And that's when she looked at me and said, she said, "Why did you just throw your video camera in the ocean?"
I looked her right in the eye and I told her it like it was, I said, "Owning a video camera is like owning a pickup. Everybody wants to borrow it when they move."
She looked at me, somewhat confused and asked, "How's that like owning a video camera?"
"Well," I started, "everybody wants to borrow it whenever they have some milestone commemorating ceremony, like say, a wedding for example."
She looked at me, somewhat saddened and a tear rolled down her cheek as she said, "But, Honey, it's our wedding."
I stepped back, out of her embrace and I said, "Look, baby, this isn't quite the way I envisioned my future."
"How ... how did you envision it?" She was in shock.
I answered, "Oh, hangin' with my buddies, strolling through construction sites, drinking orange juice out of the carton, harassing retail clerks..."
She interrupted, "But ... but, I'm a ... a ... retail clerk."
And that's when I said it, I said, "Well, that's your tough luck, then, isn't it?" And I walked away, and added, "See you, on the battleground, sweetheart."
NEW RELEASES 09/16:
88 MINUTES: Al Pacino makes "Cellular" look like "Newsies" in this new movie where he plays Al Pacino getting a call on his cell phone from the voice from "Scream" saying, "You're going to die in 88 minutes. Tick. Tock." There used to be a Color Me Badd song, "I Wanna Sex You Up." My recently estranged wife-to-be used to listen to Color Me Badd in the early 90's. I used to hate them, but my point is, I think, "I Wanna Sex You Up," started out with somebody saying, "tick, tock," or something like that. I don't want to listen to it again to find out. But my real point is, it's not very scary, people saying, "tick, tock," so I don't know about this movie. But I will watch it anyway in a double feature with "Cellular" and then afterwards wonder why I feel bad about myself.
BEFORE THE RAINS: If you're at all like Ismail Merchant, you'd probably love to have your last name tossed around posthumously so that the living can continue to capitalize on your good name. Such is the case with this wet t-shirt contest set in India.
THE EARRINGS OF MADAME DE... : When I was in film school (which by the way is a very lucrative academic choice), they made us watch some film that the teacher just called, "Madame De..." I don't know if this is the same movie or if there is some sort of "Madame De..." series. I'm too lazy to read the cover to find out, and I'm too scared of other human beings to ask them, so I just don't know. I do not know.
FINDING AMANDA: Speaking of not knowing. George C. Scott stars as a father looking for his missing daughter who went on a trip to Knott's Berry Farm and never came home, only to find that she has been submerged into the underground world of hardcore porn. Oh ... sorry, wrong movie. Matthew Broderick plays a dude who goes to Vegas to try and coax his niece played by Brittany Snow to go into rehab. This movie's cover looks bad. Almost like the people making the cover wanted it to look bad. I actually saw one of my nieces over the weekend, at my botched wedding to be exact. I think she's like 4, though, so she doesn't really need rehabilitation. She just wants her doll. And a pack of cigarettes.
KABLUEY: Because of my botched wedding, I missed a lot of the new releases. Actually, all of the new releases. This "Kabluey" I was really looking forward to. Many years ago somebody likened me to the dopey, big-headed robot in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." I no longer speak to that person. I don't know what it is, but when things remind me of people, I don't go around telling that person, 'cause it usually never fits with that person's self-image and therefore can only result in disappointment. For instance, like if you're friends with someone who reminds you of Joseph Stalin, you don't go around saying it to their face. That is unless your intention is to offend said person. For example, later today I'll be hanging out with Joseph Stalin's grandson and I plan to tell him that he reminds me of Stalin, but that's because I'm mad at him 'cause he stole my niece's doll. But I digress, so I was offended, but then I saw the trailer for this "Kabluey" and saw a dopey, big-headed blue guy and I thought, "Man, I really identify with the seclusion and isolation that this dopey, big-headed blue guy is experiencing," and so therefore I was anticipating this film's release. But I blew it by going to my lame wedding. So, if this experience taught me one thing, it's that if someone proposes to you, no matter what, you should say, "No," and watch movies instead.
THE LOVE GURU: Sometimes after me and my buddies are done roaming through construction sites, drinking orange juice out of the carton, we liked to wander past movie theaters and look at the posters so we can figure out what we're going to rent at Videotheque three months from then. Three months ago there was a poster there for "The Love Guru" and I noticed that it was coming out the same exact day as "Get Smart" and I was like, "Man, dude, this movie distribution company is cruising for a bruisin'." I'm no connoisseur of fine comedies but I know if I have to choose between these two I'd take along walk off a short pier and make like a tree and leave. But it seems as though the folks behind this fine cinema have brightened up since then 'cause now it's coming out on DVD! Get excited for the DVD! And that "Get Smart" is nowhere to be found. So kill time before "Get Smart" comes out on DVD by watching a bunch of leftover Austin Powers jokes.
MADE OF HONOR: It's a play on words you see. It's "Made" not "Maid," get it?!?! If you saw "My Best Friend's Wedding," that's basically what you're looking at here. This stuff never happens in real life. In real life when your friends are getting married and then you decide during the ceremony that you love them, it doesn't work. They then hate you for the rest of your life. Believe me, I tried.
LE PLAISIR: Max Ophuls, the director of that "Madame de..." movie that I'm not sure if I saw, turns up the heat in this adaptation of three short stories. I was reading the plot summary on this one and it says that the first story is about an old man who wears a mask of youth at a dance hall to extend his youthful memories. What a great idea! I'm gonna do that! I doubt anyone will think it's weird that I'm wearing a mask.
THE RAPE OF EUROPA: If you're at all like me, probably when you see a movie with the word "rape" in the title, you're probably like, "Hey, honey, get the kids, we're goin' to a matinee!" Apparently some art got stole by the Third Reich during WWII, and this is about such goings-on. Damn Nazis. They should make a movie where some Nazis are stealing a priceless artifact and then an archeology professor who happens to carry a whip around for no reason chases them down and closes his eyes while they turn to clay-mation and then melt.
SNOW ANGELS: Every now and then a movie comes along where you don't know what it is and then you look up what it's about so you can write your lame blog entry about it (yeah, that's right, I said it), and then you realize you would've liked to've seen it, and then you're just left wondering why you're such an inattentive idiot. David Gordon Green directs Sam Rockwell and Kate Beckinsale in this film adaptation of Stewart O'Nan's novel. If you are illiterate, now you can watch the movie!
SPEED RACER: You know, I spend a lot of time at Videotheque and whenever some kid in the Retro Kids section has pressed the microchip button on the cover of the animated "Speed Racer" series box that plays the theme song for the upteenth billionth time, I says to myself, I says, "Know what I could really go for?! SOME MORE OF THAT!!!" Finally, the Wachowski Brothers return from their early retirement and Emile Hirsch returns from the wild to make it happen!
TORCHWOOD - SEASON 2: If you're at all like me, you're probably too preoccupied with the fact that you somehow unknowingly befriended Joseph Stalin's grandson and he's systematically destroying your life, to know what this show is. If you're not me, you probably don't have that problem and therefore know what this is and enjoy it 'cause it fills a void left long ago by E.T.
YOUNG@HEART: If you're at all like me, when you watched "Cocoon" back in the 80's, you probably thought to yourself, "This movie's okay, but I wish these people would forget about the damn alien in the pool and just do some singin'!" Sorry I've said "damn" so much today, I'm just very emotional right now on account of my impending encounter with Joseph Stalin's grandson. But I digress. If that's the case, this movie is for you! Real life old folks get their sing on in this doc! It's okay for me to call them "old folks" 'cause I am an old folk myself.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
The Best of New Wave Theatre
Boomerang
Drakmar: A Vassal's Journey
Dusty Springfield Live at the BBC
Frontline - The Meth Epidemic
Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
Julia Child! America's Favorite Chef
Nancy Sinatra Video Anthology
Paul and Pauline Calf's Cheese and Ham Sandwich
Rodan: War of the Gargantuas
Speed Racer (Blu-ray)
The Star Wars Holiday Special
Tom Waits: Big Time
Towards Darkness
Transformers (Blu-ray)
Vladmir and Rosa
Wind From the East
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why on the November ballot I'll be introducing legislation to make it illegal to carry DVD cases in your pits.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Guess what guys, it’s time to embrace the horror!
When I'm at work, I'm usually getting psychologically abused by coworkers. When I'm not at work, I'm usually getting psychologically abused by my friends. Because of that, there's only one time each week, for a half an hour, including commercials, where I get to get away from it all, and no I'm not talking about Cheers. I'm talking about "At the Movies" with Ebert & Roeper. I watched it all the time since I was just a young kid, only being psychologically abused by my family and kids at school. Just hearing the theme song alone makes me nostalgic.
So, this week, I unsuspectingly tuned in and that old theme song that used to get me misty had been replaced by something with a little less personality and Roeper and the guy standing in for Ebert had been replaced by some soulless automatons. I watched them review a couple movies and that's how I knew they had no souls because they were just going through the motions of what they've heard other reviewers say about other movies.
Then the worst part was when they reviewed "Babylon AD" they had a panel of three more soulless automatons piped in via satellite and they actually argued their opinions as fact. They were really fighting over who's opinion of a Vin Diesel movie was more valid. R.I.P. "At the Movies." Way to blow it, Buena Vista.
NEW RELEASES 09/09:
BABY MAMA: Do you remember the time when "Deep Impact" and "Armageddon" came out. Like Paramount heard that "Armageddon" was being made so they rushed to make a film on the same topic and get it out before "Armageddon." Such is the case with "Juno" and "Baby Mama." Diablo Cody heard that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were making a movie about a surrogate mother and so she rushed to make "Juno" to come out first. Which is better? I don't know, but "Baby Mama" is fun to quote moments before someone psychologically abuses you.
THE FALL: There used to be a time where when I wanted to watch "The Princess Bride" and look at Ben Osborne photographs and "The Princess Bride" was checked out, I was at a loss and just did not know what to do, but now when that happens, I can just watch this instead. Usually I'd say some more trite things, but Tarsem's my home boy and he seems to have some sort of cult following, so I fear that any dissent on my part, i.e.: having an opinion would result in an angry mob similar to the gang of critics on the newly revamped "At the Movies," so therefore I'm just gonna shut it. Unlike this guy...
HECKLER: A lot of people hate Jamie Kennedy for no good reason. I don't! I saw the "Scream" movies. He told the killer in those "Scream" movies to F off and therefore he is cool in my book. With this documentary, my opinion of him has really improved. When I watched this documentary I nearly shed a tear because it examines the prevalence of hate for hate's sake. It really makes you hate people who hate people. Kind of like the way I hate all the new critics on "At the Movies."
UGLY BETTY - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show, but I hate it. I'm just kidding. I'm sort of imitating some people interviewed in "Heckler." I haven't seen this show, but I think it's good. I think a series that shows that it's okay to be ugly is good 'cause maybe if enough people start to realize that, I will get psychologically abused less.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
You might be thinking that the list of New Releases is kind of short. Is it on purpose? I don't know. Maybe I was in a hurry. Maybe I'm sad. Maybe I am going to go cry now.
The Bill Douglas Trilogy
Camp Rock
The Fall (Blu-ray)
Flying Leathernecks
The Forbidden Kingdom
Gesualdo - Death for Five Voices
The Good Fight: The Abraham Lincoln Brigade in the Spanish Civil War
Living With Ed - Season 2
Lord Jim
On the Ecstasy of Ski-Flying: Werner Herzog in Conversation with Karen Beckman
Outsourced
The Promotion
Street Kings
Sukiyaki Western Django
Sunshine Superman - The Journey of Donovan
Toys Are Us: A Revolution In Plastic
The Best of... What's Left of... Not Only... But Also...
Winston Churchill
Yes Minister
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why it's not polite to stare.
So, this week, I unsuspectingly tuned in and that old theme song that used to get me misty had been replaced by something with a little less personality and Roeper and the guy standing in for Ebert had been replaced by some soulless automatons. I watched them review a couple movies and that's how I knew they had no souls because they were just going through the motions of what they've heard other reviewers say about other movies.
Then the worst part was when they reviewed "Babylon AD" they had a panel of three more soulless automatons piped in via satellite and they actually argued their opinions as fact. They were really fighting over who's opinion of a Vin Diesel movie was more valid. R.I.P. "At the Movies." Way to blow it, Buena Vista.
NEW RELEASES 09/09:
BABY MAMA: Do you remember the time when "Deep Impact" and "Armageddon" came out. Like Paramount heard that "Armageddon" was being made so they rushed to make a film on the same topic and get it out before "Armageddon." Such is the case with "Juno" and "Baby Mama." Diablo Cody heard that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were making a movie about a surrogate mother and so she rushed to make "Juno" to come out first. Which is better? I don't know, but "Baby Mama" is fun to quote moments before someone psychologically abuses you.
THE FALL: There used to be a time where when I wanted to watch "The Princess Bride" and look at Ben Osborne photographs and "The Princess Bride" was checked out, I was at a loss and just did not know what to do, but now when that happens, I can just watch this instead. Usually I'd say some more trite things, but Tarsem's my home boy and he seems to have some sort of cult following, so I fear that any dissent on my part, i.e.: having an opinion would result in an angry mob similar to the gang of critics on the newly revamped "At the Movies," so therefore I'm just gonna shut it. Unlike this guy...
HECKLER: A lot of people hate Jamie Kennedy for no good reason. I don't! I saw the "Scream" movies. He told the killer in those "Scream" movies to F off and therefore he is cool in my book. With this documentary, my opinion of him has really improved. When I watched this documentary I nearly shed a tear because it examines the prevalence of hate for hate's sake. It really makes you hate people who hate people. Kind of like the way I hate all the new critics on "At the Movies."
UGLY BETTY - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show, but I hate it. I'm just kidding. I'm sort of imitating some people interviewed in "Heckler." I haven't seen this show, but I think it's good. I think a series that shows that it's okay to be ugly is good 'cause maybe if enough people start to realize that, I will get psychologically abused less.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
You might be thinking that the list of New Releases is kind of short. Is it on purpose? I don't know. Maybe I was in a hurry. Maybe I'm sad. Maybe I am going to go cry now.
The Bill Douglas Trilogy
Camp Rock
The Fall (Blu-ray)
Flying Leathernecks
The Forbidden Kingdom
Gesualdo - Death for Five Voices
The Good Fight: The Abraham Lincoln Brigade in the Spanish Civil War
Living With Ed - Season 2
Lord Jim
On the Ecstasy of Ski-Flying: Werner Herzog in Conversation with Karen Beckman
Outsourced
The Promotion
Street Kings
Sukiyaki Western Django
Sunshine Superman - The Journey of Donovan
Toys Are Us: A Revolution In Plastic
The Best of... What's Left of... Not Only... But Also...
Winston Churchill
Yes Minister
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why it's not polite to stare.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Dead Amanda.
A lotta, lotta people say to me, they say, "Hey, Alsacia, what did you do for Labor Day?" Well, the sad fact is I actually did go into labor, but not in the way that pregnant women do. More like that guy in "Trainspotting" when he sequesters himself in his room with a bucket and some canned goods and starts seeing babies crawling across his ceiling. And funnily enough, it's still happening as we speak, so this edition of the blog will no doubt be a joy to read.
Also there was a UCLA game at the Rose Bowl this weekend, which is always fun, 'cause then Old Town Pasadena is like the end of that movie "1941." I particularly enjoy it 'cause it's nice to have a reminder that some things are more important than life itself, like sports for example.
NEW RELEASES 09/02:
BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY: So, I guess the big wigs in Hollywood who have special meetings trying to devise new ways to make the consumer feel taken advantage of, recently came to the conclusion that a good way to do that is to reissue DVDs faster than people can watch them, so this month there are 5,000 movies from the 80's getting reissued. One bright, shining aspect of this particular reissue is that it's widescreen whereas the previous one wasn't, so now you can enjoy Coma Baby in his widescreen splendor alongside Michael J. Fox's tiny frame.
DEREK: Some people think they're real great 'cause they know things. You can add Tilda Swinton to that list. She thinks she's so great 'cause she knows things about Derek Jarman, UK filmmaker and artist. I think because of the prevalence of naked men with bows and arrows on the back of the cover, that if you have requested the Kevin Costner film "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," sometime in the past 5 and a half years, you should watch this instead and it'll probably be just as good, if not better.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - SEASON 4: Every now and then I catch a couple of seconds of this show 'cause I'm not very quick in turning off my tube after watching AFV and Extreme Make-Over Home Edition. What I've picked up from those brief glimpses is that these women are very disappointed. That's why if they are real I think they should call me 'cause we could exchange notes on our disappointments. I get the feeling they're actually just desperate 'cause it sounds similar to Stepford.
THE FORSAKEN LAND: You asked for it, now you're gonna get it! There's a critic quote on the back of this film from Sri Lanka that says, "Moody," so now I'm thinking I should watch it 'cause I would relate with that. On the cover there is someone using someone else as a pillow, almost as if the director listens to Cornershop. I think that's good. I hate being used, but I think if you're gonna get used, getting used as a pillow would be okay, as far as getting used goes. Normally when I get used, I feel very disappointed.
LAGERFELD CONFIDENTIAL: I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Man, I could go for a pint of lager!" But it's not like that at all. So you'll be very disappointed by this. The Lord of the Rings has nothing on this Karl Lagerfeld. It's a miracle he can bend his fingers with all those rings.
MARRIED LIFE: Sometimes it doesn't take much to make me very disappointed, like for example, watching the trailer for this movie makes me very disappointed. Chris Cooper and Pierce Brosnan have some sort of shenanigans with Rachel McAdams, who I believe is 12.
MOONTIDE: So, as it turns out, I guess they used to make movies as far back as the 1940's. Who knew?! The oldest movie I ever saw was "Back to the Future, part II!" Jean Gabin stars as a man who could've been a contender in this movie about drunken binges on the waterfront.
THE OFFICE - SEASON 4: I haven't really watched this show, but it seems some kids are wild about it. I did see "Office Space," though and I did relate a lot with the guy who's stapler gets stolen a lot, so if there's a character like that in this show, I should get into it, buddy!
ROAD HOUSE: I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Oh, man, he was right about them reissuing movies more often than we can watch them, but Patrick Swayze is worth it!" Well, you're going to be very disappointed. In this 1948 noir from 1948, Ida Lupino and Richard Widmark, who were both alive in 1948 get it on!
THEN SHE FOUND ME: If you're at all like me, something that was probably on your mind a lot when you used to watch "Mad About You" on a weekly basis is, "This Helen Hunt sure can act, but can she direct?" Well, be prepared to find out the answer to that question when you see this comedy, drama, romance.
WAR REQUIEM: If you enjoyed "Requiem for a Dream" and you love war, you'll probably enjoy this 1989 film by Derek Jarman where Tilda Swinton's pointy mug appears and she probably plays someone who knows a lot of stuff.
WATER LILIES: Are you like me? Do you have a penchant for pastels? I do! That's why I rented this, but as it turned out it was actually about the highly competative sport of synchronized swimming, so I was very disappointed.
OLD RELEASE:
60's Girls
924 Gilman Street
a/k/a Tommy Chong
A Big Hand for the Little Lady
The Breast Cancer Diaries
Call it Democracy
Dali in New York
The Desperate Hours
Dora the Explorer - Meet Diego
For Roseanna
The Future We Will Create: Inside the World of TED
A Gorgeous Girl Like Me
Heroes - Season 2
I'll Cry Tomorrow
The Innocent
Ladyhawke
Leonard Cohen: Under Review 1935-1977
The Life Before Her Eyes
Nicholas and Alexandra
Office Killer
The Original Kings of Comedy
The Power Of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil
Purple Violets
Redbelt (Blu-ray)
Rich and Famous
Senso
Strange Culture
The Sum of All Fears
Tall Blond Man With One Black Shoe
Thursday
Up the Down Staircase
Virgin Territory
Waiting to Inhale
Wetback
What Happens in Vegas
Young & Restless in China
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why every building should be equipped with a private room where people can go cry.
Also there was a UCLA game at the Rose Bowl this weekend, which is always fun, 'cause then Old Town Pasadena is like the end of that movie "1941." I particularly enjoy it 'cause it's nice to have a reminder that some things are more important than life itself, like sports for example.
NEW RELEASES 09/02:
BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY: So, I guess the big wigs in Hollywood who have special meetings trying to devise new ways to make the consumer feel taken advantage of, recently came to the conclusion that a good way to do that is to reissue DVDs faster than people can watch them, so this month there are 5,000 movies from the 80's getting reissued. One bright, shining aspect of this particular reissue is that it's widescreen whereas the previous one wasn't, so now you can enjoy Coma Baby in his widescreen splendor alongside Michael J. Fox's tiny frame.
DEREK: Some people think they're real great 'cause they know things. You can add Tilda Swinton to that list. She thinks she's so great 'cause she knows things about Derek Jarman, UK filmmaker and artist. I think because of the prevalence of naked men with bows and arrows on the back of the cover, that if you have requested the Kevin Costner film "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," sometime in the past 5 and a half years, you should watch this instead and it'll probably be just as good, if not better.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - SEASON 4: Every now and then I catch a couple of seconds of this show 'cause I'm not very quick in turning off my tube after watching AFV and Extreme Make-Over Home Edition. What I've picked up from those brief glimpses is that these women are very disappointed. That's why if they are real I think they should call me 'cause we could exchange notes on our disappointments. I get the feeling they're actually just desperate 'cause it sounds similar to Stepford.
THE FORSAKEN LAND: You asked for it, now you're gonna get it! There's a critic quote on the back of this film from Sri Lanka that says, "Moody," so now I'm thinking I should watch it 'cause I would relate with that. On the cover there is someone using someone else as a pillow, almost as if the director listens to Cornershop. I think that's good. I hate being used, but I think if you're gonna get used, getting used as a pillow would be okay, as far as getting used goes. Normally when I get used, I feel very disappointed.
LAGERFELD CONFIDENTIAL: I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Man, I could go for a pint of lager!" But it's not like that at all. So you'll be very disappointed by this. The Lord of the Rings has nothing on this Karl Lagerfeld. It's a miracle he can bend his fingers with all those rings.
MARRIED LIFE: Sometimes it doesn't take much to make me very disappointed, like for example, watching the trailer for this movie makes me very disappointed. Chris Cooper and Pierce Brosnan have some sort of shenanigans with Rachel McAdams, who I believe is 12.
MOONTIDE: So, as it turns out, I guess they used to make movies as far back as the 1940's. Who knew?! The oldest movie I ever saw was "Back to the Future, part II!" Jean Gabin stars as a man who could've been a contender in this movie about drunken binges on the waterfront.
THE OFFICE - SEASON 4: I haven't really watched this show, but it seems some kids are wild about it. I did see "Office Space," though and I did relate a lot with the guy who's stapler gets stolen a lot, so if there's a character like that in this show, I should get into it, buddy!
ROAD HOUSE: I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Oh, man, he was right about them reissuing movies more often than we can watch them, but Patrick Swayze is worth it!" Well, you're going to be very disappointed. In this 1948 noir from 1948, Ida Lupino and Richard Widmark, who were both alive in 1948 get it on!
THEN SHE FOUND ME: If you're at all like me, something that was probably on your mind a lot when you used to watch "Mad About You" on a weekly basis is, "This Helen Hunt sure can act, but can she direct?" Well, be prepared to find out the answer to that question when you see this comedy, drama, romance.
WAR REQUIEM: If you enjoyed "Requiem for a Dream" and you love war, you'll probably enjoy this 1989 film by Derek Jarman where Tilda Swinton's pointy mug appears and she probably plays someone who knows a lot of stuff.
WATER LILIES: Are you like me? Do you have a penchant for pastels? I do! That's why I rented this, but as it turned out it was actually about the highly competative sport of synchronized swimming, so I was very disappointed.
OLD RELEASE:
60's Girls
924 Gilman Street
a/k/a Tommy Chong
A Big Hand for the Little Lady
The Breast Cancer Diaries
Call it Democracy
Dali in New York
The Desperate Hours
Dora the Explorer - Meet Diego
For Roseanna
The Future We Will Create: Inside the World of TED
A Gorgeous Girl Like Me
Heroes - Season 2
I'll Cry Tomorrow
The Innocent
Ladyhawke
Leonard Cohen: Under Review 1935-1977
The Life Before Her Eyes
Nicholas and Alexandra
Office Killer
The Original Kings of Comedy
The Power Of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil
Purple Violets
Redbelt (Blu-ray)
Rich and Famous
Senso
Strange Culture
The Sum of All Fears
Tall Blond Man With One Black Shoe
Thursday
Up the Down Staircase
Virgin Territory
Waiting to Inhale
Wetback
What Happens in Vegas
Young & Restless in China
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why every building should be equipped with a private room where people can go cry.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
You've proved you can be rude, now what do you want?
Often times people will say to me, "Hello, Rebecca Dylan, what new things did you learn this week?"
Well, I learned many a great thing.
I learned that the other girls at school are talking behind my back. They say I have a huge forehead and I sweat too much. And I'm like, whatever. I told my butler this. He said to tell them, "What difference does it make to you if I have a huge forehead and sweat a lot, you damn idiots?!"
Anywhoo, I also learned a lot about genre. Mother says that it's French and means "kind" or "sort" and that you can classify books, movies, plays, and so on in different genres, for example if a story is a romantic drama, they can go in the romantic drama section and so on.
I was sharing this newfound knowledge with my friend and cello player who also frequents Videotheque. She insists that genre is conditional based on how easy it is to shelve an item in a given genre. For example, if there's a sci-fi movie, but the sci-fi section is filled to overflowing, you can just shelve it wherever. So, if you want to find a movie at Videotheque, don't bother looking, just go straight to the counter and demand it. Don't even ask, don't be like, "Do you know where 'Back to the Future' is?" Just be like, "I want 'Back to the Future' and I want it now!" That's what they're there for, the clerks, they have to get the movie for you. It's their job.
I also learned that my friends like to point fingers.
I also learned that suicide isn't the answer. I think if you're feeling suicidal you should get some Bon Bons and some French milled soap and take a long bath and then take a nap. If that doesn't help, you have some serious problems that might call for some Haagen Daaz and a masseuse.
NEW RELEASES 08/26:
CHICAGO 10: I know what you're thinking, you're like, "Uhhh ... okay ... I saw 'Chicago,' where's 'Chicago's 2 through 9'?" Well, this isn't like that. This is like "Leonard Part 6" or "Girl 6" where they didn't bother to make the prequels. If you care at all about the Democratic National Convention, you should really watch this. You can read A.O. Scott's review of this film and basically change everything to mean the opposite that it does in his and that's how I feel about this film. Then you can take his review as is and apply it to him, rather than the film, and that would be my review of A.O. Scott.
ENTOURAGE - SEASON 4: I haven't seen this show because I prefer doing homework to watching TV. Also, mother loves this show, but I suspect that it's simply filling a void left by father who always works late. Regardless, Adrian Grenier is in this and I think he's sexy.
MY SASSY GIRL: I wanted to see this movie but couldn't because it coincided with an important ballet recital that I had. My butler knew that I wanted to see it and he claims that it's a U.S. remake of a Korean film. He cited something about a script shortage in the U.S. that is causing them to have to remake films from overseas. He also says that Elisha Cuthbert is F-I-N-E and I should be ashamed of myself for missing it, which makes me question whether or not I should tell father to rethink his employment.
THE PASSION OF THE MAO: This is the fourth film in the passion series, there was "the Christ," then "the Jew," then "Greg the Bunny," and now this one. Who knew there was so much passion to go around. You wouldn't know it just by walking down the street. They should make a fifth one called, "The Passion of Checking your Blind Spot," and make it required viewing for everyone I encountered on the road yesterday. Apparently this is a documentary that points out the funnier side of communism. Which reminds me...
Sad that the Olympics are over? Fill that void. Rent some other movies that take place in China, like for example, "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices."
THE REAL MCCAIN: This is the sequel to "The Real McCoy" starring Kim Basinger and Val Kilmer. Just kidding. This is a documentary from the Robert Greenwald camp about the man that father is going to vote for. To be nice, I rented it for father. He scoffed at it and didn't watch it and instead said that he remembered something he had to do at the office and then he left the house late at night. Our butler saw it sitting around the house and watched it and he later came to me while I was working on my AP homework and asked if I was the one who had rented it. When I told him it was me, he told me to keep up the good work.
REDBELT: I stay up late some nights watching UFC. I don't like sports or fighting, but I do enjoy UFC, because on its most basic level it is big sweaty guys in boxer shorts hugging, which I love. If you are a fan of UFC you will probably punch a wall if you try and watch this David Mamet film which deals less with fighting and more with these things most people haven't heard of called loyalty and compassion.
THE SHIELD - SEASON 6: When I'm not watching UFC to see guys hug each other in their boxers, I like to watch this show because it stars the Commish and he has a sexy bald head. Guys with bald heads are sexy. They are probably the sexiest thing on the planet. I love them.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Best of Both Worlds Concert: The 3-D Movie
Frontline: The Persuaders
Justin Timberlake: Futuresex/Loveshow Live from Madison Square Garden
The Last Detective - Series 4
Magnificent Obsession
Paul Leni's The Man Who Laughs
The Nightmare Before Christmas (Blu-ray)
Please Vote for Me
Popeye the Sailor: 1933-1938, Vol. 1
Sudden Manhattan
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why the violin is such an amazing instrument.
Well, I learned many a great thing.
I learned that the other girls at school are talking behind my back. They say I have a huge forehead and I sweat too much. And I'm like, whatever. I told my butler this. He said to tell them, "What difference does it make to you if I have a huge forehead and sweat a lot, you damn idiots?!"
Anywhoo, I also learned a lot about genre. Mother says that it's French and means "kind" or "sort" and that you can classify books, movies, plays, and so on in different genres, for example if a story is a romantic drama, they can go in the romantic drama section and so on.
I was sharing this newfound knowledge with my friend and cello player who also frequents Videotheque. She insists that genre is conditional based on how easy it is to shelve an item in a given genre. For example, if there's a sci-fi movie, but the sci-fi section is filled to overflowing, you can just shelve it wherever. So, if you want to find a movie at Videotheque, don't bother looking, just go straight to the counter and demand it. Don't even ask, don't be like, "Do you know where 'Back to the Future' is?" Just be like, "I want 'Back to the Future' and I want it now!" That's what they're there for, the clerks, they have to get the movie for you. It's their job.
I also learned that my friends like to point fingers.
I also learned that suicide isn't the answer. I think if you're feeling suicidal you should get some Bon Bons and some French milled soap and take a long bath and then take a nap. If that doesn't help, you have some serious problems that might call for some Haagen Daaz and a masseuse.
NEW RELEASES 08/26:
CHICAGO 10: I know what you're thinking, you're like, "Uhhh ... okay ... I saw 'Chicago,' where's 'Chicago's 2 through 9'?" Well, this isn't like that. This is like "Leonard Part 6" or "Girl 6" where they didn't bother to make the prequels. If you care at all about the Democratic National Convention, you should really watch this. You can read A.O. Scott's review of this film and basically change everything to mean the opposite that it does in his and that's how I feel about this film. Then you can take his review as is and apply it to him, rather than the film, and that would be my review of A.O. Scott.
ENTOURAGE - SEASON 4: I haven't seen this show because I prefer doing homework to watching TV. Also, mother loves this show, but I suspect that it's simply filling a void left by father who always works late. Regardless, Adrian Grenier is in this and I think he's sexy.
MY SASSY GIRL: I wanted to see this movie but couldn't because it coincided with an important ballet recital that I had. My butler knew that I wanted to see it and he claims that it's a U.S. remake of a Korean film. He cited something about a script shortage in the U.S. that is causing them to have to remake films from overseas. He also says that Elisha Cuthbert is F-I-N-E and I should be ashamed of myself for missing it, which makes me question whether or not I should tell father to rethink his employment.
THE PASSION OF THE MAO: This is the fourth film in the passion series, there was "the Christ," then "the Jew," then "Greg the Bunny," and now this one. Who knew there was so much passion to go around. You wouldn't know it just by walking down the street. They should make a fifth one called, "The Passion of Checking your Blind Spot," and make it required viewing for everyone I encountered on the road yesterday. Apparently this is a documentary that points out the funnier side of communism. Which reminds me...
Sad that the Olympics are over? Fill that void. Rent some other movies that take place in China, like for example, "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices."
THE REAL MCCAIN: This is the sequel to "The Real McCoy" starring Kim Basinger and Val Kilmer. Just kidding. This is a documentary from the Robert Greenwald camp about the man that father is going to vote for. To be nice, I rented it for father. He scoffed at it and didn't watch it and instead said that he remembered something he had to do at the office and then he left the house late at night. Our butler saw it sitting around the house and watched it and he later came to me while I was working on my AP homework and asked if I was the one who had rented it. When I told him it was me, he told me to keep up the good work.
REDBELT: I stay up late some nights watching UFC. I don't like sports or fighting, but I do enjoy UFC, because on its most basic level it is big sweaty guys in boxer shorts hugging, which I love. If you are a fan of UFC you will probably punch a wall if you try and watch this David Mamet film which deals less with fighting and more with these things most people haven't heard of called loyalty and compassion.
THE SHIELD - SEASON 6: When I'm not watching UFC to see guys hug each other in their boxers, I like to watch this show because it stars the Commish and he has a sexy bald head. Guys with bald heads are sexy. They are probably the sexiest thing on the planet. I love them.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Best of Both Worlds Concert: The 3-D Movie
Frontline: The Persuaders
Justin Timberlake: Futuresex/Loveshow Live from Madison Square Garden
The Last Detective - Series 4
Magnificent Obsession
Paul Leni's The Man Who Laughs
The Nightmare Before Christmas (Blu-ray)
Please Vote for Me
Popeye the Sailor: 1933-1938, Vol. 1
Sudden Manhattan
www.vidtheque.com
...and that's why the violin is such an amazing instrument.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
When our food runs out,When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis.
When people aren't trying to beat me walking crossing the street with their big honkin' car so they don't have to wait for 10 seconds in the comfort of their car while I cross, they often ask me, they ask, "Say, M.F. Luder, what did you do this weekend?" Well my answer to that is simple...
I went spelunking, but on the outside of mountains, which I think is what you call, how do you say ... ah, yes ... mountain climbing. Anywhoo, I went hiking with my wife Eve 6 and our 17-year-old daughter Eve 10.
Once we got to the tippy, tippy top of the mountain, I accidentally slipped and fell and plunged to my death. I am blogging posthumously. Anywhoo, you got these cats over here and these cats over there, and these cats at the Fresno Bee picked up on the story and the title of the article was supposed to be, "Climber Plunged to His Death," but there was a typo and they mistakenly titled the article, "Climber Plunged to Death."
Then a major network news magazine show did a whole expose about the dangers of toilet plungers and everyone thinks I got plunged to death, which isn't cool, when plunging to your death is cool, which is what I did. But when you're dead, you can't correct this sh**. You just have to sit here and take it.
In unrelated news, I heard today that Christina Applegate had her boobies removed 'cause of the big C. Damn you big C! Now, I would just like to relay a personal note to Christina.
Ahem.
Christina, back when I went to a taping of "Married with Children" in the mid-90's, I felt that you and I shared a moment when you were between takes and I was sitting in the audience like a chump. You looked at me, like, I don't know, like maybe we had this connection.
I think "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" is good and aging much more gracefully than that other babysitter movie, which we won't mention by name.
Also, "The Sweetest Thing" I thought was off the heazzzy fo' sheezzzy. It was sick, I'm not denying that, but that sickness appealed to me.
Boobs or no boobs or fake boobs you will always be my dream girl. You can take that to the bank, girlfriend.
And now a personal note to the big C.
Ahem.
F you big C!
These comments about boobies do not reflect the views of Videotheque or its staff, and you can't complain to me about it 'cause I got plunged to death, so you're gonna have to tough it out, you damn sensitive types.
NEW RELEASES 08/19:
Today is Chris' birthday. His name starts out the same as Christina's.
DANA CARVEY: SQUATTING MONKEYS TELL NO LIES: I missed this one on account of the plunging incident, but I wish I could watch it. You can watch it 'cause you are alive. You shouldn't take that for granted, either.
DEXTER - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show but a lot of peeps recommended it to me before I got plunged. Apparently it's about a socially acceptable serial killer so people are really identifying 'cause they like murder so much. I'm just going to take a moment to lecture here ... uh ... when people get killed, they're dead and that's permanent.
HOUSE, M.D. - SEASON 4: So, um, yeah, the thing is this, I haven't seen this either, but from what I'm gathering, this guy patches up people, like Patch Adams. Boy, did that movie suck. Anywhoo, so this guy is like the opposite of Dexter. I have a crush on him 'cause he doesn't shave and walks around with a cane and a permanent limp, but he's a benevolent jerk, which is endearing. Get into it, buddy!
MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY: I haven't seen this either, but it stars Junebug and the woman from "Fargo" who is the only rational person in the movie ... in "Fargo," I don't know if she's rational in this one.
PROM NIGHT: I haven't seen this one either, and I probably won't 'cause there was no place to park when they were filming, which made me sad. 'Cause after a long day of speeding through crosswalks to beat pedestrians so I don't have to wait 10 seconds, I like a place to park my ride. It also made me sad 'cause I couldn't shop at Puff while they were filming. And you'll notice that Puff is singular and not plural.
QUID PRO QUO: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause it looks dramatic and I like the drama 'cause it helps me to forget about how tough I've got it. I also like squids and pros and the status quo, so it looks like it's right up my alley.
RECOUNT: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause I think Sidney Pollack was going to make it if it weren't for the big C! F you, big C! Kevin "Floppy Hat" Spacey stars or something. I think it's fun to watch movies about how your vote doesn't count, so you feel extree marginalized.
THE SMALL BACK ROOM: I haven't seen this either, but it's new from Criterion. A 1949 Powell and Pressburger which sounds like it might make a good double feature with "Recount". I personally prefer a big back room where possible, especially if I'm recounting.
COMEDY CENTRAL'S TV FUNHOUSE: I haven't seen this either, but I would like to, 'cause I like to laugh, 'cause it helps me forget the pain I feel when for example, if I've written a bad blog.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Christina, I would also like to stress that I think you are way better than Christina Aguilera, even though she was in "Shine a Light."
All My Good Countrymen
Big Dreams, Little Tokyo
James Brown Live at the Apollo '68
James Brown Live at the Boston Garden + The Night James Brown Saved Boston
Down the Tracks: The Music That Influenced Bob Dylan
Marco Ferreri: The Collection
Foyle's War - Set 5
How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer
Lone Wolf McQuade
Paint Your Wagon
Priceless
Secret Sunshine
Sister Street Fighter + Sister Street Fighter II (Blu-ray)
Watching the Detectives
X-Ray Visions
www.vidtheque.com
...I have a lot of love to give, Christina.
I went spelunking, but on the outside of mountains, which I think is what you call, how do you say ... ah, yes ... mountain climbing. Anywhoo, I went hiking with my wife Eve 6 and our 17-year-old daughter Eve 10.
Once we got to the tippy, tippy top of the mountain, I accidentally slipped and fell and plunged to my death. I am blogging posthumously. Anywhoo, you got these cats over here and these cats over there, and these cats at the Fresno Bee picked up on the story and the title of the article was supposed to be, "Climber Plunged to His Death," but there was a typo and they mistakenly titled the article, "Climber Plunged to Death."
Then a major network news magazine show did a whole expose about the dangers of toilet plungers and everyone thinks I got plunged to death, which isn't cool, when plunging to your death is cool, which is what I did. But when you're dead, you can't correct this sh**. You just have to sit here and take it.
In unrelated news, I heard today that Christina Applegate had her boobies removed 'cause of the big C. Damn you big C! Now, I would just like to relay a personal note to Christina.
Ahem.
Christina, back when I went to a taping of "Married with Children" in the mid-90's, I felt that you and I shared a moment when you were between takes and I was sitting in the audience like a chump. You looked at me, like, I don't know, like maybe we had this connection.
I think "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" is good and aging much more gracefully than that other babysitter movie, which we won't mention by name.
Also, "The Sweetest Thing" I thought was off the heazzzy fo' sheezzzy. It was sick, I'm not denying that, but that sickness appealed to me.
Boobs or no boobs or fake boobs you will always be my dream girl. You can take that to the bank, girlfriend.
And now a personal note to the big C.
Ahem.
F you big C!
These comments about boobies do not reflect the views of Videotheque or its staff, and you can't complain to me about it 'cause I got plunged to death, so you're gonna have to tough it out, you damn sensitive types.
NEW RELEASES 08/19:
Today is Chris' birthday. His name starts out the same as Christina's.
DANA CARVEY: SQUATTING MONKEYS TELL NO LIES: I missed this one on account of the plunging incident, but I wish I could watch it. You can watch it 'cause you are alive. You shouldn't take that for granted, either.
DEXTER - SEASON 2: I haven't seen this show but a lot of peeps recommended it to me before I got plunged. Apparently it's about a socially acceptable serial killer so people are really identifying 'cause they like murder so much. I'm just going to take a moment to lecture here ... uh ... when people get killed, they're dead and that's permanent.
HOUSE, M.D. - SEASON 4: So, um, yeah, the thing is this, I haven't seen this either, but from what I'm gathering, this guy patches up people, like Patch Adams. Boy, did that movie suck. Anywhoo, so this guy is like the opposite of Dexter. I have a crush on him 'cause he doesn't shave and walks around with a cane and a permanent limp, but he's a benevolent jerk, which is endearing. Get into it, buddy!
MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY: I haven't seen this either, but it stars Junebug and the woman from "Fargo" who is the only rational person in the movie ... in "Fargo," I don't know if she's rational in this one.
PROM NIGHT: I haven't seen this one either, and I probably won't 'cause there was no place to park when they were filming, which made me sad. 'Cause after a long day of speeding through crosswalks to beat pedestrians so I don't have to wait 10 seconds, I like a place to park my ride. It also made me sad 'cause I couldn't shop at Puff while they were filming. And you'll notice that Puff is singular and not plural.
QUID PRO QUO: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause it looks dramatic and I like the drama 'cause it helps me to forget about how tough I've got it. I also like squids and pros and the status quo, so it looks like it's right up my alley.
RECOUNT: I haven't seen this one either, but I would have liked to 'cause I think Sidney Pollack was going to make it if it weren't for the big C! F you, big C! Kevin "Floppy Hat" Spacey stars or something. I think it's fun to watch movies about how your vote doesn't count, so you feel extree marginalized.
THE SMALL BACK ROOM: I haven't seen this either, but it's new from Criterion. A 1949 Powell and Pressburger which sounds like it might make a good double feature with "Recount". I personally prefer a big back room where possible, especially if I'm recounting.
COMEDY CENTRAL'S TV FUNHOUSE: I haven't seen this either, but I would like to, 'cause I like to laugh, 'cause it helps me forget the pain I feel when for example, if I've written a bad blog.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
Christina, I would also like to stress that I think you are way better than Christina Aguilera, even though she was in "Shine a Light."
All My Good Countrymen
Big Dreams, Little Tokyo
James Brown Live at the Apollo '68
James Brown Live at the Boston Garden + The Night James Brown Saved Boston
Down the Tracks: The Music That Influenced Bob Dylan
Marco Ferreri: The Collection
Foyle's War - Set 5
How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer
Lone Wolf McQuade
Paint Your Wagon
Priceless
Secret Sunshine
Sister Street Fighter + Sister Street Fighter II (Blu-ray)
Watching the Detectives
X-Ray Visions
www.vidtheque.com
...I have a lot of love to give, Christina.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Detective!
No, I've changed my mind again.
This week I learned a very, important and valuable life lesson. I was driving through Hollister when I saw the writing on the wall. It said, "Life is just ponys and rainbows." I think this person makes a good point.
I also think it's important to keep in mind when you watch the Olympics that there are no pony or rainbow competitions and I think because of this, the Olympics should be boycotted and instead you should cram discs of plastic in your DVD players. And when I say cram, I mean, handle them gently by the edges.
NEW RELEASES 08/12:
Larisa Shepitko: Eclipse Series 11: THE ASCENT: This war movie from 1977, (no, no, not "Star Wars,") is part of the latest Eclipse series and is about two Soviet partisans taking a voyage deep into their souls. When taking a voyage deep into your soul, I think it's important to bring plenty of water and if possible, a snack; something light and nutritious, like granola.
BRAND UPON THE BRAIN!: Criterion's taken it upon themselves to release this film by Guy Madden where he goes back to his boyhood home and memories ensue. I didn't watch this 'cause I have a bad attitude and now I'm sort of starting to regret not watching it 'cause it sounds like it makes "The Weight of Water" look like "Newsies."
CJ7: Stephen Chow gives E.T. a run for his money in this magical sci-fi childrens film, which will have your kid punching walls because he or she doesn't understand Cantonese and can't read well enough to watch a subtitled film. Frustrate your kids with this gem. Do it now!
THE ORANGE THIEF: I saw the cover of this movie. Because of the way the people on the cover were mugging for the camera, I thought it was a documentary about real orange thieves and it kind of looked like Tragic Kingdom, so I got really excited, excited for the DVD, but now I'm realizing it's an Italian comedy about made up fruit thieves, so now I don't know. But if you watched "The Drugstore Cowboy" and thought to yourself, "Mang, this film is really good but I wish they were stealing fruit instead of pharmaceuticals," this film will probably be up your alley like no tomorrow.
POISONED BY POLONIUM: THE LITVINENKO FILE: My compatriot Chuck was asking me what Polonium was and I told her that it was the stuff that Marty needed to get back to the future, but then I decided to look it up, which I did and I wasn't too far off, it's radioactive, so I can only assume it's best to avoid ingesting it, which makes this title all the more exciting. Get excited for this DVD!
THE SEARCH FOR JOHN GISSING: Sometimes when movies are released on DVD and the year it was made kind of doesn't really correspond with the year it was released, it's kind of a sign, I think. Like this diamond in the rough from Mike Binder, made in 2001, out on DVD right now! Get excited for the DVD! I like some movies that Mike Binder's directed. It's got Janine Garafolo in it, she's great. It's also got Alan Rickman and I like when he falls backward from that high building in "Die Hard," but this movie, I don't know, man, I just do not know.
SMART PEOPLE: This is the movie I probably should've watched instead of "The Search for John Gissing," but I skipped it 'cause I've had Sarah Jessica Parker-lash ever since "Square Pegs." My man Dennis Quaid and Ellen Page and Thomas Haden Church and Sarah Jessica Parker star in this comedy about jaded people who don't shave. That's why I'm thinking now I should've watched it 'cause I no doubt would've related as I never shave my pits or my legs.
SOUTH PARK - SEASON 11: I've only ever seen one episode of "South Park" which ruined a family vacation I was on and also the "Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" movie. But what I've seen I've liked 'cause I find that watching it is a voyage deep into the soul.
Larisa Shepitko: Eclipse Series 11: WINGS: That's right! The "Cheers" spin-off starring Thomas Haden Church is finally out on DVD! Get excited for the DVD! Psyche! It's actually another Russian war movie by Larisa Shepitko. Come get your war on!
THE WIRE - SEASON 5: You asked for it now you're gonna get it! I haven't seen this show because I feel like I'm living it 'cause I feel like every person I encounter is wearing a wire 'cause I'm what the kids these days are calling a paranoid schizophrenic. That's probably not kind of me to say 'cause it makes fun of paranoid schizophrenics, but I think if a paranoid schizophrenic accuses you of making fun of them, you can just play it off by telling them that they're paranoid.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
The Beauty of Ireland
Code Monkeys - Season 1
Days and Clouds
Get Smart - Season 1
The Lawrence Jordan Album
Living with Ed - Season 1
Lost and Found: The Harry Langdon Collection
Riding the Rails
Sunday Morning Funnies: Barney Google and Snuffy Smith + Krazy Kat + Hagar the Horrible + Flash Gordon
The Wayward Cloud
RECOMMENDATIONS:
As usual, the recommended sections continue to trickle in ever-so subtly:
France Gall's pix MON COEUR QUI BAT...: Again, I took three years of French 1 so I know what this means, "My heart is with bat," so clearly she went and saw "The Dark Knight" and loved it. In this section you will find such titles as "A Man and a Woman," "Brief Encounter," "Drama Mex," and "In the Mood for Love."
www.vidtheque.com
...ponys and rainbows.
This week I learned a very, important and valuable life lesson. I was driving through Hollister when I saw the writing on the wall. It said, "Life is just ponys and rainbows." I think this person makes a good point.
I also think it's important to keep in mind when you watch the Olympics that there are no pony or rainbow competitions and I think because of this, the Olympics should be boycotted and instead you should cram discs of plastic in your DVD players. And when I say cram, I mean, handle them gently by the edges.
NEW RELEASES 08/12:
Larisa Shepitko: Eclipse Series 11: THE ASCENT: This war movie from 1977, (no, no, not "Star Wars,") is part of the latest Eclipse series and is about two Soviet partisans taking a voyage deep into their souls. When taking a voyage deep into your soul, I think it's important to bring plenty of water and if possible, a snack; something light and nutritious, like granola.
BRAND UPON THE BRAIN!: Criterion's taken it upon themselves to release this film by Guy Madden where he goes back to his boyhood home and memories ensue. I didn't watch this 'cause I have a bad attitude and now I'm sort of starting to regret not watching it 'cause it sounds like it makes "The Weight of Water" look like "Newsies."
CJ7: Stephen Chow gives E.T. a run for his money in this magical sci-fi childrens film, which will have your kid punching walls because he or she doesn't understand Cantonese and can't read well enough to watch a subtitled film. Frustrate your kids with this gem. Do it now!
THE ORANGE THIEF: I saw the cover of this movie. Because of the way the people on the cover were mugging for the camera, I thought it was a documentary about real orange thieves and it kind of looked like Tragic Kingdom, so I got really excited, excited for the DVD, but now I'm realizing it's an Italian comedy about made up fruit thieves, so now I don't know. But if you watched "The Drugstore Cowboy" and thought to yourself, "Mang, this film is really good but I wish they were stealing fruit instead of pharmaceuticals," this film will probably be up your alley like no tomorrow.
POISONED BY POLONIUM: THE LITVINENKO FILE: My compatriot Chuck was asking me what Polonium was and I told her that it was the stuff that Marty needed to get back to the future, but then I decided to look it up, which I did and I wasn't too far off, it's radioactive, so I can only assume it's best to avoid ingesting it, which makes this title all the more exciting. Get excited for this DVD!
THE SEARCH FOR JOHN GISSING: Sometimes when movies are released on DVD and the year it was made kind of doesn't really correspond with the year it was released, it's kind of a sign, I think. Like this diamond in the rough from Mike Binder, made in 2001, out on DVD right now! Get excited for the DVD! I like some movies that Mike Binder's directed. It's got Janine Garafolo in it, she's great. It's also got Alan Rickman and I like when he falls backward from that high building in "Die Hard," but this movie, I don't know, man, I just do not know.
SMART PEOPLE: This is the movie I probably should've watched instead of "The Search for John Gissing," but I skipped it 'cause I've had Sarah Jessica Parker-lash ever since "Square Pegs." My man Dennis Quaid and Ellen Page and Thomas Haden Church and Sarah Jessica Parker star in this comedy about jaded people who don't shave. That's why I'm thinking now I should've watched it 'cause I no doubt would've related as I never shave my pits or my legs.
SOUTH PARK - SEASON 11: I've only ever seen one episode of "South Park" which ruined a family vacation I was on and also the "Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" movie. But what I've seen I've liked 'cause I find that watching it is a voyage deep into the soul.
Larisa Shepitko: Eclipse Series 11: WINGS: That's right! The "Cheers" spin-off starring Thomas Haden Church is finally out on DVD! Get excited for the DVD! Psyche! It's actually another Russian war movie by Larisa Shepitko. Come get your war on!
THE WIRE - SEASON 5: You asked for it now you're gonna get it! I haven't seen this show because I feel like I'm living it 'cause I feel like every person I encounter is wearing a wire 'cause I'm what the kids these days are calling a paranoid schizophrenic. That's probably not kind of me to say 'cause it makes fun of paranoid schizophrenics, but I think if a paranoid schizophrenic accuses you of making fun of them, you can just play it off by telling them that they're paranoid.
ALSO AVAILABLE:
The Beauty of Ireland
Code Monkeys - Season 1
Days and Clouds
Get Smart - Season 1
The Lawrence Jordan Album
Living with Ed - Season 1
Lost and Found: The Harry Langdon Collection
Riding the Rails
Sunday Morning Funnies: Barney Google and Snuffy Smith + Krazy Kat + Hagar the Horrible + Flash Gordon
The Wayward Cloud
RECOMMENDATIONS:
As usual, the recommended sections continue to trickle in ever-so subtly:
France Gall's pix MON COEUR QUI BAT...: Again, I took three years of French 1 so I know what this means, "My heart is with bat," so clearly she went and saw "The Dark Knight" and loved it. In this section you will find such titles as "A Man and a Woman," "Brief Encounter," "Drama Mex," and "In the Mood for Love."
www.vidtheque.com
...ponys and rainbows.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Get Cathy and Lydia out of here!
So, anyway, today when I woke up I looked out my window and birds were hopping around and chirping so I felt like as if I was in that movie "Enchanted" and I was like, today on the ol' blog I'll list a bunch of movies with birds in them. And then I got to the point I'm at now and I'm thinking, that would be a lot of work, so, uh, no.
THIS 08/05:
BIOGRAPHY - BARACK OBAMA (ELECTION UPDATE EDITION): So, some liberals came in and suggested that we should get in some "progressive" or liberal documentaries to offset our collection of right wing propaganda, so we brought this title in to pacify them.
CARMEN: I think Carmen was the name of a Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's character in "The Color of Money" and it seems whenever I see a cover for any version of "Carmen," Carmen's chest seems to be prominently displayed, so with those three things going for it, I can say without even seeing it that this verison starring the housekeeper from "Spanglish" is going to be off the heazzzy!
THE COUNTERFEITERS: Are you like me? Do you sometimes want to do a double feature of "To Live and Die in L.A." and "Schindler's List" but you don't have the time? I know I do! This film will hit the spot in that case and save your valuable time.
EXECUTIONER'S SONG: This is an oldie but a goodie starring the warden from "Natural Born Killers". Find out what was playing on TV when you were seeing "E.T." in the theater by renting this one!
THE FIRST OLYMPICS: ATHENS 1896: This is an oldie but a goodie. Are you like me? Do you like to scream and punch walls? I know I do! Now you can watch David Caruso do it too in this 1984 miniseries about the first Olympics after they restarted the Olympics after the first Olympics were a thing of the past. I don't know what I just said. Find out what was on TV when you were watching "Finders Keepers" in theaters by renting this one!
LOVE STORY: No, no! Not that mushy Ryan O'Neal movie. This movie is about the band Love. If you don't know the band Love you need to get into them. 'Cause if there's one thing this lonely life has taught me it's that if nobody loves you, you can find love by either renting or purchasing it.
MY BROTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD: I kinda don't like when the movie makers do this, they make up a title that makes absolutely no sense just to get you curious like that ... that "Back to the Future!" Egads! Anywhoo ... this is an Italian film that I glanced briefly at the synopsis of to try and figure out what it was about so I could spew something trite. I gather it's about a love triangle of some kind. If there's one thing this lonely life has taught me, it's that if you can't get a girlfriend, you should steal your brother's girlfriend.
NIM'S ISLAND: I think my Abigail Breslin-lash is setting in with the release of this gem. Nim Rusoe, rhymes with Robinson Crusoe, very inventive, guys, anywhoo ... Nim lives on a deserted island with her scientest father. They are each given a bag with a randomly selected weapon and a few rations of food and water and sent off to kill each other in a no-holds-barred game to the death. They have three days to kill each other. The one who survives wins. And then Nim emails Nell and asks for murder tips. The email reads exactly as follows:
"Dear Nell, Whuddup, dog? Tryin' to kill the old man in a duel to the death. This geezer just will not kick the bucket. Do you have any suggestions? Sincerely, Nim Rusoe. P.S. My name was made up in a story meeting by desperate writers who had 'The Secret of Nimh' and 'Robinson Crusoe' on the melon."
WIRE IN THE BLOOD: PRAYER OF THE BONE: No, no! Not "Play it to the Bone," and ... No, no! Not "Prayer of the Roller Boys!" This movie follows the fifth season of the British crime series "Wire in the Blood" I haven't watched it yet, but it's really popular with the kids.
THAT:
Bizet - Carmen / Jordan, McVicar, von Otter, Haddock, Glyndebourne Festival Opera
Blueprint For Murder + Man In the Attic
Bloodhounds of Broadway
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations - Season 3
Buzzcocks: Hamburg 81: Auf Wiedersehen
Diary + The White Castle + Bert Schierbeek/The Door + Vietnam Opera
Dvorak - Rusalka / Robert Carsen, James Conlon - Fleming, Urbanova, Diadkova, Larin, Opéra de Paris
Fuzz: Sound That Revolutionized the World
The Girl Next Door
Giuseppe Verdi: Falstaff
Handel - Tamerlano / Jonathan Miller, Trevor Pinnock - Bacelli, Randle, Pushee, Norberg-Schulz, Bonitatibus, Abete - Händelfestspiele Halle
Heroes of the East
The Last Winter
Johnny Hallyday Live 1960-69
Help Me Eros
The Hypothesis of the Stolen Painting + The Suspended Vacation
It's the Pied Piper, Charlie Brown
Kirikou et Les Betes Sauvages
Laird
Long Live Pakistan
Lucky Me
Man, Woman, and the Wall
Metropolitan Opera: Centennial Gala
The Millionairess
Mongolian Ping Pong
The Mummy Returns
My Bloody Valentine + April Fool's Day
The New Ice Age + Four Walls + Velocity 40-70 + The Wall + Springtime: Three Portraits
Paris A L'Aube + Blind Child + Beppie + Herman Slobbe/Blind Child 2 + Big Ben/Ben Webster in Europe + The Spirit of the Time + The Cat
Phone Call from a Stranger
The Pom Pom Girls + The Van
Princes and Princesses
The Running Man
The Tale of Tsar Saltan
An Unsuitable Job for a Woman
Vampira The Movie
Voltron
The Wedding Night
What Would Jesus Buy?
THE OTHER:
Many, but not all, of the awesome staff members at the 'theque have new recommended sections. Here they are in particular order:
Grace's pix Body Health + Image: Grace got the idea for this section by watching me. In this section you will see awesome movies about people who are awesome because of their body health and or image like "Pilates for Indie Rockers," "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter something or other," and "Thin."
Mario's pix Your Friends are Your Worst Enemies: It's awesome, it's like Mario's tapped into my brain waves or something. He's got three movies in his section, "American Me," "Donnie Brasco," and "Le Trou."
Biz Mark A's pix Here Come the Stereotypes!: Always original, Biz Mark A trashed his last section 'cause it was derivative of someone else's section which he hadn't previously known about, which was derivative of someone else's section, so now he's got a whole new section of awesome movies that are derivative of other movies that were derivative, or something like that. I honestly don't know what's going on in his section, where you'll find such titles as "The Host" and "Gone with the Wind," and "Deliverance."
Rick's pix People I Relate With: Not awesome! Rick has selected films with characters he identifies with to no end, such films as "The Elephant Man," "Heavy," and "Forrest Gump."
www.vidtheque.com
...so, thanks to popular demand, this will be the last blog I will ever write.
THIS 08/05:
BIOGRAPHY - BARACK OBAMA (ELECTION UPDATE EDITION): So, some liberals came in and suggested that we should get in some "progressive" or liberal documentaries to offset our collection of right wing propaganda, so we brought this title in to pacify them.
CARMEN: I think Carmen was the name of a Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's character in "The Color of Money" and it seems whenever I see a cover for any version of "Carmen," Carmen's chest seems to be prominently displayed, so with those three things going for it, I can say without even seeing it that this verison starring the housekeeper from "Spanglish" is going to be off the heazzzy!
THE COUNTERFEITERS: Are you like me? Do you sometimes want to do a double feature of "To Live and Die in L.A." and "Schindler's List" but you don't have the time? I know I do! This film will hit the spot in that case and save your valuable time.
EXECUTIONER'S SONG: This is an oldie but a goodie starring the warden from "Natural Born Killers". Find out what was playing on TV when you were seeing "E.T." in the theater by renting this one!
THE FIRST OLYMPICS: ATHENS 1896: This is an oldie but a goodie. Are you like me? Do you like to scream and punch walls? I know I do! Now you can watch David Caruso do it too in this 1984 miniseries about the first Olympics after they restarted the Olympics after the first Olympics were a thing of the past. I don't know what I just said. Find out what was on TV when you were watching "Finders Keepers" in theaters by renting this one!
LOVE STORY: No, no! Not that mushy Ryan O'Neal movie. This movie is about the band Love. If you don't know the band Love you need to get into them. 'Cause if there's one thing this lonely life has taught me it's that if nobody loves you, you can find love by either renting or purchasing it.
MY BROTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD: I kinda don't like when the movie makers do this, they make up a title that makes absolutely no sense just to get you curious like that ... that "Back to the Future!" Egads! Anywhoo ... this is an Italian film that I glanced briefly at the synopsis of to try and figure out what it was about so I could spew something trite. I gather it's about a love triangle of some kind. If there's one thing this lonely life has taught me, it's that if you can't get a girlfriend, you should steal your brother's girlfriend.
NIM'S ISLAND: I think my Abigail Breslin-lash is setting in with the release of this gem. Nim Rusoe, rhymes with Robinson Crusoe, very inventive, guys, anywhoo ... Nim lives on a deserted island with her scientest father. They are each given a bag with a randomly selected weapon and a few rations of food and water and sent off to kill each other in a no-holds-barred game to the death. They have three days to kill each other. The one who survives wins. And then Nim emails Nell and asks for murder tips. The email reads exactly as follows:
"Dear Nell, Whuddup, dog? Tryin' to kill the old man in a duel to the death. This geezer just will not kick the bucket. Do you have any suggestions? Sincerely, Nim Rusoe. P.S. My name was made up in a story meeting by desperate writers who had 'The Secret of Nimh' and 'Robinson Crusoe' on the melon."
WIRE IN THE BLOOD: PRAYER OF THE BONE: No, no! Not "Play it to the Bone," and ... No, no! Not "Prayer of the Roller Boys!" This movie follows the fifth season of the British crime series "Wire in the Blood" I haven't watched it yet, but it's really popular with the kids.
THAT:
Bizet - Carmen / Jordan, McVicar, von Otter, Haddock, Glyndebourne Festival Opera
Blueprint For Murder + Man In the Attic
Bloodhounds of Broadway
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations - Season 3
Buzzcocks: Hamburg 81: Auf Wiedersehen
Diary + The White Castle + Bert Schierbeek/The Door + Vietnam Opera
Dvorak - Rusalka / Robert Carsen, James Conlon - Fleming, Urbanova, Diadkova, Larin, Opéra de Paris
Fuzz: Sound That Revolutionized the World
The Girl Next Door
Giuseppe Verdi: Falstaff
Handel - Tamerlano / Jonathan Miller, Trevor Pinnock - Bacelli, Randle, Pushee, Norberg-Schulz, Bonitatibus, Abete - Händelfestspiele Halle
Heroes of the East
The Last Winter
Johnny Hallyday Live 1960-69
Help Me Eros
The Hypothesis of the Stolen Painting + The Suspended Vacation
It's the Pied Piper, Charlie Brown
Kirikou et Les Betes Sauvages
Laird
Long Live Pakistan
Lucky Me
Man, Woman, and the Wall
Metropolitan Opera: Centennial Gala
The Millionairess
Mongolian Ping Pong
The Mummy Returns
My Bloody Valentine + April Fool's Day
The New Ice Age + Four Walls + Velocity 40-70 + The Wall + Springtime: Three Portraits
Paris A L'Aube + Blind Child + Beppie + Herman Slobbe/Blind Child 2 + Big Ben/Ben Webster in Europe + The Spirit of the Time + The Cat
Phone Call from a Stranger
The Pom Pom Girls + The Van
Princes and Princesses
The Running Man
The Tale of Tsar Saltan
An Unsuitable Job for a Woman
Vampira The Movie
Voltron
The Wedding Night
What Would Jesus Buy?
THE OTHER:
Many, but not all, of the awesome staff members at the 'theque have new recommended sections. Here they are in particular order:
Grace's pix Body Health + Image: Grace got the idea for this section by watching me. In this section you will see awesome movies about people who are awesome because of their body health and or image like "Pilates for Indie Rockers," "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter something or other," and "Thin."
Mario's pix Your Friends are Your Worst Enemies: It's awesome, it's like Mario's tapped into my brain waves or something. He's got three movies in his section, "American Me," "Donnie Brasco," and "Le Trou."
Biz Mark A's pix Here Come the Stereotypes!: Always original, Biz Mark A trashed his last section 'cause it was derivative of someone else's section which he hadn't previously known about, which was derivative of someone else's section, so now he's got a whole new section of awesome movies that are derivative of other movies that were derivative, or something like that. I honestly don't know what's going on in his section, where you'll find such titles as "The Host" and "Gone with the Wind," and "Deliverance."
Rick's pix People I Relate With: Not awesome! Rick has selected films with characters he identifies with to no end, such films as "The Elephant Man," "Heavy," and "Forrest Gump."
www.vidtheque.com
...so, thanks to popular demand, this will be the last blog I will ever write.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
