ms. Lauren Bacall.
House of Flying Daggers: Sometimes I pride ourselves a little too much and think we are good. Damn good. But let's not be egotistical, it's just that we've had this mutha 4-eva! Albeit a Korean import, but hell, any which way you can. Anyways, swing on by and grab the official "american" copy.
Genealogies of a Crime: Cat Deneuve stars in Raoul Ruiz's 1997 release of a murder mystery. Michel Picoli co-stars. I don't have anything funny to say about this, so I am going to cut my losses and move on. Continuer..
A Lovesong for Bobby Long: I won't go into the details as to why they call him Bobby Long, but Scarlett Johansson is happy to be near him. Someone needs to call Jenny Jones and get John Travolta a make-over. Man, I'm not sure if that's make-up or what Scientology does to you. Damn you L. Ron Hubbard, what have you done to my Vinnie Barbarino!!
Meet The Fockers: So the ongoing joke in the world is to take the Fock and substitute it for another more famous four letter f-word. You see, it's funny because it's like you ARE cussing, but you AREN'T. Now, if there was no such thing as the word "fuck" that wouldn't be funny. But thanks to laws of semiotics, signs and signifiers-it is. Thank you Mr. Roland Barthes. In conjuction with the celebration, below I have listed possible euphemisms and adjectives to use on your loved ones. Enjoy: "Don't be such a dumbass you motherfocker!" "Put that donut down you focker!" "When I'm done with you, I'm gonna fock you, fock your mom and fock your third cousin--in the ear!" "Hey baby, ever focked like a wallaby before?" "Oh man, this movie's focked."
Primer: A surprising winner in my book, Primer is Shane Caruth's first outing into the world of Hollywood. I think he tops Vincent Gallo in wearing more hats in the production of this than anybody I've ever known. I came into this with no expectation of liking but left definitely happy. Now, I ain't painting you a picture out of gold or anything, but if you like an interesting, strange story and Donnie Darko than your in. But don't hold me to it.
A Red Bear: That was my nickname in high school because I was and am so damn cuddly. And when they tickled me, I turned red and ate them.
***************** Staff Recs Updated (kinda, hardly) Meg/Spiritual Solutions Kat/Some Kinda Love
That's it for now. Thank you for daring to be a part of this. Adieu
www.vidtheque.com
Birth: Nicole "Yek" Kidman stars in Jonathan Glazer's thriller about the Buddhist belief of reincarnation. Some kid shows up at her door to lay claim that she is his wife and he, her dead husband. And I quote: "Sup, baby! Yo daddy's hear to ya hom and smack that!" Or to the effect of. Watch it to see how Kubrickian it is and awe at the wonders of aging in Ms. Lauren Bacall.
House of Flying Daggers: Sometimes I pride ourselves a little too much and think we are good. Damn good. But let's not be egotistical, it's just that we've had this mutha 4-eva! Albeit a Korean import, but hell, any which way you can. Anyways, swing on by and grab the official "american" copy.
Genealogies of a Crime: Cat Deneuve stars in Raoul Ruiz's 1997 release of a murder mystery. Michel Picoli co-stars. I don't have anything funny to say about this, so I am going to cut my losses and move on. Continuer..
A Lovesong for Bobby Long: I won't go into the details as to why they call him Bobby Long, but Scarlett Johansson is happy to be near him. Someone needs to call Jenny Jones and get John Travolta a make-over. Man, I'm not sure if that's make-up or what Scientology does to you. Damn you L. Ron Hubbard, what have you done to my Vinnie Barbarino!!
Meet The Fockers: So the ongoing joke in the world is to take the Fock and substitute it for another more famous four letter f-word. You see, it's funny because it's like you ARE cussing, but you AREN'T. Now, if there was no such thing as the word "fuck" that wouldn't be funny. But thanks to laws of semiotics, signs and signifiers-it is. Thank you Mr. Roland Barthes. In conjuction with the celebration, below I have listed possible euphemisms and adjectives to use on your loved ones. Enjoy: "Don't be such a dumbass you motherfocker!" "Put that donut down you focker!" "When I'm done with you, I'm gonna fock you, fock your mom and fock your third cousin--in the ear!" "Hey baby, ever focked like a wallaby before?" "Oh man, this movie's focked."
Primer: A surprising winner in my book, Primer is Shane Caruth's first outing into the world of Hollywood. I think he tops Vincent Gallo in wearing more hats in the production of this than anybody I've ever known. I came into this with no expectation of liking but left definitely happy. Now, I ain't painting you a picture out of gold or anything, but if you like an interesting, strange story and Donnie Darko than your in. But don't hold me to it.
A Red Bear: That was my nickname in high school because I was and am so damn cuddly. And when they tickled me, I turned red and ate them.
***************** Staff Recs Updated (kinda, hardly) Meg/Spiritual Solutions Kat/Some Kinda Love
That's it for now. Thank you for daring to be a part of this. Adieu
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, April 11, 2005
04:12 (glorious return)
Woowee! Hey all You'll have to excuse me for missing last week's uppy, I was unfortunately incapacitated due to my misfortune involving a girl, a ball, and a slippery floor. D'oh! Anyways, since I know you've been waiting here on myspace.com salivating eagerly for our return, I can only do what I know best to repay you. So my friend, I encourage you to sit back, close your eyes and relax: Now you've spoiled it!
Bad Edumacation: The man known as Almodovar has returned with this widely-seen new feature entitled, Mala Educacion! Gael Garcia Bernal stars as a possible alter ego for Mr. Almoldovar(?) with mystery, film, and of course deviant sex. A bit too flashy for my taste, but if you notice carefully at the least hmm, 3-4 films of Almo, the "women" dwindle by every film. It's kind of ironic too, seeing as his biggest fanbase are those ubiquitous desperate housewives. (yek!)
Criminal: I don't give a flying crap what you say about this man, but I looooveee John C. Reilly. And apparently so does Mr. P.T. Anderson. Welps, this flick is of course a remake of the nice Argentinian Nine Queens. It's full of tricks, cons, laughs and Maggie Gyllenhaal. That should be enough for you so go on, get outta here.
Dig!: [Their !, not mine.] Eagerly anticipated by hipsters and sub-par musical lovers everywhere, this doc tracks the love/hate/hate relationship of The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. If you are familiar with their music, I'm sorry, but if you ain't this doc would surely keep you entertained or at least occupied for two hours. See, what they should've done was make a doc about Hall/Oats v. Air Supply. There's more cat fighting in that than an Almodovar flick! In any case, rent it, buy it, and then go to Amoeba and ask Joel Glion to sign your copy. He'll love you dude!
Hotel Rwanda: Don "The Chameleon" Cheadle stars in this critically lauded indie about the Rwandian incident. It's good when films also serve as history books. I still have no clue what the 'incident' is. Maybe I should educate myself and take a gander. Or only half watch it while I go on friendster(!), but then that would be bad education wouldn't it! Ha!
Ocean's Twelve: I think of these guys as the new Rat Pack. It must've been hard making this movie, drudging away to set via limo, having to wait on the yacht submitting to meals of caviar and champagne. Jeez, and here I thought Soderbergh hadn't lost his humility.
Suspect Zero: Ghandi himself stars as a mass murderer on the loose while two naive FiBIs try too bring him to justice. One of them is played by Aaron Eckhart and I hate that guy.
The Woodsman: I wanted to catch this one at the boxxx office but ran out of time. Kevin and his Bacon star as a reformed? pedophile erst while Ben Bratt keeps an eerie, almost sexual eye on him as he lives near a school. Good idea huh? Kyra Sedgwick wants his lovin. See? It's a perfect date movie!
*********************** And that's about it, I think you our staff picks this time 'round, but I'll go ahead and repeat them for you.
They are: Mark/Foreign Film Fiesta Rick/Double Crossing Dames Andy/The Strokes Mega/Who do you think you are? (which is in the process of dismantling) Elise/See ya, Wouldn't Wanna be Ya! (she's gone) Jesse/Infotainment Kat/My Favorite Boys
I think that brings us to the end. Go out, buy yourself a mini, and live the splendid world. Now get off our myspace property. Ciao!
www.vidtheque.com
Bad Edumacation: The man known as Almodovar has returned with this widely-seen new feature entitled, Mala Educacion! Gael Garcia Bernal stars as a possible alter ego for Mr. Almoldovar(?) with mystery, film, and of course deviant sex. A bit too flashy for my taste, but if you notice carefully at the least hmm, 3-4 films of Almo, the "women" dwindle by every film. It's kind of ironic too, seeing as his biggest fanbase are those ubiquitous desperate housewives. (yek!)
Criminal: I don't give a flying crap what you say about this man, but I looooveee John C. Reilly. And apparently so does Mr. P.T. Anderson. Welps, this flick is of course a remake of the nice Argentinian Nine Queens. It's full of tricks, cons, laughs and Maggie Gyllenhaal. That should be enough for you so go on, get outta here.
Dig!: [Their !, not mine.] Eagerly anticipated by hipsters and sub-par musical lovers everywhere, this doc tracks the love/hate/hate relationship of The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. If you are familiar with their music, I'm sorry, but if you ain't this doc would surely keep you entertained or at least occupied for two hours. See, what they should've done was make a doc about Hall/Oats v. Air Supply. There's more cat fighting in that than an Almodovar flick! In any case, rent it, buy it, and then go to Amoeba and ask Joel Glion to sign your copy. He'll love you dude!
Hotel Rwanda: Don "The Chameleon" Cheadle stars in this critically lauded indie about the Rwandian incident. It's good when films also serve as history books. I still have no clue what the 'incident' is. Maybe I should educate myself and take a gander. Or only half watch it while I go on friendster(!), but then that would be bad education wouldn't it! Ha!
Ocean's Twelve: I think of these guys as the new Rat Pack. It must've been hard making this movie, drudging away to set via limo, having to wait on the yacht submitting to meals of caviar and champagne. Jeez, and here I thought Soderbergh hadn't lost his humility.
Suspect Zero: Ghandi himself stars as a mass murderer on the loose while two naive FiBIs try too bring him to justice. One of them is played by Aaron Eckhart and I hate that guy.
The Woodsman: I wanted to catch this one at the boxxx office but ran out of time. Kevin and his Bacon star as a reformed? pedophile erst while Ben Bratt keeps an eerie, almost sexual eye on him as he lives near a school. Good idea huh? Kyra Sedgwick wants his lovin. See? It's a perfect date movie!
*********************** And that's about it, I think you our staff picks this time 'round, but I'll go ahead and repeat them for you.
They are: Mark/Foreign Film Fiesta Rick/Double Crossing Dames Andy/The Strokes Mega/Who do you think you are? (which is in the process of dismantling) Elise/See ya, Wouldn't Wanna be Ya! (she's gone) Jesse/Infotainment Kat/My Favorite Boys
I think that brings us to the end. Go out, buy yourself a mini, and live the splendid world. Now get off our myspace property. Ciao!
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, March 28, 2005
03:29
Heyall So I feel a bit refreshed. There was no life-threatening emergency last week, it was that I sir, had skipped out of town. So my apologies for those avid readers. Seeing as that Club VT has ventured into the advertising market and has completed their very own commercial! Yes, so let us celebrate, dance smooth and suave, and enjoy the way the rain lands on the top of our heads! Certainly, maybe, possibly...
After the Sunset: On my short hiatus from this wretched place(!), the wonderful airline I was trapped in decided to screen this gem. When they announced the feature, I exclaimed with glee, picked up my book and read the rest of the way home. Closer: Speaking of wretched things, the characters in this film seem to live in that vile piece of land. Sexual politics and vendettas collide in this hot ticket brought to you by Mr. Mike Nichols. Featuring the wonderful acting talent of Clive Owen, and then that of Jude Law, Patalie Nortman, and Ms. Lips herself, Julia Roberts. To prepare herself for the part, Julia Roberts had Jude Law kick her in the balls.
Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse: Man, this sounds sooo goth. Reminds me of my ol' high school days. Also a former VT employee. Shh. I remember we would go to the Colorado River, sacrifice one of the witches and christen the river, The Crimson River. And then we got bored and decided to play Contra or Metroid. Remember the feeling you got when you found out in Metroid that she was a girl?! Those were the days.
Orgazmo!: Yes, I know this came out ages ago when Mormons were funny. But it has finally made it out to DVD, which means you can pause and rewind all those gorgeous babes as they are 'rescued' by Orgazmo. Features tons of zany, unsuitable-for-all-viewers commentary and plenty of other preversitivty.
Vera Drake: Oscar's long-shot at winning the best actress nod this year, this tiny little film by VT's fave Mike Leigh. This scripted/unscripted epic follows Mrs. Drake as she helps those in need by committing black market abortions. Sounds like a future Veggie-Tales episode to me. The giant Cucumber hides in London's streets as the Artichoke attempts to abort the Peppers unborn seedling. They are then arrested and sentenced to death on a long, swealtering skewer. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
*********************** New Staff Recs!! YES!! We have overthrown those Oscar Nods and commited an act of self-endulgence! Here are the fruits of our labor!
Mark: Forgein Film Fiesta: Consider it a taco salad of foreign films. Picking his favorites and best of the best fromt he world has to offer. This section reminds me of the painting shows at MOCA. Check out Mark's section to enjoy films that make you go "yeesss."
Andy: The Strokes: No, not the band. This topic is too sensitive to discuss therefore I will let you figure out Andy's sick joke. *Please Note that Andy's sense of humor does not reflect the rest of those who are employed here at Videotheque.
Meg: Who Do You Think You Are?: Feeling like you have a personality conflict? Not feeling yourself these days? Well, come sulk with one of the characters from Meg's section. Amensia, Denial, Illness...it's all here baby.
Elise: See ya! Wouldn't Want to be Ya!: For the last time, enjoy's Elise's pick. As reiterated by her section, she has moved on to better pastures and has ditched us all, like dust in the wind. Pay your respects to her by check out her swan songs of staff picks.
Introducing, Jessie: Infotainment: New girl Jessie has arrived in lieu of Elise's departure. She has already grabbed the store by the horns and called it it's bitch. She made it bark and yell out the best Documentaries it can think of. The resulting spouts are displayed here in all it's glory in her inagaural selection of recs. Make her feel welcome. So YES! back to our bad selves.
I hope you had a great Easter by laughing. Be good and don't be a stranger. go home.
www.vidtheque.com
After the Sunset: On my short hiatus from this wretched place(!), the wonderful airline I was trapped in decided to screen this gem. When they announced the feature, I exclaimed with glee, picked up my book and read the rest of the way home. Closer: Speaking of wretched things, the characters in this film seem to live in that vile piece of land. Sexual politics and vendettas collide in this hot ticket brought to you by Mr. Mike Nichols. Featuring the wonderful acting talent of Clive Owen, and then that of Jude Law, Patalie Nortman, and Ms. Lips herself, Julia Roberts. To prepare herself for the part, Julia Roberts had Jude Law kick her in the balls.
Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse: Man, this sounds sooo goth. Reminds me of my ol' high school days. Also a former VT employee. Shh. I remember we would go to the Colorado River, sacrifice one of the witches and christen the river, The Crimson River. And then we got bored and decided to play Contra or Metroid. Remember the feeling you got when you found out in Metroid that she was a girl?! Those were the days.
Orgazmo!: Yes, I know this came out ages ago when Mormons were funny. But it has finally made it out to DVD, which means you can pause and rewind all those gorgeous babes as they are 'rescued' by Orgazmo. Features tons of zany, unsuitable-for-all-viewers commentary and plenty of other preversitivty.
Vera Drake: Oscar's long-shot at winning the best actress nod this year, this tiny little film by VT's fave Mike Leigh. This scripted/unscripted epic follows Mrs. Drake as she helps those in need by committing black market abortions. Sounds like a future Veggie-Tales episode to me. The giant Cucumber hides in London's streets as the Artichoke attempts to abort the Peppers unborn seedling. They are then arrested and sentenced to death on a long, swealtering skewer. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
*********************** New Staff Recs!! YES!! We have overthrown those Oscar Nods and commited an act of self-endulgence! Here are the fruits of our labor!
Mark: Forgein Film Fiesta: Consider it a taco salad of foreign films. Picking his favorites and best of the best fromt he world has to offer. This section reminds me of the painting shows at MOCA. Check out Mark's section to enjoy films that make you go "yeesss."
Andy: The Strokes: No, not the band. This topic is too sensitive to discuss therefore I will let you figure out Andy's sick joke. *Please Note that Andy's sense of humor does not reflect the rest of those who are employed here at Videotheque.
Meg: Who Do You Think You Are?: Feeling like you have a personality conflict? Not feeling yourself these days? Well, come sulk with one of the characters from Meg's section. Amensia, Denial, Illness...it's all here baby.
Elise: See ya! Wouldn't Want to be Ya!: For the last time, enjoy's Elise's pick. As reiterated by her section, she has moved on to better pastures and has ditched us all, like dust in the wind. Pay your respects to her by check out her swan songs of staff picks.
Introducing, Jessie: Infotainment: New girl Jessie has arrived in lieu of Elise's departure. She has already grabbed the store by the horns and called it it's bitch. She made it bark and yell out the best Documentaries it can think of. The resulting spouts are displayed here in all it's glory in her inagaural selection of recs. Make her feel welcome. So YES! back to our bad selves.
I hope you had a great Easter by laughing. Be good and don't be a stranger. go home.
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, March 14, 2005
03:15 (healthy misgivings)
Hey'all So a monkey attacked a neighbor of mine. He reportedly lost several important elements from his body and is in crucial decision. I did not here the news first, it was actually told to me, but when my lady friend spilled the beans, I couldn't help but laugh a little. I got the: "Don't laugh! Its not funny!"... Yeah, I know, I shouldn't of, but it was kinda funny. A monkey! While I burn in hell, here's something for you to chew on: Broccoli is a good source of iron!
Alfie: Smarmy-ass Jude Law is a pimpin' bachelor in this not-so-witty remake. If you didn't know how sexy he was before this, then watch all these gorgeous young and old women fall in love with him and bump uglies. Then, you'll know who Jude Law is. And when you find out, go share the news with Chris Rock. Sean Penn will love you for it.
A Fond Kiss: Quiet but store-fave Ken Loach returns with his tenth film this year!! No, really this is his first, but that man pops them out like corn. I think he's got Michael Winterbottom just about beat. Loach and his D.P. should tie their legs together, as well Winterbottom and his, and race the three-legged 100 meter dash. And as Team Winterbottom approaches the finish line, Loach will throw his DP into them, trip them and cross gloriously over the line. And being no gracious winner, he'll turn around and laugh at his name and excl.. "Is it cold down there, Winterbottom?!"
The Incredibles: Every review or blurb of this film is usually followed by "incredible." Not so original is it? so I will strive to avoid that word in an effort to bring you a not-as-lame review. Let's begin: Pixar's latest is a testament to their genius. The awesome rendering of characters AND story is rare in all the other CGI junk. No Shark Tale this is. Take this home and enjoy the wonder that is the animated bloopers! See, it wasn't THAT lame.
What the Bleep Do We Know?: Everyone says this is amazing. I say, get a better title, and then maybe it'll be amazing. Also, get a better designer for your cover. Your current one didn't know jack. Anyways, What The Yowzoo is a doc that eats narrative and poops out animation. It'll take you through the world of quantam physics that Mr. Hawking might have missed and leave you wishing that Einstein was still alive to explain it to you. Now that would be another awesome three-legged race.
******** Note: I know that the New Releases have been a little weak sauce as of late, but you should understand that just because I don't write about them, doesn't mean they don't exist. Meaning, we get tons of new crap in everyday, and I'd be a mad man to try to catalog them all. Plus, I'm a tad bit lazy and that's too much work. So if you don't hear or see it, drop us a line and we shall let you know for sure. Deal?
And that's it, next week we just might, maybe, possibly have new Staff Recs. It could happen. take care of yourself. ti amo.
www.vidtheque.com
Alfie: Smarmy-ass Jude Law is a pimpin' bachelor in this not-so-witty remake. If you didn't know how sexy he was before this, then watch all these gorgeous young and old women fall in love with him and bump uglies. Then, you'll know who Jude Law is. And when you find out, go share the news with Chris Rock. Sean Penn will love you for it.
A Fond Kiss: Quiet but store-fave Ken Loach returns with his tenth film this year!! No, really this is his first, but that man pops them out like corn. I think he's got Michael Winterbottom just about beat. Loach and his D.P. should tie their legs together, as well Winterbottom and his, and race the three-legged 100 meter dash. And as Team Winterbottom approaches the finish line, Loach will throw his DP into them, trip them and cross gloriously over the line. And being no gracious winner, he'll turn around and laugh at his name and excl.. "Is it cold down there, Winterbottom?!"
The Incredibles: Every review or blurb of this film is usually followed by "incredible." Not so original is it? so I will strive to avoid that word in an effort to bring you a not-as-lame review. Let's begin: Pixar's latest is a testament to their genius. The awesome rendering of characters AND story is rare in all the other CGI junk. No Shark Tale this is. Take this home and enjoy the wonder that is the animated bloopers! See, it wasn't THAT lame.
What the Bleep Do We Know?: Everyone says this is amazing. I say, get a better title, and then maybe it'll be amazing. Also, get a better designer for your cover. Your current one didn't know jack. Anyways, What The Yowzoo is a doc that eats narrative and poops out animation. It'll take you through the world of quantam physics that Mr. Hawking might have missed and leave you wishing that Einstein was still alive to explain it to you. Now that would be another awesome three-legged race.
******** Note: I know that the New Releases have been a little weak sauce as of late, but you should understand that just because I don't write about them, doesn't mean they don't exist. Meaning, we get tons of new crap in everyday, and I'd be a mad man to try to catalog them all. Plus, I'm a tad bit lazy and that's too much work. So if you don't hear or see it, drop us a line and we shall let you know for sure. Deal?
And that's it, next week we just might, maybe, possibly have new Staff Recs. It could happen. take care of yourself. ti amo.
www.vidtheque.com
Monday, March 7, 2005
03:08 (hey tough guy)
Hejdo I have Animal Collective's Queen in my Pictures playing behind me, and I can't help but think how much enjoyment those folks get out of doing such silly little things. I suppose I'll never know, 'specially since VTers aren't letting me in on the gag. Oh well, to hell with them! No I keed, I love them, er like them, so no harm no foul. Whatever. Anyways, it's either my bad case of menopause or the heat that's dragging me down, but my collar's feeling like a hot plate, and I be running around in circles here at VTland. Our governor doesn't believe in energy, so I suppose I can kiss the A/C adios. A big, fat one with tongue. Now that I've turned you on, read this with a sexy voice, and think of me in lace: Ohh yeah, that's the ticket:
Bright Future: Japan's other Kurosawa (Kiyoshi; who I bet hates it when he's referred to by the "other Kurosawa." Eh) brings us his latest story about crazy people. Although this isn't his typical suspense/horror motif, it certainly isn't Tampopo. Ingredients: Two Men; Jellyfish; A Murder; Dead-end Jobs; and some girl. See? That's not horror, horror would be the look on my mom's face when I erupted out of there. :(
Fear X: Let me quote Rick once again: "Did you know they made nine sequels to Fear [with Marky Mark], and they've reached the 10th one starring John Turturro?" Well, that is indeed incorrect, from what I know, it has nothing to do with Fear or that Rollercoaster scene, but by the looks of the cover, they seem to want to capitalize on Depp's and JT's success with Secret Window. And can you believe I got all that simply by looking at the cover? That's to you, Mr. Roland Barthes. (*Note: When pronouncing Barthes, the "s" is silent).
The Hillz: I won't say much about this thang, but it stars Paris Hilton. But I'm sure most of you have seen Hilton's better performance in her other "film."
The I Inside: Winner of the 2004 Academy Award for Best Foreign... Meh? Oh that would be the SEA inside! How silly of me. I have no idea where this came from, nor do I really care, but it's good to see that Ryan Phillipe's sub-par career hasn't gone completely down the drain. Well, let's not kid ourselves, after all, the ladies did love Gosford Park. Too bad their ears weren't able to pick up all the dialogue. Anyways, The I Inside....hmm...oh yes! it's a taut psychological thriller with a killer ending! The box compares it to Memento, except it's not backwards told.
Ladder 49: Wouldn't it be cool if the building that was on fire was the Scientology HQ on Melrose (or is Sunset)? And John Travolta runs out instead of the kids and people, he has stacks of Dianetics in his hands. That would be totally rad. I would pay to see that. Oh! and Joaquin Phoenix is singing Hey Ya by Outkast all the while trying to remember how he got into the business to begin with, and then concludes: "I'm getting to old for this." Boy that would be the best!
Stage Beauty: I wonder what Chris Rock would say about this particular item. I'm sure he'd love it, but only after the media makes certain they have their sound byte. He'd probably say something to the effect of: "Only straight black men will love this movie!" And then the Israelies and Palestinians will kiss and make up, Travolta's hair mystery will be solved, and my head will explode from such wonderment in this world.
****** Our Staff Recs are disabled at the moment for those glory hogs (oscar nominees) but they should be up in no time.
and that will conclude this week's blog blogger. Get out and get made.
www.vidtheque.com
Bright Future: Japan's other Kurosawa (Kiyoshi; who I bet hates it when he's referred to by the "other Kurosawa." Eh) brings us his latest story about crazy people. Although this isn't his typical suspense/horror motif, it certainly isn't Tampopo. Ingredients: Two Men; Jellyfish; A Murder; Dead-end Jobs; and some girl. See? That's not horror, horror would be the look on my mom's face when I erupted out of there. :(
Fear X: Let me quote Rick once again: "Did you know they made nine sequels to Fear [with Marky Mark], and they've reached the 10th one starring John Turturro?" Well, that is indeed incorrect, from what I know, it has nothing to do with Fear or that Rollercoaster scene, but by the looks of the cover, they seem to want to capitalize on Depp's and JT's success with Secret Window. And can you believe I got all that simply by looking at the cover? That's to you, Mr. Roland Barthes. (*Note: When pronouncing Barthes, the "s" is silent).
The Hillz: I won't say much about this thang, but it stars Paris Hilton. But I'm sure most of you have seen Hilton's better performance in her other "film."
The I Inside: Winner of the 2004 Academy Award for Best Foreign... Meh? Oh that would be the SEA inside! How silly of me. I have no idea where this came from, nor do I really care, but it's good to see that Ryan Phillipe's sub-par career hasn't gone completely down the drain. Well, let's not kid ourselves, after all, the ladies did love Gosford Park. Too bad their ears weren't able to pick up all the dialogue. Anyways, The I Inside....hmm...oh yes! it's a taut psychological thriller with a killer ending! The box compares it to Memento, except it's not backwards told.
Ladder 49: Wouldn't it be cool if the building that was on fire was the Scientology HQ on Melrose (or is Sunset)? And John Travolta runs out instead of the kids and people, he has stacks of Dianetics in his hands. That would be totally rad. I would pay to see that. Oh! and Joaquin Phoenix is singing Hey Ya by Outkast all the while trying to remember how he got into the business to begin with, and then concludes: "I'm getting to old for this." Boy that would be the best!
Stage Beauty: I wonder what Chris Rock would say about this particular item. I'm sure he'd love it, but only after the media makes certain they have their sound byte. He'd probably say something to the effect of: "Only straight black men will love this movie!" And then the Israelies and Palestinians will kiss and make up, Travolta's hair mystery will be solved, and my head will explode from such wonderment in this world.
****** Our Staff Recs are disabled at the moment for those glory hogs (oscar nominees) but they should be up in no time.
and that will conclude this week's blog blogger. Get out and get made.
www.vidtheque.com
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